Falling Off The Wagon... (Trust - Part III)

Happy Friday (yes, it really is Friday - I checked)!  It's the weekend, baby and I'm looking forward to it!!!  I have a full day Saturday lined up (I hope my energy level stays up enough for me to actually make all of these things):  Centennial Kickoff Celebration for my high school, Morgan Park (my whole family except one person went there; we have graduates from 1955-1997, so it's a big deal for my family) in the morning; U of I Black Alumni All-Class Reunion Kickoff in the afternoon (the last one was in 2008); and a scrapbook gathering Saturday evening with my scrapbooking group (haven't seen them since last July).  I have a busy day tomorrow...

So I have a confession to make.  I kinda fell off the wagon.  Meaning that less than 24 hours after my great inspirational post about turning lemons into lemonade, I found myself engaged in a conversation about the past, which inevitably turned into a discussion of things I prefer not to think about (things lost) and before I knew it, I was having a pity party for myself.  Complete with some tears.  Had to snap out of it real quick!  Still trying actually, it makes me both sad and angry to know that the things I worked so hard for are just gone and there's nothing I can do about it... Just keeping it real here.  I feel kinda like this:

The truth is, I know deep inside that as great as some of the things were that I have lost, and the what-feels-like-forever process of rebuilding (again), I believe that what's ahead is going to be better than anything I've ever had.  How do I know?  Well, for one because I believe His Word and I stand on the promises contained in it.  In this case, the specific verse I'm referring to is Romans 8:18:  For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. And also, Romans 8:28: And we know that all things work together for good for them that love God to them that are called according to his purpose.  And second, because I don't believe He's brought me this far to leave me.  You know that's an old time song; I grew up COGIC, so I know a lot of old time songs.  Sometimes you have to reach back to those old songs for comfort.  My grandmother always played those old time songs at night, so I would go to sleep hearing them.  All through my life, whenever I have felt down or uncertain about what was ahead, I have always come back to that song.  There are several versions, believe it or not Min. Tim White, who was a guest at church just last Sunday, sang the Rev. James Cleveland version that had me in tears, but my absolute favorite is by Mary Mary.  You can listen to it here.

The pertinent lyrics:  

"I don't feel noways tired (Rev. Cleveland)/I just can't give up now (Mary Mary)

I've come too far from where I started from,

Nobody told me that the road would be easy,

And I don't believe He's brought me this far, to leave me."  

And that's the truth - I really don't believe He's brought me this far to leave me.  All that to say that I'm still a work in progress and I'm still figuring all of this out too.  It's an everyday process, one step at a time.  Right now I'm feeling uncomfortable with some things and I know it's time to prepare for a change.  And the biggest part of the change will depend on me, preparing and being ready when it comes.  So that is my task, to be ready.

All of this has been on my mind, along with Pastor Singleton's last two Sunday sermons: Recognizing New Things (1/3/2016) and The God of the Second Chance (1/10/2016). Both of those sermons spoke to me personally and I'd like to share some highlights with you.  

In "Recognizing New Things," the messages that resonated with me were:  

1) you must put the past behind you because if you are locked into the past, you can't recognize the new; 

2) while we naively approach the future optimistically, we should hope for the best but be prepared for the worse; 

3) Isaiah 43:2 (NIV):  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze; and

4) when God tells you something He's going to do in your life, it doesn't mean that it will be easy, just that He will be with you and see it to fruition.

The bottom line?  We have to put and keep our faith and trust in the Living God! (For reference, the scripture text for the sermon was Isaiah 43:18-21).

In "The God of the Second Chance," the messages that resonated with me were:

1) sometimes the answer is not going back, but going forward no matter how hard forward looks;

2) fear does not impact God's ability, but has to do with the object of my (our) faith; just because we don't trust it, that doesn't affect its trustworthiness;

3) sometimes we miss our blessings because we don't trust God; but thankfully He's the God of second chances!;

4) His grace and purpose for your life is why you're still here and been given multiple chances;

5) the keys to success are to trust and obey:  it's hard to trust anyone you don't have a relationship with; part of Christian growth is to be put into situations you can't get out of except by trusting God; you won't obey God if you don't know His Word; and

6) to be successful, you must have a strategy:  spiritual (trust and obey) and natural (real plans) - they must come together.

