Happy Hump Day! Yes, I know technically that it's after midnight, but since I'm not asleep yet, it's still Wednesday to me! Guess what? Remember that "sweltering" weather I was talking about just a few short weeks ago? Um, yeah. So now it's fall. Like for real. As in jacket weather. As in I made chili for dinner weather (you know that's fall food, right?). Tomorrow allegedly it will be warmer and then back to swelter next week. Gotta love Chicago and its ever-changing weather, right?
So today we're going to talk about footsteps in the dark (like the Isley Brothers, reference, eh?). Or more appropriately, walking in the dark. Have you ever done that - get up in the middle of the night and stumble around in the dark to go to the restroom or go get a drink of water? Invariably you walked in to something because your eyes hadn't adjusted to the darkness and it was hard to see. Maybe it's just me...
The idea of this topic came to me yesterday as I sat in the church parking lot before class doing my homework (don't judge me!). On the drive there from my contract assignment in the western burbs, me & God had a little chat. Ok, so it was more like me whining "why, why, why" and God responding back to me through music (which happens a lot when I listen to Gospel music) and then by dropping scripture and other things into my mind. So I was driving along, had my phone plugged in and on my Pandora station (isn't that the greatest?) and as I whined, a litany of songs came on with His answer. Next came scriptures. When I got to the church, I had to write everything down so I wouldn't forget. And so here we are.
So anyway, I got some bad news yesterday that is a step backwards from where I'm trying to be. Then another bit of bad news came and I was discouraged. So as I said, I was whining, literally crying out loud about things, asking why all of this stuff was continuing to happen and asking what in the world was I going to do now??? Have you ever been there? Before I could even finish, a song came on, "It's Only A Test" by Bishop Larry Trotter and Sweet Holy Spirit Choir (you can hear it here). That made me stop. Quickly. That used to be one of my favorite songs back in the day, and what I thought about was how it's sometimes so easy to sing about tests and whatnot when things are going well but we forget about that stuff when we are going through said tests... I'll just drop that right here.
The next song was one I had never heard before, "Joy Will" by Charles Jenkins and it Fellowship MB Church Choir (you can hear it here). The gist of it is that joy will come in the morning (even when sometimes it feels like one long eternal night and you are stumbling along in darkness most days - see how I tied that in???).
More songs came on, mostly worship songs: Amazing by Hezekiah Walker, God is Great by Rickey Dillard and New G, Step Right In by Earnest Pugh, Here I am to Worship by William McDowell, Total Praise by Donnie McClurkin, He Turned It by Rickey Dillard & New G, and Lift Him Up by Hezekiah Walker. So what do you think happened? I got so caught up in singing that I stopped whining, number 1, and number 2, I arrived at the church.
But that doesn't mean that my issues were completely out of my mind, as I was working on my homework (stop judging...), I started questioning again. So scriptures arrived next:
- Thy word oh Lord is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path - Psalm 119:105
- Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all things will be added unto you - Matthew 6:33
- All things work together for the good of them who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose - Romans 8:28
- Trust in the Lord with all thy heart and lean not to thine own understanding; in all thy ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your path - Proverbs 3:5
Ouch. So I take all of that as a not so gentle reminder to get out of my own head and keep focused. Sometimes that is a very difficult thing to do, especially when things are not going as well as they could be. So if anyone else out there is going through a rough patch, I hope that you find some comfort in these things like I did yesterday. I told y'all- the struggle is REAL.
A few months ago my big brother Delvin (remember him? He writes the blog "My Relationship Lessons" and he's on WVON in Chicago. You should check him out; his blog can be found here) mentioned a book he was reading, "Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On" by Stormie O'Martian. He suggested it for anyone who was going through. I made a note of it; thought I had it in my library, but did not. Had to order it from Amazon, but I got it. Didn't actually pick it up though until last week. The subtitle of the book is "Trusting God in the Tough Times." Yeah... Here is a photo of it so you can see it:
I'm not done yet, because it's not fluff and I'm reading for understanding, not just content. I'm only in Chapter 2, but I've already noted and highlighted several things. It isn't my first book by her; she also wrote Power of Praying Wife and Power of a Praying Husband (those are both great books too, by the way). I recommend this book for anyone going through tough times and it feels like you are just walking around in the dark with no clear path in front of you. Kinda like me right now. Remember that whole work in progress thing? Yep, still progressing...
Let me be clear, I'm not a preacher, evangelist, missionary or any of that stuff. But I am just a girl (say NOTHING about my age!) who is working on this Christian walk thing one day at a time and who is thankful each day for another opportunity to get it right (because I get it wrong so many times!) and learning, very slowly apparently, to yield. That is so hard to do, but I'm working on it just the same.
