When "they" smile in your face...

Good glorious Monday to you, blog world!  I hope you all had a great weekend!  I had a blast at my friends' anniversary party on Saturday!  The only bad thing was I got home so late that I didn't make it to church on Sunday and I hate missing church because I really need the message to guide my upcoming week. 

I was able to sneak in some creative projects on Friday night/Saturday afternoon.  I finished the wall art for the new baby (finally!  she was born last week and has a name, yeah!) and quickly put together a jewelry project that I wanted to wear Saturday night.  They both came out pretty nice, I think:

This is the framed page for the new baby; since the last photo I added her name
 in glitter cardstock and another butterfly (thinking of adding some photo corners).

This is a quick necklace and bracelet combo which used dyed howlite in the necklace
(wasn't happy with the pendant I got from Michael's though; might have to talk to them about
it) and reconstructed turquoise in the bracelet (loved how it came out!).

So onto the subject of this post, when "they" smile in your face.  Um, yeah.  You know what that's all about.  The O'Jays had a word for it:  BACKSTABBERS.  They even wrote a song about it, listen to it here.

 

 

 

No one likes it when they discover that they have fake friends.  Haven't met a person yet who counts that as a good day. 

 

 

 

 

How does this happen???  Most times, the "friendee" is oblivious to what is going on around them because folks do a good job masquerading (so totally off subject, but I love the song "This Masquerade" by George Benson.  You can listen to it here).  Oftentimes, the "friendee" learns quite by accident that their "friends" are fake.  A situation arises and a good Samaritan brings it to the "friendee's" attention what is really going on.  Let me tell you this:  when one finds out that people who pretended to their friend is not, it can knock the wind out of them.  There are a lot of thoughts and emotions that run through one's mind:  hurt, disappointment, anger, but the biggest of them all is BETRAYAL.  And that's a bit harder to overcome.  It also can sometimes take a long time to get over.  One doesn't know who to trust or how to move in their social circle anymore because of fake friends and sometimes it can lead to a lonely existence.  

 

So how do you know how to spot a fake friend?  Believe it or not, the Bible offers some guidance on this, so let's go:

 

1)   Psalm 55:21 "His words are as smooth as butter, but in his heart is war"

 

2)  Proverbs 26:23-25 " Smooth words may hide a wicked heart, just as a pretty glaze covers a clay pot."

 

3)   Psalm 41:9  "Even my close friend, someone I trusted, one who shared my bread, has turned against me."

 4)   Psalm 55:12-15 "For it is not an enemy who taunts me then I could bear it; it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me then I could hide from him. But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend. We used to take sweet counsel together; within God’s house we walked in the throng. Let death steal over them; let them go down to Sheol alive; for evil is in their dwelling place and in their heart."

5)  Jeremiah 20:10 For I hear many whispering. Terror is on every side! “Denounce him! Let us denounce him!” say all my close friends, watching for my fall. “Perhaps he will be deceived; then we can overcome him and take our revenge on him.”

Who knew, right???  So the question becomes what to do when you discover that you have been betrayed by someone you thought was your friend?

This is a tough one actually.  But I will do my best to answer that question:

1) DO feel.  It's ok to feel; you don't have to act like Teflon in that everything rolls off of you.  You get cut, you bleed. Everyone does, and it's ok to feel.  If you journal, you might want to write about it or even write the offender a letter explaining how you feel (don't send it; it's the exercise itself that is cathartic). 

2) DON'T seek revenge.  It's so very hard because you feel wronged and you want to make it stop.  But will that really solve the problem or create new ones?  Usually that will create new ones, so as hard as it might be, you really do have to turn the other cheek on this one...

3) DO seek wise counsel from a true friend.  You will want and need to talk about it, so do.  But be sure that the person you are talking to is wise and will listen without judgment and offer good advice.

4) DON'T put yourself in other situations to be hurt again or taken advantage of by the same person(s).  Be smart about your associations in the face of the situations and make adjustments where necessary.  You may have to leave your social circle altogether depending on how bad the situation is.  While that is sad on the one hand, if all of your so-called friends aren't true friends, have you really lost anything?

5) DO find solace in the Word.  If you've been betrayed, take heart, you're in good company!  Jesus was betrayed by one of his disciples and taken to a bogus trial that ended in His death.  Luke 22:47-48 While he was still speaking a crowd came up, and the man who was called Judas, one of the Twelve, was leading them. He approached Jesus to kiss him, But Jesus said, “Judas, would you betray the Son of Man with a kiss?”

6) DON'T feel bad for cutting your ties with the offenders.  You have every right to surround yourself only with people who like, love, support and uplift you.  Those are the kinds of people you want in your life, not fake ones anyway.

7) DO give yourself time to heal.  It will likely take a minute and that's ok too.  You don't owe anyone any explanation about why you need to step away from certain situations or people, just do what you need to do in order to feel better.

8) DO pray about it.  Whether you think you are experiencing such a situation or you know that you are, pray that God will open your eyes, grant you discernment and protect you from your enemies.  Also pray for guidance on how to deal with it.

9) DO forgive them.  I know this is the hardest one of them all, but you have to do it.  Remember that part of the Lord's Prayer I cited last week?  It still applies; you need to forgive your trespassers.  I know it hurts, but forgive them anyway.  If you say it every day (whether out loud or in your heart) that you forgive [insert fake friend's name here], eventually you actually will and it won't even matter anymore.