For reference, the -scripture text was Joshua 1:1-9, and it was the story of how God gave the descendants of the Israelites a second chance to go to the promised land (their ancestors had messed up by allowing fear to guide them).  

And where does all of this lead us?  Right back to trust again.  I didn't know I would keep coming back to that this week, but here we are.  Know that everything I post is for me, my reminders about what is really going on, and if I happen to touch someone else along the way, then I am thankful to have been that vessel.  Listen, sometimes I have things on my heart to say to you guys, and I have no idea how I'm going to do that.  And almost always, when I go to church on Sunday, there is something in the sermon that provides confirmation to what was placed on my heart to say.  Sometimes that's a little scary - this is a totally new experience for me, and I truly am not sure where He's taking me with all of this...

I want to encourage you to get yourself in a teaching ministry; I grew up in church and have spent many, many, MANY days and nights in church throughout my life.  (Told y'all I grew up COGIC...).  However, it wasn't until I grew up and began seeking understanding for myself about how to apply this stuff to real life, my life, that I had the courage to strike out beyond my childhood church.  I have been blessed to have been under three great teaching ministries in my adulthood and it has made all the difference in how I hear, see, and apply scripture to my everyday life.  So that's my soapbox for today; if you are in the Chicago area/South Suburbs, I encourage you to check out my church, Victory Apostolic; it is truly a teaching church and great things are happening there.

That being said, I ask for your prayers that I can recognize whatever new things He has for me and that I'm ready for them when they come.  I wish all of you a great weekend, I will be tired.com when mine is over!  Sidenote:  I have been easing back into some creative work, I officially started my December Daily album last week (I got up to Day 7 completed), and I can truly say that it has been fun to relive those little moments (in words and pictures) that can so easily be forgotten in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season.  I will definitely be doing it again this year.  I will share, who knows, you may want to document your own Decembers this year!

So for real, am I the only one who is constantly falling off the trust wagon and having to have a do-over???  Holla @ Darvi, I really don't want to be the only one... Be blessed, framily!

xoxoxo

It shall be well!

Well hello, blogland!  Did you miss me??? I sure did miss you!  We are well into the holiday season with Thanksgiving under our belts (or over depending on how much you indulged) and we are heading right into Christmas!  I am recovering from either a very bad cold or a mild case of the flu; but at any rate, I am with you once again and very excited about beginning December!  So let's see; here in Chicago we've already had our first snow of the year (November 21st) and it has melted away  and now here comes the rain again (love that song by the Eurythmics, by the way!  You can check it out here).  I was in a fashion show (also on the 21st, I guess I did ok, that was WAY outside of my comfort zone!).  I had a wonderful holiday, despite being sick, with my family:  the parental units, my babies, my niece and great-nephew. I even cooked the whole dinner while being sick (now of course, there were several issues and we ate later than we ever have, but everything was good (or so they told me!)). Slept through that whole Black Friday thing - the sickness just took over!  I had a relaxing Saturday - worked in the morning (yes, I went in on the weekend and while sick), had a great lunch at a local sports bar in University Village with a special friend, then had a quiet evening with a great movie.  I did make it out the the local outlet mall on Sunday after church for some quick Christmas shopping (until the sickness took over again...).  Believe it or not, it is officially December.

So I have several things going on in December, one of which I have referenced several times, that being my December Daily album.  I am very excited as this is my first time doing one!  The idea is that you slow down the chaos of this season and take the time to capture one story per day for the month of December.  Intrigued?  Not sure if I've shared this before, but I'll do it again just in case someone wants to join in. Check it out on Ali Edwards' website here.  Those of us that scrapbook are using that medium to record our stories; but I think you could do it just in a journal too if scrapbooking isn't your thing - it's really about recording your stories.  I am looking forward to doing it this year because this is a new season in my life (more about that in later posts) and it's time to create some new traditions!  The second thing I have going this December is that I will be participating in a 31-day Scripture writing plan.  Last year I did a 25-day scripture reading plan leading up to Christmas, but this year we'll be writing (I will be including this in my December Daily album).  I will try very hard to share my stories and the daily scriptures here (sometimes that may be the whole post, I'm just saying).  So... if you'd like to join in, the scripture passage for December 1st is:  Isaiah 7:14-17.

