Security of Identity...

Dear Blog Land,

Happy 2018!  Yes, of course I am fully aware that 2018 started 21 days ago and that I am horribly late with my greeting!  And that it's been a ridiculous amount of time since I last posted (a full post).  And also that there really are no excuses.  Except, well, life happened.  And as life happens, sometimes we actually have to sit back and just let.it.happen.  I will apologize in advance for the LONG POST today; but, well, you know!

I have missed centering myself and pouring out to you.  But, I had to truly take some time to be poured into.  2017 was a lot of things.  Like every other year, there were valleys (some lower than I have ever been before), but also there were tremendous highs (some that I never thought possible).  2017 was also a year of serious change in almost every area of my life! 

There's so much I want to say, I already know I will have to break this into several posts to get to it all.  And being me, I simply must do it in an orderly and methodical manner (what less would you expect from an OCD person?); if you missed my previous post about being OCD, you can read it here.

So my word of the year for 2017 was "focus."  That was the word I chose to direct the year (which I apparently did NOT share with you, so here's a brief synopsis).  Let's start with the definition of the word, found here:

Definition of focus 

                                                    

plural foci play \ˈfō-ˌsī also -ˌkī\ also focuses

1 a : a center of activity, attraction, or attention

   b : a point of concentration     

2 : directed attention : emphasis

3 a : direction 6c

b : a state or condition permitting clear perception or understanding

Next, my reasons for choosing the word.  2016 was actually "alright" for the most part.  The last quarter of the year was not.  I found myself grappling with a tremendous loss of self and still dealing with the ever-present financial woes of the day.  And I felt that I need to simply focus more: inward and outward.  There's more, but you get the gist.  If you missed my January 2016 post about why I choose a word of the year and the background on it, you can read it here.


The things that I did not stop doing in 2017 were 1) going to church weekly (I probably missed less than 5 Sundays the whole year), in case you forgot, that's Victory Apostolic Church in Matteson, IL; 2) continuing with my second year of Discipleship University (also at VAC); and 3) engaging in outreach activities.  All of which were things that kept me rooted and focused no matter what was going on. And trust me, there was PLENTY going on in 2017!  I'm going to do a four-part post about 2017 (I promise, I'm really going to do it), but not today. 


What I want to focus on today (see, there's that word again), is just about being secure.  Not
speaking in terms of financial security (although that's usually the first thing that people think of and certainly it is important).  But I mean being spiritually secure.  Because it's our souls that really matter, right?


On Saturday I received a spiritual "whooping" from my good friend Val in response to my emotional meltdown (yes, there's no other word for it but meltdown).  There is a thing (among things) that I am dealing with right now and it is exerting a lot of pressure on my life at the moment.  As I expressed to her, I felt "terrified" by it.  And she got me right real quick with a good old reminder to stop focusing on that thing, but instead focus on the Father who has control of all things (yes, even my thing)!  I paraphrased because I was not taking notes in the midst of my meltdown... I had a good cry, which was cathartic, and then I set about the business of letting go of the clutter that had invaded both my mind and my house.  I told that Google home thing (a gift from the boy, you'll hear about Christmas later) to start playing me some good old gospel music and got to work!  But if you're curious now, you can check it out here.


When I got to church on Sunday, the sermon was the last in a series on Soul, Mind and Body.  Without getting too deep (and I don't have my notes anyway), Pastor Singleton spoke about getting control of our bodies (or flesh).  Which for me looks like pushing myself to do things when I otherwise cave into the feeling of being too tired or controlling flesh in all its forms (especially the words that come out of my mouth)!  Ouch.  Which directly pertained to the clutter that I had allowed to accumulate and made excuses for (usually being too tired). I'm about 85% done with the projects I started on Saturday (yes, I made a list), and it already feels good (and looks better too)! 


But let's get back to that fear thing, or as I labeled it, "terrified."  During that chat on Saturday, I had to face some ugly truths.  Mostly about who I depended on and trusting that God's got me, no matter what.  Which I really do know better, but this flesh!  If you recall, I deal a whole lot with trust on this blog.  And I almost always keep coming back to it because I am a firm believer that trusting in God (exercising faith, whatever you want to call it) is how we are going to make it in this world and have a relatively stress-free existence.  Now, that doesn't mean that we will never have concerns and that everything will be a bed of roses all the time.  Far from the truth!  Beginning to trust God more will likely open up the most horrific can of worms that you could ever imagine!  But at the end of the day, the question is whether you are going to try and operate out of yourself or will you trust that God has it?  