So what should we do? We keep walking, even though it feels like there's darkness all around us and sometimes the only light is the size of a pen light, certainly not enough to light your whole path. But that's kinda the point - walking and waiting for the light to guide your next step...
Is there anyone else out there who feels as if they are walking around in the dark, no light in sight? Or maybe you all have it all together already and I'm by myself. Perhaps you found your way out of the dark already and want to share your story. I'm all ears! Holla @ Darvi - be blessed!!!
Happy Hump Day!!! I hope your week is going well. I have fully recovered from the holiday weekend and am looking forward to this coming weekend which should be much slower!
I'm going to be a bit transparent here and let you know that I am going through some things. There, I said it. We often spend so much time and energy keeping up appearances for folks that really could care less what's going on in our worlds and you know what? I'm tired.
I went back and forth on how I was going to write this post, but transparency won. Hopefully my transparentness (is that a word? if not, consider it a new "Darvism.") won't turn anyoneoff or make them look at me differently, which has been a big deal to me for awhile (go figure), but transparent I must be.
Anyway, this month is a little hard for me, one I have dreaded all year without a total change of circumstance. You see, it was two years ago this month that I learned that I would no longer have a job at the end of the month. To say that the past 2 years has been challenging is the understatement of the year! My whole life has changed, in some ways good, in most ways horrible! I spent the second half of 2013 and the first half of 2014 in a real funk. And I won't pretend that I don't still have some pretty crap days in 2015. Because I do. Days where I just totally withdraw from everything because I just literally could not do it.
You have to understand that I have ALWAYS worked, since I was 15 years old. That's almost 30 years of consist employment (and I spent 16 years on that particular job), so it's been a huge adjustment, plus the challenges. (I did say I had challenges, right?) My career has always been a huge part of who/what I am, and it's been a huge adjustment to not be that person anymore. I had hoped that by now things would be different and I would be looking back on that time, not still in it. But that isn't yet the case. The other thing is, for the first time in my life, I don't really have a "plan."
Everyone who knows me knows that I almost ALWAYS have a Plan A, B, C and possibly a D. But not this time. Every one of my "plans" has not worked out and that's been another huge adjustment for me. Because I'm a perfectionist and I don't like failure. But most of all, I have felt like everything I've ever believed has been challenged, including my faith. I had even gotten to the point that I wasn't even sure what I believed anymore (and coming from a kid who grew up in church, COGIC no less, that is saying a LOT).
So when that horrific thing happened to me two years ago, I struck out on what I thought was my ultimate dream (HA!) and ended up in somewhat of a nightmare. However, I also found myself on a totally different journey than I could have ever imagined at the time. I daresay that I would have never found this path if my course hadn't been altered. Please know that the challenges haven't ended, but my perspective (my lens) is different. It doesn't mean that things are suddenly great, but I just don't feel stressed and anxious about it - today at least.
I have mentioned before that I'm a Believer. Yes, that means a Christian. What I am not is a Bible-thumping, over-judgmental, holier than thou person who tries to shame folks into believing. Nah, I don't roll like that. What it does mean is that I have a relationship with God. It's not always where it should be, so like me, it's a work in progress.
This year (2015), I decided to take more of an active role in building up my personal foundation because it has taken a huge hit . I have reevaluated some relationships, activities and am really working on myself during this season. I started a faith journal this year, which has become part of a new journey (later on this), and a rewarding one. I realize I'm getting to the age when you really have to make some decisions on how you are going to approach the third quarter of life and also that those decisions are yours alone.
I am not a person who likes change or thrives on change, so all of this change has been really unsettling. To make matters worse, I had to make the really tough decision to leave my church because it was just too far for me to travel at this time. But, I did find a church closer to home that I enjoy (although I miss my old church so much sometimes that my heart aches). Anyway, my new church, Victory Apostolic Church in Matteson (which you should totally visit one day if you live in the South Suburbs), offers many different ministries and classes, as well as activities to keep you busy and grounded! One of the classes offered this summer is One-on-One Discipleship, which will be a 10-week, one-hour course (it started last night). Me and my sorority sister Pam decided to take it together (can you tell that me and Pam have a lot of adventures together????).
We signed up not knowing what to expect, and we walked in not knowing what to expect, lol!
After leaving our first session, we are both a bit excited to see where the class is going to take each of us personally on our faith walks. I"m hoping that I will have more peace and my faith renewed; only time will tell the ultimate outcome.
Here is the book for the class:
I'm not sure what the outcome will be, but I'm sure that it will be an adventure, albeit a personal one, and that some change will be inevitable. But hear me, on this here thang? The struggle is real!
So, what about you- any personal journeys for you in 2015? Anyone agree that the struggle is truly real???? Let's talk about it! Holla @ Darvi! Be Blessed!!!