Whew, that was a lot!  Now onto the subject of this post!  I missed church last Sunday and I was out of sorts the whole week (I did go to the Thanksgiving Eve service on last Wednesday night, but it just wasn't the same...).  So I made sure to be up in the place on Sunday morning and it was such an awesome time!  The choir was great and as usual, Pastor Singleton shared a timely message that I can carry with me this week.  And as I so often do, I will share the gist of that message here with you.  The title of the sermon was simply this:  "It shall be well."  Scripture text found in 2 Kings 4:18-37.

By way of background, the text finds us in the time of the prophet Elisha, who was the successor to the prophet (his mentor) Elijah.  The text tells the story of the Shunammite woman who prepared a place for Elisha to live as he traveled back and forth.  For her kindness, Elisha told her that God would bless her and her older husband with a son within the year.  And so it came to pass. Later, the child died.  The woman did not tell her husband that their child had died, but instead took him upstairs to the room she had prepared for Elisha and laid him on the bed. She then went out to the field, asked her husband for a donkey and a servant to go with her and said she was going to find the prophet.  When her husband asked why she was going when it wasn't new moon or sabbath, she replied to him "It shall be well."  She and the servant went to mount Carmel where Elisha was.  When he saw her, he sent his servant Gehazi to meet her and inquire of her, her husband and her child.  She replied, "It is well." When the woman reached the hill, she fell to Elisha's feet and Gehazi tried to stop her, but Elisha stopped him and said that her soul was in distress and the Lord had not told him what it was about.  The woman's reply was:  "Did I desire a son of my lord?  did I not say, Do not deceive me?"  Elisha immediately sent Gehazi with his staff to the woman's house to lay his staff on the child.  Gehazi did so, but the child remained dead.  When Elisha and the woman arrived at the house, Elisha shut himself up in the room with the dead child and prayed.  Then he lay upon the child and the child's flesh warmed up. He then left the room, walked around the house, returned to the room and lay on the child again.  This time, the child sneezed seven times and opened his eyes.  

Of course, this was a resurrection miracle of the Old Testament, similar to that performed by the prophet Elijah with the widow's son (you can read that story in 1 Kings 17:17-24).  

So what are the lessons to be learned from this scripture passage?  

1) in difficulty, you MUST believe that it shall be well; don't lose hope even if you can't change the current situation.  Here, the woman's son was dead, she took him into the house and laid him down and only told her husband that she was going to see the man of God and It shall be well.  She knew her son was dead and yet she still felt that it would be well. Powerful stuff!

2) keep a positive attitude - say (and believe) that "it is well" regardless.  We can only get through this life one day at a time, so we should pray for God to help us through each day as it comes without worrying about days to come.  We cannot figure out why God allows certain things to happen in our lives, but we have to learn to trust Him in spite of.

3) And here is the most powerful lesson of all:  "It shall be well" is only for those who have faith and trust in God.  I'm going to let that sit for a minute.  When you look at it, it makes perfect sense.  Of course we with our limited vision don't know what the outcome of situations in our lives will be.  But He does.  The question is whether you have enough faith to trust Him enough to believe that it shall be well whatever the outcome???  See, that's grown folks faith right there!

I have to admit that this has NOT been my strong suit.  I'm a worrier by nature and there have been times that I've lost sleep (and weight and hair) worrying about situations that were outside of my power to change.  It was only once I let go, gave them to God in prayer and believed that whatever the outcome it would be "well," that I saw those situations start to turn around.  And when I say turn around, I mean in an instant!  Because I daresay that God was just waiting for me to understand that He had this thing and to let go so that He could do what He does!  What that actually amounts to is that "S" word that a lot of women don't like to hear - "submission."  It also amounts to killing my flesh daily, seeking God's will everything and letting Him have His way so that it can be "well."  I'm a work in progress, so I stumble (A LOT) but I am definitely learning.  

