Showing posts with label reflections. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reflections. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Reflections on being 45…it has been the best of times and the worst of times!


Happy Tuesday, Blog Framily!  I hope you’ve had a wonderful three weeks!  I have been enjoying my birthday... The big 45.  I paused for a minute to let that sink in (I've been letting it sink in for the past 3 weeks...).

I am truly grateful to God for allowing me to have 45 years on this side and to experience all parts of life, the good, the bad, the ugly!!! Because, face it, it is all parts of life that have shaped me into the me of today (the good, the bad and the ugly…).  Here’s a recap:

I was born – May 25, 1971!  Not born under the ideal circumstances at the time, but I was born.  Here’s a baby picture, not newborn, we had a fire and my baby book was destroyed, but an infant photo just the same:  



And I was given the blessing of being raised by my maternal grandparents, who were to me, simply “Gramma and Gran-deddy” (you have to get that phonetic pronunciation going).
I attended an awesome preschool at Triedstone Full Gospel Church, where I learned to read very early and my love of reading was born (I was reading my mom’s books when I was in kindergarten)!  This is where I had my first graduation; I still remember us singing and performing “10 little Indian boys and girls” (I had forgotten that, it just came back to my remembrance today).  Here’s a picture of my graduation, it’s from 1976:



I attended Bates School (which no longer exists) where I had some awesome teachers that recognized my academic potential and jumped me after a week or two in first grade to second grade.  It was at Bates where I met some folks that would become eternal friends, where I developed my abhorrence for chocolate (milk, ice cream, pudding, frosting, egh!), where I was encouraged to just keep reading and writing, where my fear of worms and dogs was tested to new heights, where I had my first fight and my first crush.  It was also at Bates School where my 5th grade teacher recommended that I (along with 3 other students) go to Kellogg School to be part of the options for knowledge program, a move that changed my life.

1981 found me being bussed to Kellogg and it was such an important part of my life journey!  I was in the options program in 6th grade, and it was there I learned to research and really develop my writing.  It was a small school, only one class for each grade, and we were relatively close.  My graduating class had 32 people in it!  It was there I had access to physical science and biology classes, made lifetime friends, participated in “teach-ins” and plays, went to the opera, and was exposed to different things outside of my neighborhood, like a progressive dinner (which I SHALL recreate one day!).  I wish I had pictures, but we were busy living life, not photographing it!  I do have some pictures from my 8th grade graduation; this is one with me with my mom back in 1984 after the graduation:



The next phase of my life was high school; from 1984-1988, I was an Honors Student at Morgan Park High School right on the south side of Chicago!  There I started my 4-year journey with a small group of students who were in the Honors Track with me and met some others along the way; again, lifetime friendships were formed.  It was there that I had experimental haircuts (asymmetrical bob, anyone?), survived neon and an obsessive fascination with pink during 1985, went on college tours, had sleepovers, played sports, went on dates (once I was old enough), learned how to drive, had my first heartbreak, had my first job (Brown’s Chicken on 116th & Western), had many excursions to Evergreen Plaza, and enjoyed the heck out of my senior year, including prom.  Those were some of the best years of my life!!!  Here is my "official" senior year book picture:




After that was college; from 1988-1992 I was a student at the University of Illinois in Urbana –Champaign, where I attended on full scholarship.  It was there that I joined my sorority (Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority, Inc.), learned that I actually needed to STUDY to get good grades, traveled up and down I-57 more times that I can count, gained and lost the freshman 15, went on road trips, learned to truly live on my own, lost my grandfather (1992, 3 weeks before graduation), grew up and made lifelong friends.  My college graduation was one of the best days of my life, May 17, 1992 (I graduated just mere days before my 21st birthday):  



Then that came my first forays into real adulthood (1992-2000):  I entered law school (I left law school; took a gap year then went back again), I got engaged and married (later separated and divorced), bought a house, became a mother (to the Teen), went back to school and graduated again, and met who would then become my second husband.  Here are my two graduation photos from John Marshall in 1997 and 2000, respectively:




Just before my 30th birthday, I got married again and experienced a wonderful honeymoon in Italy.  I had my 30th birthday twice, once in Rome and then again in Chicago when I got home where my grandmother had prepared all of my favorite foods!  Then just after my 30th birthday, all hell broke loose.  I was pregnant at the time and ended up in the hospital having emergency surgery on June 19, 2001, when my (unknown) ectopic pregnancy burst my fallopian tube.  I almost died.  To say that was a life-changing event is truly the understatement of ever.  I was hurt and angry.  I had lost my baby and almost my life.  But on the brighter side, I was able to spend that whole summer with the teen before he started school in the fall and we had many adventures!