Being honest (and what would this blog be without my honesty?), being an INTJ person (if you are not familiar with Meyers Briggs personality labels, you can get a quick primer here), I base my actions and make judgments based on logic and objective data, so I struggle in this area.  A lot. Also, I think that I put a lot of pressure to be the best at EVERYTHING on myself that is sometimes just unnecessary (raise your hand if you know it's impossible anyway!!!) and I believed I am being judged for being less than.  By people and even God.  But as the sermon yesterday reminded me, as a believer, our shortcomings have been covered by Christ's blood so that we appear blemish-free before God.  And honestly?  It's ok.    


I hope that this post will be encouraging for someone; I find that when I get too far off and into my own head and path that I get reminders (sometimes not so gentle) to turn my focus, not inward or outward but UPWARDS.  I just want to leave you (for now), with two things.  One is a scripture that should most decidedly be in your war room arsenal:


Romans 8:38-39New International Version (NIV)

³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

And two, this lovely image of my calendar for today (January 22nd) - it is a perpetual calendar that was gifted to me last year on a particularly hard day by C-Rob (you can purchase one here):

So wrapping up today - remember that God loves you in spite of you and your identity in him is secure!  Even if you let worry and circumstances cover you in mental and physical clutter (like me).  I love you and there's nothing you can do about it!  Thank you for your readership and patience!  Did this make some sense and bless you today?  Holla at your girl and let me know (or just say hi).

Have a wonderful day, Blogland!!! xoxoxo

~ Darvi

The Middle

Greetings, Blogland!  Well, it's been a mighty long time since I've written (about 6 months or so, to be exact), and I'm mighty glad to be back!  I have reasons and they could either make a whole lot of sense to you or none at all.  It's been super busy (and also super stressful) during my time away and I've been trying to "right the proverbial boat," so to speak. Pastor Singleton said something yesterday that really captured part of the true reason I've been away - to avoid feeling like a hypocrite.  Yep, you read right.

My pastor spoke about it in the context of being a CPA and advising clients on financial planning at past times in his life when his own finances were not in the best of condition. Similarly with me, it strikes a chord in both my professional and spiritual life.  But Pastor Singleton went on to say that God admonished him:  Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34 NIV
Now what's funny is that I had no intention of including this, but well, here it is.  So maybe it's God speaking to me as well (also an inordinate amount of pins in my Pinterest feed today also repeated this theme...).

Which brings us to the subject of this post (which I started writing on April 24th, no fooling, "The Middle."  

Middle is defined as "the point or position at an equal distance from the sides, edges or ends of something."  There is a sitcom on the ABC network called "The Middle" (one of my favorites, actually).  It is about the Heck family:  middle-age, middle class, in middle America facing the day-to-day struggles of home, life, work and raising children. The thing is, this family is always one step forward, two steps back, forever staying in the middle.  For fans of Lord of the Rings, "Middle-earth" refers to the inhabited lands of men between the seas, or Middangeard.  The central idea of being in the middle is "between."  You've heard the cliche, "between a rock and a hard place," which has sometimes felt like the theme of my life here lately...

It's very easy to be joyful and spiritually on point when things are going well, we agree?

When there is no adversity, no health challenges, no financial challenges, no issues with your children, no job struggles, no relationship struggles, no housing issues- it is very easy to stay upbeat, joyful and resolute in where your faith, hope and trust lies.  I'm sure we can all agree on that.  Some of you would even boast that you could keep it together if one of those challenges were to strike.  But what about several or even all of them and all at once??? If you're human, your resolve just might start to weaken a bit.  You might begin to wonder if God has forgotten you as the days turn into months and perhaps the months into years.  Especially if for every step forward, you find yourself getting pushed two steps back, until you find yourself stuck in the middle.  

This thought and feeling of being in the middle has been with me for awhile.  I sometimes truly cannot understand why I have been given some amazing gifts and unbelievable dreams, courtesy of God Himself, yet I live in the land of "dreams deferred."  

Several years ago (seven, to be exact), I attended an Ecumenical Worship service for NPHCC at Harmony Community Church in Chicago and heard my first sermon preached by Pastor James Brooks (Pastor J).  The title of the sermon, I believe, was "Alpha and Omega," or the beginning and the end (See Revelation 1:8; 22:13).  The sermon struck such a chord with me that it led to me going back and subsequently joining that ministry, and still this day, I remember it like it was yesterday.  During the sermon, Pastor J illustrated God being the Alpha and the Omega by having someone stand on either side of him.  As he walked to the left, there was a person in front and one behind.  When he turned to the right, again there was a person in front of and one behind.  The point he made was this:  because God is the Alpha, He is always there in front of you clearing the way, and because He is also the Omega, He is always behind you, making sure you are not overtaken (paraphrasing here, I'm without my notes).