I am in the midst of a major life change that I truly did not see coming, and I've been struggling to adjust to it.  I let it go and then I picked it back up (the worrying) and yet God has still seen fit to take care of that too.  I promise I'm going to put it down and leave it down! It is my testimony that God will send you what you need, even when you don't know that you need it.  You just have to trust Him enough to give him whatever it is you're dealing with.  I am thankful for my constant spiritually maturing each and every day!

So what say ye - have you reached a place in your walk where you can say "it shall be well" in spite of what it looks like at the moment?  I dare you to submit it to God and allow your spirit to rest in knowing that it shall be well.  Holla @ Darvi and let's talk about it!  Be Blessed!

xoxoxo

I got a feeling...

Happy Friday, everyone!  I wasn't sure whether I was going to write again today after just writing yesterday, but, well, since I have something to say, here we are! 

We've been having our typical Chicago weather - warm one day, cold and rainy the next.  I've learned just to always dress in layers, keep an umbrella in my bag and even a light scarf because I never know what the weather will turn out to be and the forecasts are of no help (I still say that weather person is the only job where you could be wrong everyday and yet, still keep a job!  Try that if you wanna if you work at a bank or restaurant where your job depends on accuracy... just saying).  Anyway, I digress.

I'm feeling some kind of way.  Have you ever felt restless, anxious, excited and a little scared all at one time???  That's how I feel right now (for about the past week) and I'm not sure why.  Well, scratch that, I have a pretty good idea of why.  There's so much going on, that my head is on swivel! But, and let me clarify this, not in a bad way.  I think I am truly in shock and awe at how quickly things can change, ever heard the phrase "turn on a dime?"  Yep, that's my life right now.  (I paused for a moment because all of these old gospel songs just popped into my head; may have to boot up iTunes...).

So let me try to break this thing down outta my head and onto this page! 

Restless:  I feel restless typically when I feel something coming and I'm not sure what and I'm trying to wrap my little OCD head around it.  I also feel restless when I feel like I'm not doing everything I should or could be. 

Anxious:  Well, the OCD makes me anxious at times, but this is more than that.  Again, I'm feeling like something is coming and I want to be prepared but I don't know what I'm preparing for.  But I feel like I'm being urged to move and get things done, so, to manage this anxiety, I'm trying to get things done.

Excited:  I'm excited about a few things (my scrapbooking retreat for one and also working on December Daily for the first time ever!  I FINALLY found page protectors for my album and I just had to run out and get them this evening, so now I'm ready to start playing and planning my album.  Why did I have to have them this tonight?  Because I wasn't going to be able to rest until I had them...).  But as exciting as those things are to me, I know that they are not the true reason for my excitement...

A little scared:  I feel a little scared because I don't know if I'm prepared for what's coming...

Got it?  Of course not, I know that was as clear as mud!  Let's try this again, shall we???
I'm feeling some kind of way.  I'm feeling like I'm tap dancing on the edge of the biggest thing to ever happen to me, but I have NOT ONE idea of what it is!  A few weeks ago on new member Sunday at church (y'all know, but just in case you forgot - Victory Apostolic Church), each of us was given a rock with the letters "A.P." on it.  Ok, so I was kinda late that Sunday and had missed the Sunday before so I had NO clue what was up with the rock thing, ok???  Anyhoo, besides taking a group photo (which is currently hanging in the foyer of the church), we watched a testimonial video from some Victory members who had some severe life challenges but were there to share their victorious testimonies with us.  And then Pastor Singleton explained to us that we, the new members, were part of the original members prayers that the ministry would grow.  Accordingly, the rock was given to us as a tangible reminder of "answered prayers" and that perhaps we could share our answered prayers with the ministry.  How neat is that????  