10) DON'T keep thinking about it.  This is hard.  As much as you might want to put it behind you, you won't be able to right away.  Because you will be angry and hurt.  Eventually though, it will fade away (it might take a long time though, it definitely won't be overnight).

I hope that this has been helpful; Lord knows I had to dig deep to write this one!

So what do you do when "they smile in your face?"  Am I on the right track with what I'm suggesting here?  Holla @ Darvi!  Have a great week and be blessed!!!

Left Brain vs. Right Brain

Happy Wednesday, everyone!  

Today we're gonna talk brains.  Yep.  That age-old discussion about whether you are right-brained or left-brained.  

For many years, I never thought of myself as creative.  I mean, I don't draw all that well (although I can color a mean picture with some fresh Crayolas!) and I just never actually did anything remotely creative.  I mean, I like to read, I like making lists and planning down to the very last detail (have a touch of OCD in that regard) and I think very logically and linear - usually.  Even my profession (lawyer) yielded itself to functioning mostly left brain.  Truly a left brain person.

Then, something happened, about 12 or so years ago... I started watching HGTV and fell in love with the design shows that were on at the time:  Divine Design, Mission Organization, Design on a Dime, Decorating Cents, Designed to Sell, to name a few.  Also I watched Trading Spaces on TLC.  On those shows I saw the most AMAZING house and room transformations ever!  And I was inspired to try and recreate some of the things they did on television (on a budget, of course!  I mean, who can really spend $800 on a comforter set??? not I, not I).  And you know what?  I liked it.  And was pretty good at it.  

I had a lot of input into designing things for the first home I had built with my then-husband back in 2002, including lighting, windows and other aesthetic touches to differentiate my house from the neighbors (we lived in a subdivision with a lot of similar homes).  And when it came time to paint, I drew upon the different design shows and painstakingly chose colors (tried out paint samples, taped swatches to the wall, and all that).  And it turned out pretty good.  Normally this is where I would insert a picture, but I don't have any handy since that was such a while ago.  You can trust me though!

And that is how my love of all things home decor was born.  There is nothing I like better than scouring stores for new items to add to my home's decor:  decorative boxes, interesting storage pieces, art work, throw pillows, rugs - you name it!  The best part is bringing the new piece home, placing it and feeling immense satisfaction of the item being simply PERFECT! That's a great feeling.  And nothing I like better... except crafting.

Crafting has become, over the years, my ultimate guilty pleasure.  It started with scrapbooking back in 2004 after the Tween was born.  I was at a friend's house, who had also just given birth to a little bundle of joy, and she was showing us the scrapbook she made of her pregnancy.  I was hooked!  Now, up until that point, the only "scrapbooking" I had ever done was for my sorority scrapbook when I pledged back in 1990 and periodically adding to it over the years.  But nothing like what I saw that day.  The next day, I went to Michaels and started buying stuff.   I came home that night and sat down at the seldom-used dining room table and started scrapbooking.  Now, because I doubted my creativity and feared messing up, I figured the safest bet for me to start was to play with redoing my sorority scrapbook (it only had two colors, so pretty hard to mess up).  I think I scrapbooked every day that week and went to store just as many times.  The dining room looked like a craft studio!

After a few weeks of that, I was brave enough to take a stab at doing baby books for the Teen and Tween.  Yes, the Teen was then 5 but I had all of his baby photos in albums, in chronological order and labeled.  The Teen was still an arm baby, so her new little life was happening in the moment.  So I took on the monumental task of beginning baby books for both of them simultaneously.  And thus my eternal love of scrapbooking was born.

It has truly been an adventure over the past 11 years, and I dare say it is still going strong.  I have attended conventions, retreats (even one down in Atlanta) and monthly crops (gatherings of scrapbookers where we work on projects, think book club without the books). I have hosted online scrapbooking groups, organized monthly and quarterly crops.  I have even sold scrapbooking supplies.  Here is some recent things I've done featuring the Tween and Teen when they were much younger:

   (Please pardon my messy work area in the background!)

Last year I added a new hobby to the mix - jewelry making.  Now, I went and took a class at Michaels because I wanted to learn to make some stretchy bracelets; I never dreamed that I would become that interested or inspired by it!  I have grown to love it so much that it rivals scrapbooking!  Here are a few things I've done fairly recently:

I think these things are pretty cute, if I do say so myself!  I do have some newer stuff, but I'm not posting any photos as I'm getting things ready for a launch party (more info about that in another post).  

Why am I talking about all of these things?  I'm glad you asked!  Because I'd been locked into the notion that I was purely left brain for so long that I never ventured to do anything creative because I didn't think I could.  But guess what I learned?  That I DO have some creative bones in my body!  I can make pretty things!!!  

My experience is not a new one; in fact it's supported by scientific fact that there is no such thing as being all left-brained or all right-brained.  This myth arose in the 1960s from the research of Dr. Roger Sperry and has unfortunately, convinced many people that they were unable to do certain things because of being labeled as right-brained or left-brained.  The fact is that we are all "whole brained" and both sides of our brain work in tandem. See more info here.  Now, which side we feed more is another story.

What am I saying?  Don't allow yourself to be limited by a silly stereotype.  All you button-down shirt types like I was, pick up a pen and some paper and start doodling.  Why? Because you can!  All you musical and artsy types, work on those math problems.  Why? Because you can!  If I can do it, so can you!  

What about you, have you stayed away from certain activities or professions because you though you were solely right-brained or left-brained?  How did you overcome that (or have you)?  Holla @ Darvi!  Be Blessed!