So what does that mean exactly?  It means that for the believer, the "middle" isn't such a  bad place to be, because it means that God is protecting and shielding you as you go along your way.  It means that He's fighting battles ahead of you before you get there, and that He's also behind you, protecting the flank.  In military tactics, a flanking maneuver is "a movement of an armed force around  a flank to achieve an advantageous position over an enemy.  Flanking is useful because a force's offensive power is concentrated in its front."  In other words, the enemy attacks the flank or rear, because it is where one is most vulnerable.  But, because God is the Alpha and the Omega, you, in the middle, are never vulnerable or unprotected.  God has no weakness and in His omnipresence is able to go before you and be behind you at the same time.  Take that, devil!

All great and well, but what do we do with this information?  I'm glad you asked!  What it means, in my humble opinion, is simply that God has this.  It means that we (I) can confidently and boldly go forth with the things He has placed within us (me), because He is in front of us (me), clearing the way, even though we (I) can't see it.  It also means that even though the enemy's weapons form and try to attack us (me) on the flank, they won't prosper, because God is behind us (me).  He is indeed, the Alpha and the Omega.  

To anyone who feels stuck and at times uncertain (like me), know the middle is not always the bad place it may appear to be at first sight.  Rather, the middle means you are between God's grace and mercy as the Alpha and Omega, and that you can courageously and fearlessly move forward in whatever it is He called you to do.  Does it mean that everything will go your way?  Nope, not at all.  But what it does mean is that you can be secure in the knowledge that God has you, no matter what it looks like in front or behind you.  Ted and Sheri did a song called "Work the Middle" that illustrates what we are to do in the middle (unfortunately I can't seem to find a link to the song itself, but it's on their 2001 album, the healing starts right here - go check it out on iTunes).  

Listen, as I have always been, I will continue to be transparent in telling my story.  I refuse to let the devil's minions of pride and embarrassment deter me from sharing what God has put in me to share.  The Word says they were overcome by the word of their testimony in Revelation 12:11.  And while I by no means have it all figured our or even half figured out, I will not fail to glorify Him by keeping silent, even in the middle.  I hope that this post encouraged someone today.  I had to smile to myself as I wrote it.  We simply cannot allow the enemy to make us feel defeated, no matter where we find ourselves.  

Well, since it's been awhile, holla at your girl just to check in!  And be sure to pray for me - I have my 46th birthday coming up next week, the oldest teen graduates from high school in a few weeks, and there is all manner of things on the horizon that I am trying to wrap my head around!  Be blessed!!! xoxoxoxo

Faint Not

Hello, Blogland Framily!!! As you can see, I took the summer off.  Unintentionally at first, but then it became very intentional as I realized that I needed to recharge my batteries.  It's not that I haven't had anything to say; there has been so much happiness, sadness, pride and defeat this summer, both in my personal world and the world at large.  

There was sadness, anger and outrage and more and more unarmed African-Americans were gunned down, both by police and cruel, heartless thugs who clearly don't aim well. There was more sadness as I witnessed the horrifying shootings of police officers in Dallas and Louisiana.  There was pride as I watched so much #blackgirlmagic at the Olympics, yet defeat when I saw how the public was more concerned about Gabby's hair than celebrating her accomplishments.  More defeat as the closeted, unspoken racism in America is now front and center, with the upcoming Presidential Election at the forefront.  And that's just a snippet of the things that happened in the world at large - there were many more happy and sad moments that occurred over the summer.  

It was the same in my personal world.  July 31st marked year 3 since my professional world was turned upside down.  It is very close to the one-year anniversary of my personal world being shaken, not stirred.  The same for my friendship garden - it looked very different than it did just one year ago (for awhile it looked like rabbits had eaten everything, much like they're doing to the grass in my yard right now). Just a year ago found me on the edge of a precipice with a wall at my back... But God.

You see, there has been enough happening to make one want to holler, in the words of Marvin Gaye.  Enough to make even the strongest person want to sit a spell and catch their breath.  And make no mistake, I've been tired, weary if you will.  And I've had to take some much needed rest periods from lots of people and things over the past year so I could quiet myself and hear.  This summer was no exception.

This summer, I took my first vacation in 9 years.  And although I had trepidation about spending the money, I'm glad I did it - I needed it.  This summer I also made a life-altering decision concerning my career - I've decided to give it up.  Well, at least in its most common form.  I will still be doing some project work while I transition, but I am actively pursuing opportunities outside of the field of law.  I will also be pursuing something I've wanted to do since I was a little girl - teach.  So I will be going into the K-8 classroom as well to determine if I truly want to switch to education permanently.  A huge decision, but one that has lifted a huge burden from me (not to mention erased some stress...).

