The Middle

Greetings, Blogland!  Well, it's been a mighty long time since I've written (about 6 months or so, to be exact), and I'm mighty glad to be back!  I have reasons and they could either make a whole lot of sense to you or none at all.  It's been super busy (and also super stressful) during my time away and I've been trying to "right the proverbial boat," so to speak. Pastor Singleton said something yesterday that really captured part of the true reason I've been away - to avoid feeling like a hypocrite.  Yep, you read right.

My pastor spoke about it in the context of being a CPA and advising clients on financial planning at past times in his life when his own finances were not in the best of condition. Similarly with me, it strikes a chord in both my professional and spiritual life.  But Pastor Singleton went on to say that God admonished him:  Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34 NIV
Now what's funny is that I had no intention of including this, but well, here it is.  So maybe it's God speaking to me as well (also an inordinate amount of pins in my Pinterest feed today also repeated this theme...).

Which brings us to the subject of this post (which I started writing on April 24th, no fooling, "The Middle."  

Middle is defined as "the point or position at an equal distance from the sides, edges or ends of something."  There is a sitcom on the ABC network called "The Middle" (one of my favorites, actually).  It is about the Heck family:  middle-age, middle class, in middle America facing the day-to-day struggles of home, life, work and raising children. The thing is, this family is always one step forward, two steps back, forever staying in the middle.  For fans of Lord of the Rings, "Middle-earth" refers to the inhabited lands of men between the seas, or Middangeard.  The central idea of being in the middle is "between."  You've heard the cliche, "between a rock and a hard place," which has sometimes felt like the theme of my life here lately...

It's very easy to be joyful and spiritually on point when things are going well, we agree?

When there is no adversity, no health challenges, no financial challenges, no issues with your children, no job struggles, no relationship struggles, no housing issues- it is very easy to stay upbeat, joyful and resolute in where your faith, hope and trust lies.  I'm sure we can all agree on that.  Some of you would even boast that you could keep it together if one of those challenges were to strike.  But what about several or even all of them and all at once??? If you're human, your resolve just might start to weaken a bit.  You might begin to wonder if God has forgotten you as the days turn into months and perhaps the months into years.  Especially if for every step forward, you find yourself getting pushed two steps back, until you find yourself stuck in the middle.  

This thought and feeling of being in the middle has been with me for awhile.  I sometimes truly cannot understand why I have been given some amazing gifts and unbelievable dreams, courtesy of God Himself, yet I live in the land of "dreams deferred."  

Several years ago (seven, to be exact), I attended an Ecumenical Worship service for NPHCC at Harmony Community Church in Chicago and heard my first sermon preached by Pastor James Brooks (Pastor J).  The title of the sermon, I believe, was "Alpha and Omega," or the beginning and the end (See Revelation 1:8; 22:13).  The sermon struck such a chord with me that it led to me going back and subsequently joining that ministry, and still this day, I remember it like it was yesterday.  During the sermon, Pastor J illustrated God being the Alpha and the Omega by having someone stand on either side of him.  As he walked to the left, there was a person in front and one behind.  When he turned to the right, again there was a person in front of and one behind.  The point he made was this:  because God is the Alpha, He is always there in front of you clearing the way, and because He is also the Omega, He is always behind you, making sure you are not overtaken (paraphrasing here, I'm without my notes).

So what does that mean exactly?  It means that for the believer, the "middle" isn't such a  bad place to be, because it means that God is protecting and shielding you as you go along your way.  It means that He's fighting battles ahead of you before you get there, and that He's also behind you, protecting the flank.  In military tactics, a flanking maneuver is "a movement of an armed force around  a flank to achieve an advantageous position over an enemy.  Flanking is useful because a force's offensive power is concentrated in its front."  In other words, the enemy attacks the flank or rear, because it is where one is most vulnerable.  But, because God is the Alpha and the Omega, you, in the middle, are never vulnerable or unprotected.  God has no weakness and in His omnipresence is able to go before you and be behind you at the same time.  Take that, devil!