A few months back while in my One-on-One Discipleship class, when we did the unit on prayer, our leader, Evangelist Harrison, told us we should pray some God-sized prayers but to make sure that they were specific and measurable so that we would know when God answered them.  Shoot, I started asking for miracles!  Seriously, I took out my faith journal, turned to the prayer section and wrote out several specific things I wanted God to do.  I also verbally prayed over those same things and told God that I wanted Him to work it all out in such a way that there was no doubt that He did it (there are some other steps to prayer, but that's not what we're talking about at this moment - just don't want anybody to get confused and think this is like rubbing Aladdin's lamp and the genie appears to grant your wishes - uh, not!).  I have consistently prayed the same prayers for the most part since then.  I also have some friends who have also been praying with me.  Nothing big happened right away, just a few little things.  But then things kept happening and they began to stack up.  I became hopeful. Then a few huge negative things happened all at once and they crippled me for a moment.  Just a moment though.  I got myself back on track, and I verbally and mentally submitted all of it to God.  And just like that!  I could feel the shift in the atmosphere and I've felt free ever since. And the little things have continued and gotten bigger and now they're starting to stack up to the point that I am speechless!  To the point that all I can do is chuckle and say, "I see you, God." 

Now, does this mean I have it all together and that everything I've been praying about has worked out?  Nope, not all.  Being human and prone to worry, when bad or threatening things occur I get panicky and I want to pick things back up and try to fix them myself.  But you know what?  I've already tried that and it didn't work.  So I figure I may as well try it this way.  I can't remember where I heard this, and I have heard it many times from many preachers, but I'm gonna share it with you here:  sometimes God allows things to happen in our lives that we don't understand and that we can't fix ourselves so that we have to submit to Him and so that He can get the glory.  I'm talking about stuff that seems impossible to our human eyes, He can turn that thing around in the blink of an eye! 

So my feeling?  I got a feeling that God has just begun to show up and show out over here and when He's done, my testimony will be one for the record books!  So it is with restless, anxious, excitement (that scares me just a little) I'm just waiting and praying.  And listening to those urgings (which I know is the Holy Spirit) as I get myself in position.  I got a feeling that my miracle is on the way!

The song that was in my head?  Dottie Peoples, "For my good," you can hear it here.  It so accurately describes what I'm experiencing in my life and maybe it will speak to you as well, whatever your situations.  Know that even though the devil meant it for bad, God meant it for your good and you will win!  Now take that with you over the weekend!

Wanna see my rock?  It sits on my dresser as my visual reminder that God is still answering prayer:

 

And now I've shared it with you!  

So how about you, blogland - have you ever just "had a feeling?"  Or is it just me???  Holla @ Darvi and let's talk about it!  I like to celebrate victories with other folks, because it confirms that He is still working... Have a blessed weekend and I'll see you on Monday!  

Obedience is better than sacrifice...

So I guess you know what today is?  That's right, it's Wednesday, also known as Hump Day!  Do the Humpty-Hump, do the Humpty-Hump!   I hope the week has been kind to you; it's been a great one for me. Well, why is that?  Let me count the ways:

1) Both kids are enrolled and settled in their new schools - Amen!  The Teen was the last one, because the high school required different documentation than the middle school, go figure.  But we got him finished and settled in on Monday.  Shout out to his counselor, Mrs. Staples for being able to mirror the courses he was taking at his old school;

2) I (finally) got ALL of the internet/cable/phone issues worked out as of yesterday.  This move order turned out to be more than a notion!  Shout out to two very special technicians from AT &T who handled everything for me, including being familiar with my account and the issues BEFORE they arrived and making sure that everything was correct before they left:  Jorge and Kenneth;

3) I went downtown today for an in-person interview with a recruiter, and after a full 5 minutes (seriously, 5, no more than 7 minutes), I was selected for an upcoming project that begins Friday;

4) We are 98.5% finished with moving everything from the old house.  Yeah, I know that we started this move 3 weeks ago, but it has been slow going because we weren't completely ready (clearly) and we really only had about a week and a half to prepare for it on top of everyday schedules and no professional movers this time.  So this move has been one for the record books!  But, it is almost over!!! Now, to figure out where all of this stuff is going...; 

5) I was able to touch base with an old friend that I haven't seen or spoken with in at least 20 years on last night (we just lost touch).  That was kinda neat! 