Speaking of, I'm not sure if it's the stress or hormones that have me on the edge of crying a lot of days here lately.  Case in point, Sunday after church, while having a conversation with my journey sister, when she looked me in my eyes and asked how I was, I just lost it!  I told her the truth - that I was tired and a bit overwhelmed (I had gotten some bad news on Friday that had greyed up my weekend a bit).  The good thing (and a thing I really like about my church) is that immediately she, Evangelist Carpenter, one of my sorority sisters and another friend, who were all nearby, noticed my distress and immediately came over to comfort me.  Then my pastor walked over, inquired and he prayed for me.  That made me feel much better and grateful to be in a ministry where the pastor is not above touching the people.  

Yesterday (Tuesday) morning I had the occasion to be at the homegoing services of my line sister and found myself sitting next to a "seasoned" soror from my undergraduate chapter (1973) that I love dearly, and we were talking and just catching up before the services began as it's been some time since we've seen one another.  She started asking me about different aspects of my life, most of which are dramatically different from the last time we had spoken.  She was visibly shocked and I had to struggle to keep it together, and I explained to her simply that I was tired and needed a break.  Other things were forced breaks that almost broke me, but a break nonetheless.

Anyhoo, later on yesterday found me with my journey sister checking in again and catching up with one another.  Everything boiled down to the same sentiment - I'm tired.  Before we left to head over to church for service, she handed me a gift bag.  Inside was a lovely one-year devotional journal:

She said, although the year is almost over over, this is a way for you to stay connected and to be sure and have at least a few moments of quiet time with God.  I was very surprised, grateful and it's so pretty!  The embossing reads, "My strength and my song," and on the back is Psalm 59:16 in its entirety.  Very nice and apropos.  Right?

I'm sure by now you're wondering where I'm going with all of this long, drawn-out story, am I right?  Well, I'm glad you asked!

I had initially decided to wait and start the devotion tomorrow (Thursday, September 1st) since it was the beginning of a new month, but for some reason I grabbed it and put it in my bag today.  Then I started to leave it in the car when I got to the train, but at the last minute, I grabbed it.  Once I was settled on the train I turned to August 31st and guess what the title was?  "Do not grow weary."  Apparently I needed to read it TODAY.

The scripture for today - "Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."  Galatians 6:19 ESV  The devotional reading begins to discuss the concept of sowing and reaping, basically that you reap what you sow.  For example, if you plant corn, you will reap corn.  You can confidently sow a row of spinach and not expect cauliflower to grow instead - you didn't sow cauliflower seeds.  The devotion goes on to note that the same principle applies to sowing seeds of goodness:  "If you sow seeds of goodness like forgiveness, gentleness, and honesty, you are guaranteed to reap the fruit of those seeds.  There is one trick - don't give up.  Don't plan to reap something that you just started sowing.  Maybe you will see fruit immediately from the good seeds you planted, but in most cases, it takes years.  Rest assured, you will eventually reap the seeds of goodness if you don't give up."  The last piece of the devotional was a short prayer:  "Lord, help me not grow weary in doing good.  Give me long term vision that doesn't get discouraged in short term losses."  And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the point of this post.

When I say I'm tired, I'm not referring to my physical body (although that clearly does get tired and certainly my 45-year old body that stays constantly in a state of revolution gets tired with no shortage of help from my blood pressure medicine, but I digress).  I'm referring to emotionally; exhausted from the effort of continually pouring into people and things and feeling like it is of no use.  And I'm tired, that's for certain.  The thing is, and what I've taken from this devotional reading, is that while it's natural to feel tired/weary when you aren't seeing results right away from your efforts, you should press on.  Applying that to my own life, it might appear to the naked eye that I have given up in some respects.  But, under the surface, know that each transition and life change has been prayed about and divinely directed.  Thing is, I feel like everything is moving in slow motion, and in some cases, one step forward, two steps back.  That feeling makes you want to chuck in the towel and just let go.  And that's precisely what the devotion was speaking to - not giving up your long term vision out of discouragement!  You SHALL reap a harvest of blessings!!!

So I encourage you today, whether it be a job search, furthering your education, opening a business - whatever it is, faint not!!!  And here's a song to feed your spirit as well, Ricky Dillard and New G, "If We Faint Not."  

How was your summer???? Holla @ Darvi and let me know! Be blessed, Blogland and enjoy your evening!!!  xoxoxoxo

Faint Not

Hello, Blogland Framily!!! As you can see, I took the summer off.  Unintentionally at first, but then it became very intentional as I realized that I needed to recharge my batteries.  It's not that I haven't had anything to say; there has been so much happiness, sadness, pride and defeat this summer, both in my personal world and the world at large.  

There was sadness, anger and outrage and more and more unarmed African-Americans were gunned down, both by police and cruel, heartless thugs who clearly don't aim well. There was more sadness as I witnessed the horrifying shootings of police officers in Dallas and Louisiana.  There was pride as I watched so much #blackgirlmagic at the Olympics, yet defeat when I saw how the public was more concerned about Gabby's hair than celebrating her accomplishments.  More defeat as the closeted, unspoken racism in America is now front and center, with the upcoming Presidential Election at the forefront.  And that's just a snippet of the things that happened in the world at large - there were many more happy and sad moments that occurred over the summer.  