All great and well, but what do we do with this information?  I'm glad you asked!  What it means, in my humble opinion, is simply that God has this.  It means that we (I) can confidently and boldly go forth with the things He has placed within us (me), because He is in front of us (me), clearing the way, even though we (I) can't see it.  It also means that even though the enemy's weapons form and try to attack us (me) on the flank, they won't prosper, because God is behind us (me).  He is indeed, the Alpha and the Omega.  

To anyone who feels stuck and at times uncertain (like me), know the middle is not always the bad place it may appear to be at first sight.  Rather, the middle means you are between God's grace and mercy as the Alpha and Omega, and that you can courageously and fearlessly move forward in whatever it is He called you to do.  Does it mean that everything will go your way?  Nope, not at all.  But what it does mean is that you can be secure in the knowledge that God has you, no matter what it looks like in front or behind you.  Ted and Sheri did a song called "Work the Middle" that illustrates what we are to do in the middle (unfortunately I can't seem to find a link to the song itself, but it's on their 2001 album, the healing starts right here - go check it out on iTunes).  

Listen, as I have always been, I will continue to be transparent in telling my story.  I refuse to let the devil's minions of pride and embarrassment deter me from sharing what God has put in me to share.  The Word says they were overcome by the word of their testimony in Revelation 12:11.  And while I by no means have it all figured our or even half figured out, I will not fail to glorify Him by keeping silent, even in the middle.  I hope that this post encouraged someone today.  I had to smile to myself as I wrote it.  We simply cannot allow the enemy to make us feel defeated, no matter where we find ourselves.  

Well, since it's been awhile, holla at your girl just to check in!  And be sure to pray for me - I have my 46th birthday coming up next week, the oldest teen graduates from high school in a few weeks, and there is all manner of things on the horizon that I am trying to wrap my head around!  Be blessed!!! xoxoxoxo

Some thoughts on the notion of "Perfection..."

Happy Tuesday (yeah, I know.  I'm getting really, really bad about not pre-writing, but sometimes what I PLAN to write about isn't what I'm LED to write about.  So just bear with me sometimes, I am learning to be obedient... [that is another post entirely!]).  

I hope that everyone is doing well.  I'm in a hectic time right now, lots of things happening at once and not enough time to get everything done!  Which means that emails don't get sent, calls don't get returned, texts are forgotten and blog posts aren't written...

What does all that mean?  It means that try as I may, no matter how hard I try, I'm not perfect.  I don't always have it all together.  Some days (ok, this is me, EVERY day) I start with a grand to-do list and all these ideas on what I'm going to accomplish that day.  Yeah. Then the Tween has an epic slow down and my morning plans are shot (happened today). Or I run into an old friend and we end up chatting for an hour when I (finally) dropped the Tween off at camp (also happened today).  So my morning start got pushed back almost 2 hours, and I have a full afternoon already (not to mention another last minute thing thrown into the mix this morning but I had to add it, class tonight and yesterday's undone tasks!)... you get the idea.

So I'm not perfect.  It's one of my major faults.  I'm actually just, wait for it... HUMAN.  And I accept that.  In fact, I accepted it a long time ago.  It just seems that other people I come into contact with can't, don't and won't accept it.  They are unwilling to extend the benefit of the doubt.  They appear to be unable to accept shortcomings and humanness.  Newsflash: the last time I checked, we were all human (unless I'm in contact with some alien life forms that I was unaware of...).  Meaning that we are all imperfect beings.

What does this mean?  It means, folks need to adjust their unrealistic expectations.  You know, those that are quick to demand perfection but in return expect grace for their missteps, mistakes and imperfectness.  The idea that real life doesn't happen to other people, just themselves.  Those that are quick to point out someone's shortcomings and criticize, but are unwilling to lend a hand or become a part of the solution.  You know those people...we all do.

So today, August 11, 2015, I make this grand announcement to the world:  I AM NOT PERFECT!  There, I said it!  Nor will I pretend to be... I can only be what I am, human, and with that comes mistakes and shortcomings.  If you are to be in my world on any level, then you must accept and expect that.  And either you will extend grace, mercy and forgiveness in those instances, or not.  There's always a choice.  

