When "they" smile in your face...

Good glorious Monday to you, blog world!  I hope you all had a great weekend!  I had a blast at my friends' anniversary party on Saturday!  The only bad thing was I got home so late that I didn't make it to church on Sunday and I hate missing church because I really need the message to guide my upcoming week. 

I was able to sneak in some creative projects on Friday night/Saturday afternoon.  I finished the wall art for the new baby (finally!  she was born last week and has a name, yeah!) and quickly put together a jewelry project that I wanted to wear Saturday night.  They both came out pretty nice, I think:

This is the framed page for the new baby; since the last photo I added her name
 in glitter cardstock and another butterfly (thinking of adding some photo corners).

This is a quick necklace and bracelet combo which used dyed howlite in the necklace
(wasn't happy with the pendant I got from Michael's though; might have to talk to them about
it) and reconstructed turquoise in the bracelet (loved how it came out!).

So onto the subject of this post, when "they" smile in your face.  Um, yeah.  You know what that's all about.  The O'Jays had a word for it:  BACKSTABBERS.  They even wrote a song about it, listen to it here.

 

 

 

No one likes it when they discover that they have fake friends.  Haven't met a person yet who counts that as a good day. 

 

 

 

 

How does this happen???  Most times, the "friendee" is oblivious to what is going on around them because folks do a good job masquerading (so totally off subject, but I love the song "This Masquerade" by George Benson.  You can listen to it here).  Oftentimes, the "friendee" learns quite by accident that their "friends" are fake.  A situation arises and a good Samaritan brings it to the "friendee's" attention what is really going on.  Let me tell you this:  when one finds out that people who pretended to their friend is not, it can knock the wind out of them.  There are a lot of thoughts and emotions that run through one's mind:  hurt, disappointment, anger, but the biggest of them all is BETRAYAL.  And that's a bit harder to overcome.  It also can sometimes take a long time to get over.  One doesn't know who to trust or how to move in their social circle anymore because of fake friends and sometimes it can lead to a lonely existence.  

 

So how do you know how to spot a fake friend?  Believe it or not, the Bible offers some guidance on this, so let's go:

 

1)   Psalm 55:21 "His words are as smooth as butter, but in his heart is war"

 

2)  Proverbs 26:23-25 " Smooth words may hide a wicked heart, just as a pretty glaze covers a clay pot."

 

3)   Psalm 41:9  "Even my close friend, someone I trusted, one who shared my bread, has turned against me."

 4)   Psalm 55:12-15 "For it is not an enemy who taunts me then I could bear it; it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me then I could hide from him. But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend. We used to take sweet counsel together; within God’s house we walked in the throng. Let death steal over them; let them go down to Sheol alive; for evil is in their dwelling place and in their heart."

5)  Jeremiah 20:10 For I hear many whispering. Terror is on every side! “Denounce him! Let us denounce him!” say all my close friends, watching for my fall. “Perhaps he will be deceived; then we can overcome him and take our revenge on him.”

Who knew, right???  So the question becomes what to do when you discover that you have been betrayed by someone you thought was your friend?

This is a tough one actually.  But I will do my best to answer that question:

1) DO feel.  It's ok to feel; you don't have to act like Teflon in that everything rolls off of you.  You get cut, you bleed. Everyone does, and it's ok to feel.  If you journal, you might want to write about it or even write the offender a letter explaining how you feel (don't send it; it's the exercise itself that is cathartic). 

2) DON'T seek revenge.  It's so very hard because you feel wronged and you want to make it stop.  But will that really solve the problem or create new ones?  Usually that will create new ones, so as hard as it might be, you really do have to turn the other cheek on this one...

3) DO seek wise counsel from a true friend.  You will want and need to talk about it, so do.  But be sure that the person you are talking to is wise and will listen without judgment and offer good advice.

4) DON'T put yourself in other situations to be hurt again or taken advantage of by the same person(s).  Be smart about your associations in the face of the situations and make adjustments where necessary.  You may have to leave your social circle altogether depending on how bad the situation is.  While that is sad on the one hand, if all of your so-called friends aren't true friends, have you really lost anything?

5) DO find solace in the Word.  If you've been betrayed, take heart, you're in good company!  Jesus was betrayed by one of his disciples and taken to a bogus trial that ended in His death.  Luke 22:47-48 While he was still speaking a crowd came up, and the man who was called Judas, one of the Twelve, was leading them. He approached Jesus to kiss him, But Jesus said, “Judas, would you betray the Son of Man with a kiss?”

6) DON'T feel bad for cutting your ties with the offenders.  You have every right to surround yourself only with people who like, love, support and uplift you.  Those are the kinds of people you want in your life, not fake ones anyway.

7) DO give yourself time to heal.  It will likely take a minute and that's ok too.  You don't owe anyone any explanation about why you need to step away from certain situations or people, just do what you need to do in order to feel better.

8) DO pray about it.  Whether you think you are experiencing such a situation or you know that you are, pray that God will open your eyes, grant you discernment and protect you from your enemies.  Also pray for guidance on how to deal with it.

9) DO forgive them.  I know this is the hardest one of them all, but you have to do it.  Remember that part of the Lord's Prayer I cited last week?  It still applies; you need to forgive your trespassers.  I know it hurts, but forgive them anyway.  If you say it every day (whether out loud or in your heart) that you forgive [insert fake friend's name here], eventually you actually will and it won't even matter anymore.

10) DON'T keep thinking about it.  This is hard.  As much as you might want to put it behind you, you won't be able to right away.  Because you will be angry and hurt.  Eventually though, it will fade away (it might take a long time though, it definitely won't be overnight).

I hope that this has been helpful; Lord knows I had to dig deep to write this one!

So what do you do when "they smile in your face?"  Am I on the right track with what I'm suggesting here?  Holla @ Darvi!  Have a great week and be blessed!!!