It was the same in my personal world.  July 31st marked year 3 since my professional world was turned upside down.  It is very close to the one-year anniversary of my personal world being shaken, not stirred.  The same for my friendship garden - it looked very different than it did just one year ago (for awhile it looked like rabbits had eaten everything, much like they're doing to the grass in my yard right now). Just a year ago found me on the edge of a precipice with a wall at my back... But God.

You see, there has been enough happening to make one want to holler, in the words of Marvin Gaye.  Enough to make even the strongest person want to sit a spell and catch their breath.  And make no mistake, I've been tired, weary if you will.  And I've had to take some much needed rest periods from lots of people and things over the past year so I could quiet myself and hear.  This summer was no exception.

This summer, I took my first vacation in 9 years.  And although I had trepidation about spending the money, I'm glad I did it - I needed it.  This summer I also made a life-altering decision concerning my career - I've decided to give it up.  Well, at least in its most common form.  I will still be doing some project work while I transition, but I am actively pursuing opportunities outside of the field of law.  I will also be pursuing something I've wanted to do since I was a little girl - teach.  So I will be going into the K-8 classroom as well to determine if I truly want to switch to education permanently.  A huge decision, but one that has lifted a huge burden from me (not to mention erased some stress...).

Speaking of, I'm not sure if it's the stress or hormones that have me on the edge of crying a lot of days here lately.  Case in point, Sunday after church, while having a conversation with my journey sister, when she looked me in my eyes and asked how I was, I just lost it!  I told her the truth - that I was tired and a bit overwhelmed (I had gotten some bad news on Friday that had greyed up my weekend a bit).  The good thing (and a thing I really like about my church) is that immediately she, Evangelist Carpenter, one of my sorority sisters and another friend, who were all nearby, noticed my distress and immediately came over to comfort me.  Then my pastor walked over, inquired and he prayed for me.  That made me feel much better and grateful to be in a ministry where the pastor is not above touching the people.  

Yesterday (Tuesday) morning I had the occasion to be at the homegoing services of my line sister and found myself sitting next to a "seasoned" soror from my undergraduate chapter (1973) that I love dearly, and we were talking and just catching up before the services began as it's been some time since we've seen one another.  She started asking me about different aspects of my life, most of which are dramatically different from the last time we had spoken.  She was visibly shocked and I had to struggle to keep it together, and I explained to her simply that I was tired and needed a break.  Other things were forced breaks that almost broke me, but a break nonetheless.

Anyhoo, later on yesterday found me with my journey sister checking in again and catching up with one another.  Everything boiled down to the same sentiment - I'm tired.  Before we left to head over to church for service, she handed me a gift bag.  Inside was a lovely one-year devotional journal:

She said, although the year is almost over over, this is a way for you to stay connected and to be sure and have at least a few moments of quiet time with God.  I was very surprised,d grateful and it's so pretty!  The embossing reads, "My strength and my song," and on the back is Psalm 59:16 in its entirety.  Very nice and apropos.  Right?

I'm sure by now you're wondering where I'm going with all of this long, drawn-out story, am I right?  Well, I'm glad you asked!

I had initially decided to wait and start the devotion tomorrow (Thursday, September 1st) since it was the beginning of a new month, but for some reason I grabbed it and put it in my bag today.  Then I started to leave it in the car when I got to the train, but at the last minute, I grabbed it.  Once I was settled on the train I turned to August 31st and guess what the title was?  "Do not grow weary."  Apparently I needed to read it TODAY.

The scripture for today - "Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."  Galatians 6:19 ESV  The devotional reading begins to discuss the concept of sowing and reaping, basically that you reap what you sow.  For example, if you plant corn, you will reap corn.  You can confidently sow a row of spinach and not expect cauliflower to grow instead - you didn't sow cauliflower seeds.  The devotion goes on to note that the same principle applies to sowing seeds of goodness:  "If you sow seeds of goodness like forgiveness, gentleness, and honesty, you are guaranteed to reap the fruit of those seeds.  There is one trick - don't give up.  Don't plan to reap something that you just started sowing.  Maybe you will see fruit immediately from the good seeds you planted, but in most cases, it takes years.  Rest assured, you will eventually reap the seeds of goodness if you don't give up."  The last piece of the devotional was a short prayer:  "Lord, help me not grow weary in doing good.  Give me long term vision that doesn't get discouraged in short term losses."  And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the point of this post.