You know I love a good list, so here's a good place for one.  Reasons why you should accept humanness in others:

1) The Lord's Prayer says:  "...forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us..."   How do you expect grace and forgiveness if you won't give it????

2) Which leads to number two, you never know when you will need grace for your humanness... Let that marinate for a minute.

3)  The bible also says this:  "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."  Matthew 7:5 (NIV)

(Image from here).

Which means that you should examine yourself before you examine others.

4) My grandmother used to say this:  "every time you point one finger at someone else, there are three point back at you."  

5) Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones.  Enough said.

6) Last but not least, no one is perfect.  It's as plain and simple as that!  I just saw this on Pinterest last night and it actually inspired this post (along with some real-life drama going on):

(Image from Pinterest, but originally from here).

So what am I saying?  Cut folks some slack sometimes!!!  You never know what a person is going through, just by looking at them.  Everyone doesn't wear their issues on their sleeves and smiles hide a lot of pain and stress sometimes.  

Take me for instance.  I know there are people who think/feel that I have disappeared or just fell off the face of the earth right now.  No, not so much.  But I am dealing with some life things at the moment that are terribly important and take everything within me to manage. Like this:  today marks 741 days of unemployment for me.  That is pretty major.  But I thank God that we are still standing (bent at this point, but standing, nonetheless).  That being said, when you say your prayers (if you are a prayer-type of person), say one for me and my family that our finances continue to hold during this season (and I thank you in advance).

Ok, got that off my chest, and maybe it will help someone who is going through this also from the perspective of being judged or maybe you are the judger.  Either way, I hope it inspires you to examine yourself.

On a side note, this past weekend I had the opportunity to spend some time with a group of talented ladies that I just "met" via Meetup, The Creative Southsiders.  It was a pleasure to meet them and see the things they were working on (forgot to take pictures - next time) and it gave me some much needed downtime as well.  I worked on the wall piece for the new baby (unfinished because her name hasn't been finalized yet), and some scrapbook pages. I really needed the  break, so many thanks to The Creative Southsiders for having me!!! Here's what I worked on:

Here's the wall art for the new baby; I saved space for her name and more embellishments.  I used paper from American Crafts Play line (from 2007...), some bling trim from Michael's, the "princess" sticker from an old Pebbles kit, the 3-D princess sticker is also from Pebbles, cardstock from Bazzill and Die Cuts with a View, flowers from Prima and Bazzill and butterfly stickers from Jolee's.

This page is adorbs!  It features my nephew and great nephew!  I used primarily papers from Heidi Swapp's September Skies line, cardstock from Close to My Heart (outdoor denim, my all-time favorite navy cardstock), stickers and flag pennant from Basic Grey, foam letters and ribbon from American Crafts, some small star stickers from Studio Calico, and a random star that I had in my stash (I think it's from Creative Imaginations).  It's my favorite page of the day!

I'm not quite finished with this page; but I only had limited supplies with me.  This features the Tween's very first eye appointment in 2009!  I used papers by Carta Bella (So Noted Collection), cardstock from Close to My Heart (bamboo, my all-time favorite neutral cardstock), a flair button from Basic Grey, and a really old flower embellishment.  Still needs a little more embellishing though...

Welp, you know that to-do list I was talking about???  I have to get to back to it now.  Thank you so much for reading my blog and for your encouraging comments, emails, texts and Facebook messages!  I am humbled that my little posts inspire folks sometimes.  So thank you.  I am on bloglovin' now, so you can follow me there.  It's actually very neat, you can follow all of the blogs you read in one place.  Check it out here.  

But back to the subject of this post just for a second.  Just remember to give folks the benefit of the doubt sometimes, you never know what they are dealing with.  That's all I'm saying. Do you agree?  Holla @ Darvi!  Be Blessed!!!

The Struggle is Real...

Happy Hump Day!!!  I hope your week is going well.  I have fully recovered from the holiday weekend and am looking forward to this coming weekend which should be much slower!  

I'm going to be a bit transparent here and let you know that I am going through some things. There, I said it.  We often spend so much time and energy keeping up appearances for folks that really could care less what's going on in our worlds and you know what?  I'm tired.  