6) I ordered my first ever December Daily kit; and

7) I have peace and joy in my world!

And not just for me, prayers for my friends have been manifested as well:

1) a friend from college who has had to undergo two hip-replacement surgeries following an accident last year is recovering nicely after both successful surgeries, still praying for you, Torry!

2) my friend who was diagnosed with cancer almost 2 years ago finished her last cycle of chemo today.  Way to go, Lisa!

3) my friend, my sister, my buddy Pam started her first full week of work on Monday!  Woo-hoo!!!

Isn't that awesome???  I think so.  I'm sure you are scratching your head and trying to figure out how this ties in with the topic for today.  And as usual, I'm glad you asked!

The times up until now have been the best of times and the worst of times (meaning the past few years). They were filled with lots of good things.  But they were also characterized by tremendous valleys and insurmountable chasms!  It has been exhausting, frankly.  There have been so many times that I just couldn't fathom why things were going so horribly wrong... 

But, I'm still here.  I've always subscribed to the theory that God hasn't brought me this far to leave me.  It's what comforted and sustained me through college, through law school, through divorce and other just bad times during my life.  But this time it didn't seem to be true, I thought He had left me this time because this time has been so very different.  

You see, this is the first time in my life I have ever endured a continuous assault; it began in December 2012 and I'm still not free of attack yet.  I mean, I prayed, I cried, I prayed some more, I cried some more, I had low-lows, I screamed, I withdrew, I shut down, I bargained, I begged and I've pleaded.  But, nothing.  Until I took action...

Remember about 6 weeks ago I wrote about being able to "hear?" This year I realized that there was so much noise going on in my life:  stuff, events, people, personal commitments and just all around busyness that I couldn't hear.  So I started clearing out the junk so I could hear.  It has definitely been a process this year, and I've lost some "friends" and other associations along the way, but it's ok, I understand that everybody can't go where I'm going.  So I'm good.  I won't lie and say that the backlash hasn't hurt, but I'm ok. That was all part of obedience.  I can hear again and I'm listening.  Listening allows me to be obedient and so I've been doing that as well, even when I don't understand it... That's the most important thing at the moment.  

Let me break it down.  There were these two huge, huge things in my world that have frankly been sucking the life out of me!  And I was giving them so much time and energy that I rarely had time for much else. And I don't mean to say that they weren't good things, in moderation, but they had taken over my life.  One of them was the thing I referred to in that prior post and I can truly say that He made things so uncomfortable for me with that situation that I had no choice but to move my feet and get far away.  I even tried to negotiate away from what He said and let's just say that it's not happening.  Full obedience... The second thing is something that I felt convicted about, but had no means to fix it.  But you know what?  Once I expressed the desire to be obedient and to have it changed, it happened. Just like that.  Now, I was not expecting it to happen so quickly or in the manner that it did, and I was blindsided just a tad, but you know what?  It has all worked out in my favor and for my good.  In letting those two situations go and allowing Him to take care of them, I exercised obedience and have regained peace and a lightness that I haven't experienced in a few years! The other thing I gained is manifestation of what happens when we trust Him.  The lesson?  He has this, so stop worrying and just do what you're told!  Now of course that doesn't mean that everything is peachy keen, of course not!  But, I'm learning not to question and to just move when He says move, no matter what the circumstance and what it looks like on the surface.  

So all of that to say this:  stop fighting what you are being told to do.  Be obedient.  Move ya feet!

I promise you that what is on the other side of obedience is better than whatever it is that you are holding onto!

So how about it - anyone else like me (translation:  a work in progress) on this faith walk thing and learning to be obedient???? Holla @ Darvi!  Be blessed...

P.S. - Friday we will start talking about the transformation of the cozy house - can't wait!!!