When I say I'm tired, I'm not referring to my physical body (although that clearly does get tired and certainly my 45-year old body that stays constantly in a state of revolution gets tired with no shortage of help from my blood pressure medicine, but I digress).  I'm referring to emotionally; exhausted from the effort of continually pouring into people and things and feeling like it is of no use.  And I'm tired, that's for certain.  The thing is, and what I've taken from this devotional reading, is that while it's natural to feel tired/weary when you aren't seeing results right away from your efforts, you should press on.  Applying that to my own life, it might appear to the naked eye that I have given up in some respects.  But, under the surface, know that each transition and life change has been prayed about and divinely directed.  Thing is, I feel like everything is moving in slow motion, and in some cases, one step forward, two steps back.  That feeling makes you want to chuck in the towel and just let go.  And that's precisely what the devotion was speaking to - not giving up your long term vision out of discouragement!  You SHALL reap a harvest of blessings!!!

So I encourage you today, whether it be a job search, furthering your education, opening a business - whatever it is, faint not!!!  And here's a song to feed your spirit as well, Ricky Dillard and New G, "If We Faint Not."  

How was your summer???? Holla @ Darvi and let me know! Be blessed, Blogland and enjoy your evening!!!  xoxoxoxo

Are you a dreamer?

Happy day, my Blog Framily!!!  I am writing this on Pentecost Sunday, May 15, 2016, which is 50 days after Easter each year.  The significance of Pentecost is that it is the birthday of the Christian church, as it is when the Holy Spirit descended into the apostles and and other followers of Christ, as described in Acts 2:1-31.  At my childhood church, Ambassadors For Christ Church of God in Christ (AFC), we would have a huge celebration for Pentecost each year, complete with a feast and choir concert, as it is indeed a time for celebration.  I actually didn't really understand Pentecost until I was an adult (although I knew the passage of scripture in Acts 2 very well); I guess a lot of things you hear as a child and while you're growing up don't make sense to you until you grow up and grow in knowledge and understanding.  

Anyhoo, what made today special for me was that my mini-me, the Tween, who is on the Junior Instruments of Praise (JIOP- liturgical dance ministry), danced today to "Order My Steps."  If you aren't familiar with the song, which is a beautiful song, by the way, you can listen here:

The girls have worked very hard and diligently and were rewarded today with an outstanding dance that ministered to the congregation.  I am extra proud of my girl (although she didn't get the solo this time), she has really drawn upon all of her early dance training (ballet, jazz and tap), as well as integrating new styles (hip hop and stepping).  She even chose to give up the choir for dance (which is huge, if you know how much the Tween loves to sing!).  So I am very proud of her and all of the young ladies on the JIOP - Congratulations and Kudos to their ministry leader, Amber Whitted, who works so hard with them each week!

So I've hinted for the past few weeks that I have some new trails I'm blazing; I'm not ready to fully disclose yet, but I've been led to do some regrouping, rebranding, and some stretching.  In it all, I've been rejuvenated!  Let me explain.  

First, let me ask you a question:  Are you a dreamer?  

I'm a planner; a list maker extraordinaire; an intricate mix of creative spirit with Type A tendencies.  That makes for an interesting life, ya know?  Anyhoo, way back when I was in high school, I made a life plan up to age 25; then at 25 I made a life plan up to age 40 (I said I was a planner, go with it).  I didn't accomplish everything on those "life plans," but they were my dreams and provided me with a roadmap of sorts to try and accomplish them.  And I can truly say that I did see some of those dreams come true - which is an amazing feeling! Since age 40, I have been plan-less to a degree. Not that I haven't had any plans at all; each year I make a yearly intentional plan (which I'm sure I mentioned before), but no 5, 10 or 15 year plan.  So for as much as I've been able to check things off my annual plan, I had let go of having dreams.  If I'm being honest, a big part of the reason for that is that because of the level of disappointments and hurts I've experienced, I was afraid to dream anymore. Guess what?  Once you stop dreaming, you stop living... (just sitting that right here).

Well, during this whole life-changing process that I've been in for the past almost 3 years, I've had a lot of quiet time and self-reflection and all of that!  And through it all, whispering in my mind and my spirit is this message:  "it's ok to dream again."  That may not seem like a big deal to you, but to me, who has always lived a dreamer's life and hasn't for the past 5 years, that's huge.  During the move last fall, I came across one of my notebooks from 2005 where I had jotted down some ideas for things I would like to accomplish in the future.  At that time, I didn't have the proper support system to reach for those dreams, so I put them aside.  Hadn't really thought of them since.  But in the move, I came across the notebook and I didn't throw it away, but set it aside.  Since then, those things have been weighing heavily in my spirit, pushing me to pick them up again, and a little over a month ago, I said "ok."  And when I did that, things began falling into place to the degree that I know that is God directing my path.  Indeed, I pray each day for God to clear the path and remove any obstacles set forth by man to thwart the vision; to open doors that no man can shut; and to keep us squarely on task as we move forward.  And it's been going well.  So well in fact, that it was making me nervous, and the "what ifs" began.  