Fast forward (2002+): We had a house built in the suburbs, was pregnant again in 2003 (after a miscarriage in 2002), gave birth to the tween in 2004 and was generally ok in life… until it changed again!  I turned 35 in 2006 and was feeling rather blah with things.  So the next few years found me separated (again) and moving with my babies in 2009.  Life still went on; I went back to school again (2009), lost my grandma (2010), turned 40 (2011), began a relationship I thought would be my last (it clearly wasn’t), moved again and life was good.. until it wasn’t.  Here's my 2011 graduation picture from Governors State:


The rest of the story you already know:  lost my job in 2013, lost some friends and my relationship (2015), and lost my house (2015), but here I stand.  I gained an awesome church family (Victory Apostolic), began working on several ministries there, became a board member for Habitat for Humanity South Suburbs (2015), joined the Top Ladies (2016), reconnected with some wonderful people and developed some new friendships as well, and am slowly, but surely, righting my balance. 

And that brings us to today, just three weeks after my 45th birthday, which I celebrated with 50-60 of my friends and family with a Kate Spade-inspired party!  Wasn’t I cute????  



When I look back over my life’s journey, like everyone else’s, it’s not a straight line, but a series of ups and downs as I experienced the best of times and sometimes the worst of times.  But I can truly say that I’ve been blessed and I indeed have a testimony.  I can also say that I’m content and have joy! No, things aren’t perfect where I stand right now, not by a long shot.  But I can see the hand of God at work in my life, from having me skip 1st grade to living with my grandparents to sending me to U of I on a full scholarship, to passing the bar exam on the first try under truly egregious and mostly non-existent study conditions, to every unhappy ending and each new beginning – brand new mercies everyday!!! Looking back gives me even more hope for the future!  My future is so bright, I gotta wear shades!!!

Scripture says:  Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path – Proverbs 3:5-6.  I don’t know about you, but I am learning more and more each day to trust God with EVERYTHING, even the things that seem small, and to listen to the urgings of the Holy Spirit in telling me what to do.  And you know what?  He will indeed direct your path!  It is a learning curve, for sure, but it gets easier and easier the more you do it.
 

I would like to take this time to thank my village – my family and friends – who have been there through all of it:  the good times, the bad times, the happy times, the sad times.  As one of my favorite songs by the Mississippi Mass Choir says:  "having you there made the difference."  So thank you.  I appreciate and love my village so much, even though I'm not always able to see or talk to them, I know they are there, rooting for me, praying for me. And it makes it all worth it.

I know that I have indeed been blessed in my 45 years; and I believe that God still has yet to do his greatest work through me.  Right now, I am going where He leads me and enjoying each step of the journey.  I hope that you will trust Him with your journey too!

Have a blessed week!  Oh and I'm still collecting birthday wishes, so Holla @ Darvi!!!
xoxoxo

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Reflections on 2015...


Hello Blogland! I hope that everyone had a great Christmas!!! I did not get back to posting before the holiday; it got completely too busy! I had the family over for Christmas Eve and it was just great to spend time with everyone.  The kids and I had a quiet Christmas morning and when we were finally ready to head out, my car wouldn't start!  So our plans had to change... Spent Saturday at Pep Boys- - 6 hours and $221 hours later...So yeah, it was an eventful weekend!

I did have the stress test done on last Wednesday, everything appears to be fine (thank God!) and I had blood work done as well to try and determine the source of these blood pressure surges.  Thankfully I experienced no problems over the holiday weekend and was able to enjoy the holidays.  Hopefully all continues to be well on the health front.

So it's the time of year where I (along with most other people) start to reflect on the closing year and looking forward to the coming year.  This year, since I have this medium, I will share some of my reflections on 2015 with you. 

Generally, each year I put together a list of "intentions" (I gave up resolutions many moons ago because I never, ever kept them); my intentions then evolved into a super convoluted exercise called "Plan 180 - 20__," which was actually great for my OCD mind.  (More on that in a separate post).  It is always a written plan; if I'm really feeling good, I'll even type it.  And sometimes, sometimes I actually comment and track on it during the year just to see how I'm doing.  I didn't journal much this year, but I can still reflect and comment on my year 2015...

A year ago found me in a peculiar place:  stressed to the hilt about finances, overtaxed in "busyness," trying to maintain a relationship that was going downhill fast, hanging onto some friendships that were probably better left alone, and really off my square spiritually. I was a MESS!  I had joined my church, but even living only 5-7 minutes away, I was still only half attending and not at all involved.  And I believe that my life reflected my lack of spiritual connectedness...

One thing that I do each year (have done since 2006 or 2007) is to choose a Word of the Year (you may be familiar with it also as "One Little Word;" more on that in another post), and this year I chose the word "Be."  I wrestled with "joy," "peace," "faith," but at the end of the day, I chose "Be."  Meaning that throughout 2015, whatever came my way, I would "be" in the moment and experience it in real time. 

Another thing I decided to do (in addition to my usual weight loss goals, professional goals, and the like was to set some concrete spiritual life goals.  Now, I do set some spiritual goals every year from the apparently next to impossible (I'm going to read the whole Bible this year) to the lazy that I should be able to handle with no problem (I'm going to make it to church every Sunday unless sick or out of town), but this year was different.  This year, my goal was to recommit myself back to my faith. 