I went back and forth on how I was going to write this post, but transparency won.  Hopefully my transparentness (is that a word?  if not, consider it a new "Darvism.") won't turn anyoneoff or make them look at me differently, which has been a big deal to me for awhile (go figure), but transparent I must be.

Anyway, this month is a little hard for me, one I have dreaded all year without  a total change of circumstance.  You see, it was two years ago this month that I learned that I would no longer have a job at the end of the month.  To say that the past 2 years has been challenging is the understatement of the year!  My whole life has changed, in some ways good, in most ways horrible!  I spent the second half of 2013 and the first half of 2014 in a real funk.  And I won't pretend that I don't still have some pretty crap days in 2015.  Because I do.  Days where I just totally withdraw from everything because I just literally could not do it.

You have to understand that I have ALWAYS worked, since I was 15 years old. That's almost 30 years of consist employment (and I spent 16 years on that particular job), so it's been a huge adjustment, plus the challenges.  (I did say I had challenges, right?)  My career has always been a huge part of who/what I am, and it's been a huge adjustment to not be that person anymore.  I had hoped that by now things would be different and I would be looking back on that time, not still in it.  But that isn't yet the case.  The other thing is, for the first time in my life, I don't really have a "plan."

Everyone who knows me knows that I almost ALWAYS have a Plan A, B, C and possibly a D.  But not this time.  Every one of my "plans" has not worked out and that's been another huge adjustment for me.  Because I'm a perfectionist and I don't like failure.  But most of all, I have felt like everything I've ever believed has been challenged, including my faith.  I had even gotten to the point that I wasn't even sure what I believed anymore (and coming from a kid who grew up in church, COGIC no less, that is saying a LOT).

So when that horrific thing happened to me two years ago, I struck out on what I thought was my ultimate dream (HA!) and ended up in somewhat of a nightmare.  However, I also found myself on a totally different journey than I could have ever imagined at the time.  I daresay that I would have never found this path if my course hadn't been altered.  Please know that the challenges haven't ended, but my perspective (my lens) is different.  It doesn't mean that things are suddenly great, but I just don't feel stressed and anxious about it - today at least.

I have mentioned before that I'm a Believer.  Yes, that means a Christian.  What I am not is a Bible-thumping, over-judgmental, holier than thou person who tries to shame folks into believing.  Nah, I don't roll like that.  What it does mean is that I have a relationship with God. It's not always where it should be, so like me, it's a work in progress.  

This year (2015), I decided to take more of an active role in building up my personal foundation because it has taken a huge hit .  I have reevaluated some relationships, activities and am really working on myself during this season.  I started a faith journal this year, which has become part of a new journey (later on this), and a rewarding one.  I realize I'm getting to the age when you really have to make some decisions on how you are going to approach the third quarter of life and also that those decisions are yours alone.

I am not a person who likes change or thrives on change, so all of this change has been really unsettling.  To make matters worse, I had to make the really tough decision to leave my church because it was just too far for me to travel at this time.  But, I did find a church closer to home that I enjoy (although I miss my old church so much sometimes that my heart aches).  Anyway, my new church, Victory Apostolic Church in Matteson (which you should totally visit one day if you live in the South Suburbs), offers many different ministries and classes, as well as activities to keep you busy and grounded! One of the classes offered this summer is One-on-One Discipleship, which will be a 10-week, one-hour course (it started last night).  Me and my sorority sister Pam decided to take it together (can you tell that me and Pam have a lot of adventures together????).  

We signed up not knowing what to expect, and we walked in not knowing what to expect, lol! 
After leaving our first session, we are both a bit excited to see where the class is going to take each of us personally on our faith walks.  I"m hoping that I will have more peace and my faith renewed; only time will tell the ultimate outcome. 

Here is the book for the class:

I'm not sure what the outcome will be, but I'm sure that it will be an adventure, albeit a personal one, and that some change will be inevitable.  But hear me, on this here thang? The struggle is real!      

So, what about you- any personal journeys for you in 2015?  Anyone agree that the struggle is truly real????  Let's talk about it!  Holla @ Darvi!  Be Blessed!!!