When I got to church this morning, guess what the sermon was about?  The title was "Your Dreams Can Come True."  (I keep telling y'all that God speaks to me...).  And for all my dreamers out there, even those who have been afraid to dream again, this post is to encourage you.

The Bible was full of dreamers; the first dreamer noted in the Bible was Jacob (Genesis 28:10-15) - and the lesson from that passage of scripture is that even during those times that you are doing the least thinking about God, He can be thinking the most about you... 
The next dreamer noted is Laban, Jacob's father-in-law (Genesis 31:29) - who got told in a dream to leave Jacob alone, basically.  Moving into the New Testament, there was Pilates' wife, who told him to leave that innocent man (Jesus) alone, because she had been troubled by dreams all night concerning him (Matthew 27:19).  Probably the most famous biblical dreamer was Joseph (which I know I've written about before); the passage of scripture noted today was Genesis 37:5-8.  The lesson to be learned from Joseph's life is that dreams from God must be nourished and nursed during hard times...

So my fellow dreamers, it's ok to dream again.  No matter what has happened, no matter how your dreams may have been thwarted up until now, no matter how many haters and evildoers have tried to stop you.  Regroup, restructure and rejuvenate, but don't stop dreaming!  As Thomas Jefferson said, "I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past."  Pastor Singleton said today, "you can't have a dream and not have someone try to shoot it down because they have no dreams of their own, so they try to bring you down to their level."  Even in suffering, don't give up on what has been put in your spirit. Directly from the sermon today and what struck me the hardest:  God knows how to get you where He wants you to be, even if wicked people are part of the path (and they will be held accountable for their actions).  Don't believe it? Go read the story of Joseph in Genesis; I also wrote about it before, you can read it here.  Believing in the dreams that have been quietly whispered into your spirit or in your dreams (day or night) and going for them takes faith.  As my friend and soror said today, sometimes it's a "faith crawl" instead of a faith walk, but keep moving.  

So my friends, I ask you again - are you a dreamer???  I can now answer that question affirmatively again:  Yes, I am a dreamer!  I have BIG dreams, so watch out world!!!  I found a fitting graphic for where I stand today:

So what say ye, Blog Framily - any other dreamers out there???  Holla @ Darvi, and let's talk about it!  Have an awesome week and pray for me as I pray for you.  Be Blessed. xoxoxo

Experiencing Power...

So Framily, I am definitely on a roll here this week!  And I am just about caught up with all that I have been wanting to share with you!!! And it feels good to be writing again - I miss it very much when I'm away too long... And wouldn't you know it?  I started feeling sick yesterday (and it continues this morning), just enough not to have finished this when I wanted to... 

I had originally decided to use the title of last Sunday's sermon for this post, but this morning when I woke up (feeling awful, I might add), I realized that it really is a question of your experience with God.  Go with me here.

"Who is God?"  was the title of this past Sunday's sermon (May 1st) and it has really stuck with me all week.  I'm sure that everyone, both believers and non-believers, has asked that question at one time or another.  I mean, we can't see Him and yet we're told that He's all around us.   

Now this one may get a little deep, but just try and stick with me as I recap the sermon and then add my own take on it all.   *following is the sermon summation from my notes taken during service except where otherwise noted.* 

Pastor Singleton started the sermon with this statement:  What you believe about God is the most important thing in your life: how you plan, live and end it.  

The text was short, Exodus 5:1-2:  

1Afterward Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh and said, “This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘Let my people go, so that they may hold a festival to me in the wilderness.’ ” 2Pharaoh said, “Who is the Lord, that I should obey him and let Israel go? I do not know the Lord and I will not let Israel go.”

Of course this is the beginning of the section of Exodus when God told Moses to tell Pharaoh to let His people go.  This was the very first time that Moses and Aaron had gone to Pharaoh, and of course, Pharaoh scoffed at their request.  It is clear that Pharaoh didn't know who God was.  (This of course happened pre-plagues and the Red Sea).  According to Pastor Singleton, there are two meanings to Pharaoh's statement in verse 2:  1) who are you talking about and 2) what makes you think I care about obeying Yahweh (one of the names of God used in the Hebrew Bible)?   

Fast forward to today and we have the same problems - people don't know who God is and they don't care about obeying Him.  There has been a domino effect in our world; not knowing God has caused our issues, and instead, "counterfeit Gods" of sex, money, politics, power, and personal success reign.  Pastor Singleton noted that while God made man in His image, today man is trying to make God in his image... meaning that because they don't know God, they make him up based on themselves (meaning that people are deciding what right and wrong is and no longer following any doctrine).