When I decided to start this journey, I had no idea how it was going to be accomplished or manifested, nor did I know what I was going to have to give up to do it!  But here, today on December 29, 2015, I can say that it has truly been a journey, and though I would have liked less thorns along the way, I believe I am a better person for starting this journey and seeing it through.  So what all did I do this year?  I'm glad you asked!

So the first thing I did was to seriously check myself on my lackluster church attendance!  I mean, one of the main reasons I changed churches was to be closer so that I could attend, but I still wasn't doing it!  I had to go back to my grandmother's rule:  If you can do what you want to do all week long, SURELY you can get up and take yourself to God's house on Sunday...!  I will need to check my notebook to see how well I did in reality, but it was with intention this year that I was determined to make every Sunday that I could.  And you know what?  Each and every time that I went, without fail, the sermon blessed and spoke to me. 

The second thing I did was to work on my lackluster prayer life... which still needs a LOT of work, but it is so much more than it was a year ago!  I have a dedicated prayer journal area in my FAITH notebook, and I do keep my specific prayers and answered prayers there.  I can definitely look back at it and see where God has answered prayers for me, my family, and friends. 

Next, I decided it was time to get more involved in church and meet some people.  This was easier said than done, I am an introvert and am not one to just start talking to people!  I had my one sister friend/soror at church (Pam) and some other sorors I'd see here and there and that was it.  I took my time with this one, because I didn't want to just add more busyness to my world but wanted all of my actions to be meaningful.  That being said, as you already know, in the summer of 2015 I took the One-on-One Discipleship class (10 weeks from July- September) and I truly enjoyed it!  I grew spiritually, and I met some great people.  Due to a personal matter, I had the opportunity to meet with Pastor Brenda Varnado, one of our spiritual care pastors, in early September, and that meeting has changed my life.  She took me and my children under her wing, and personally saw to it that I met some people!  We got the Tween connected to the dance ministry and the young adult choir, and I just met some outstanding people in general.  In addition, Pastor Varnado was a crucial part of me making it through a very difficult time in my personal life in 2015.  For that, I am forever grateful.  The next thing I did was to join the "Journey Sisters" ministry- it is an accountability partner ministry where you share one or more goals with your journey sister (and vice-versa) and they take the journey with you in 2016 and hold you accountable to reaching your goals.  It's like having your own personal cheerleader and drill sergeant in one!  And my journey sister?  Of all people, I am hooked up with Evangelist Darice Whitted, who is head of the Women's Ministry at Victory.  (See what I mean about that prayer thing?  What are the odds?).  I love her to life and I am super excited about our journey!  But anyway, through this ministry, I've met some outstanding women and I am proud to know them!  I also joined the Outreach Ministry (VOICE) and I LOVE IT!  Again, this expanded my network at the church as well.  Last but not least, I decided to start Discipleship University, a 4-year program offered at Victory.  My classes for Discipleship I begin on January 11, 2016, so stay tuned...

Looking back, I can truly say that it is in this area that I grew the most in 2015.  And by staying committed to my goal, I was able to hear God, and that has been more priceless to me than anything else!  Oh sure, having answered prayers is magnificent (and he showed up and showed out on that too), but being able to hear?  Nothing like it! 

In hearing God this year, I had to give up some things that were near and dear to my heart because they were distracting me from my commitment.  I have alluded to this several times in my postings this year, but now I'm ready to state them.  It was almost a tug of war situation; I really didn't want to let go, but God promised me so much more if I did.  Finally, He made me so uncomfortable that I had no choice but to let go of it all and then he opened the floodgates of blessings and positivity into my life and allowed me to experience the greatest of his gifts:  Hope, Joy and Peace.  What are those things that I had to give up?  Here they are, in no particular order:  my sorority (I was the chapter president at the time); my relationship with Urban Dude; and some "friends."  Yikes, right?  But what have I gained?  Time.  Time to, honestly, just "Be."  See how my word has come full circle???  Do I miss those things?  Sometimes, yes, but I am determined not to move until He tells me to, and in order to do that, I must be able to hear, and I must stay committed... you get the picture. 

So what does my life look like at the end of 2015?  Much, much quieter!  Not necessarily less busy, but I find that I can choose better which activities to spend my time on, and it's not so much work.  Also, I have been able to cultivate and renew friendships with some amazing women this year that I would not have had time for otherwise... 

As we bring 2015 to a close, I keep getting news of tragedies in my friends' and family's lives, and I am thankful to be here and for all that me and my family were blessed with this year (especially the second half of the year).  In the past 2 days, I have gotten hit with news of 3 deaths and none of them were elderly.  So my heart is heavy with grieving for my friends and family on their losses during this time.  That being said, I am even more thankful for all that has transpired in 2015, the good, the bad and even the ugly! 

And now I turn the microphone to you - how did 2015 treat you????  Holla @ Darvi,  and let's talk about it!  Be Blessed!!!

xoxoxo