Now back to the text, Pharaoh believed God to be only the low-ranking God of slaves who couldn't do anything, so he probably thought nothing of his response.  Now Moses of course had a very human response to Pharaoh's response, see Exodus 5:22-23, "I did what you said, now the people are worse off than before."  Sidenote:  just because God tells you to do something and you're in the will of God, doesn't mean that you will immediately reap the reward; sometimes you get in more trouble at first but it starts with faith and obedience; the way may be rough, but in the end, God is faithful.  The Word goes on to say in Exodus 6:1 that God said now you will see what I will do; thus was the beginning of the battle between God and Pharaoh (and we all know how that turned out)!

Just like Israel, we serve an invisible God who is revealed by His power.  See here:

Isaiah 44:6-8New International Version (NIV)

The Lord, Not Idols

6 

“This is what the Lord says—

    Israel’s King and Redeemer, the Lord Almighty:

I am the first and I am the last;

    apart from me there is no God.

7 

Who then is like me? Let him proclaim it.

    Let him declare and lay out before me

what has happened since I established my ancient people,

    and what is yet to come—

    yes, let them foretell what will come.

8 

Do not tremble, do not be afraid.

    Did I not proclaim this and foretell it long ago?

You are my witnesses. Is there any God besides me?

    No, there is no other Rock; I know not one.”

He showed his power again with Elijah:

1 Kings 18:36-39New International Version (NIV)

36 At the time of sacrifice, the prophet Elijah stepped forward and prayed: “Lord, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be knowntoday that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your command. 37 Answer me, Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you, Lord, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again.”

38 Then the fire of the Lord fell and burned up the sacrifice, the wood, the stones and the soil, and also licked up the water in the trench.

39 When all the people saw this, they fell prostrate and cried, “The Lord—he is God! The Lord—he is God!”

God answers by power; it is the power of God that convinces unbelievers that He is God.  Know that He has not forgotten or forsaken you; He is setting things up so that you will know that He did it.  What you are going through prepares you for the next test  (you need to pass the test and stop being set back).  Remember that power belongs to God and there is NOTHING too hard for God.  All good and perfect gifts come from above- in the old testament, God was invisible but his power from above was always visible; in the new testament, Jesus came from above (John 1:14) and God's power was manifested in the person of Jesus!  Scripture references:  John 10:36-38; Revelations 1:8.  

Great sermon, right?  So while I love the title of the sermon, I have my own question for you:  Have you seen God's power in your life???

I had the occasion on last Sunday afternoon to surprise my aunt on my father's side, Debra Wills, at her annual birthday musical that I can never attend because I always have a conflict.  I am so happy that I rearranged my schedule in order to attend; I had no idea that she had been as sick as she's been.  Amidst the joy in celebrating her birthday and all of the wonderful singing that went forth, what struck me most (and stuck with me this week) was when she took the microphone to personally thank everyone for coming out and to share a bit of her testimony with those present.  She also handed out "thank you's" to everyone and I will share a bit of what it said here:

"God has kept me in ways you would never imagine and I have come through it all 'victorious!'  I can truly say, 'My God is an Awesome God.'  Trials, tribulations, heartache, sickness, financial hardships, etc. will come.  You can make it if you fight... How do you fight?  Prayer, fasting, a righteous and saved life!  Use your weapon called "Praise;" the word says 'In everything give thanks.'  1 Thessalonians 5:18.  Praise your way through!  We are not perfect, but I encourage you to live for God and He'll cause you to LIVE and have it more abundantly.  'Don't faint, use your weapons!'  As (her pastor) Pastor Palms has taught us, you may have to go through a process but God will deliver.  Job 23:10-12.  Have faith, believe it will come to pass; you're going to outlive what you're going through."

What an awesome testimony and outlook!!! Seeing her, the effects of the physical manifestation of her sickness, and the fact that the doctors had counted her yet she's still standing?  I KNOW she has seen the power of God working in her life! She'd kill me if I posted a photo of her, so I will refrain...but how about I post a photo of her musical invitation that was posted on the screen at the church instead- that shouldn't get me in trouble!

Know that when I listened to her speak and read her written words, it confirmed what was in Pastor Singleton's sermon earlier and what God has spoken to me about things in my world. I love my relatives; I am not as close to them as I'd like to be, but I love them dearly.  More on that in another post...

One of my favorite songs in the world is "Power Belongs to God" by Hezekiah Walker and LFC.  I'm going to share it with you hear; it is a powerful, powerful song about God's power.  It's pretty old, it probably was released somewhere around 1999, but still timely.  I hope you enjoy it.

So I ask you again, Have you seen God's power in YOUR life???  If so, Holla @ Darvi and share!  As always, be blessed! xoxoxo    

P.S. - I can't get this text to line up... I need an IT person!!!