Reflections on being 45…it has been the best of times and the worst of times!

Happy Tuesday, Blog Framily!  I hope you’ve had a wonderful three weeks!  I have been enjoying my birthday... The big 45.  I paused for a minute to let that sink in (I've been letting it sink in for the past 3 weeks...).

I am truly grateful to God for allowing me to have 45 years on this side and to experience all parts of life, the good, the bad, the ugly!!! Because, face it, it is all parts of life that have shaped me into the me of today (the good, the bad and the ugly…).  Here’s a recap:

I was born – May 25, 1971!  Not born under the ideal circumstances at the time, but I was born.  Here’s a baby picture, not newborn, we had a fire and my baby book was destroyed, but an infant photo just the same:  

And I was given the blessing of being raised by my maternal grandparents, who were to me, simply “Gramma and Gran-deddy” (you have to get that phonetic pronunciation going).

I attended an awesome preschool at Triedstone Full Gospel Church, where I learned to read very early and my love of reading was born (I was reading my mom’s books when I was in kindergarten)!  This is where I had my first graduation; I still remember us singing and performing “10 little Indian boys and girls” (I had forgotten that, it just came back to my remembrance today).  Here’s a picture of my graduation, it’s from 1976:

I attended Bates School (which no longer exists) where I had some awesome teachers that recognized my academic potential and jumped me after a week or two in first grade to second grade.  It was at Bates where I met some folks that would become eternal friends, where I developed my abhorrence for chocolate (milk, ice cream, pudding, frosting, egh!), where I was encouraged to just keep reading and writing, where my fear of worms and dogs was tested to new heights, where I had my first fight and my first crush.  It was also at Bates School where my 5^th grade teacher recommended that I (along with 3 other students) go to Kellogg School to be part of the options for knowledge program, a move that changed my life.

1981 found me being bussed to Kellogg and it was such an important part of my life journey!  I was in the options program in 6^th grade, and it was there I learned to research and really develop my writing.  It was a small school, only one class for each grade, and we were relatively close.  My graduating class had 32 people in it!  It was there I had access to physical science and biology classes, made lifetime friends, participated in “teach-ins” and plays, went to the opera, and was exposed to different things outside of my neighborhood, like a progressive dinner (which I SHALL recreate one day!).  I wish I had pictures, but we were busy living life, not photographing it!  I do have some pictures from my 8^th grade graduation; this is one with me with my mom back in 1984 after the graduation:

The next phase of my life was high school; from 1984-1988, I was an Honors Student at Morgan Park High School right on the south side of Chicago!  There I started my 4-year journey with a small group of students who were in the Honors Track with me and met some others along the way; again, lifetime friendships were formed.  It was there that I had experimental haircuts (asymmetrical bob, anyone?), survived neon and an obsessive fascination with pink during 1985, went on college tours, had sleepovers, played sports, went on dates (once I was old enough), learned how to drive, had my first heartbreak, had my first job (Brown’s Chicken on 116^th & Western), had many excursions to Evergreen Plaza, and enjoyed the heck out of my senior year, including prom.  Those were some of the best years of my life!!!  Here is my "official" senior year book picture:

After that was college; from 1988-1992 I was a student at the University of Illinois in Urbana –Champaign, where I attended on full scholarship.  It was there that I joined my sorority (Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority, Inc.), learned that I actually needed to STUDY to get good grades, traveled up and down I-57 more times that I can count, gained and lost the freshman 15, went on road trips, learned to truly live on my own, lost my grandfather (1992, 3 weeks before graduation), grew up and made lifelong friends.  My college graduation was one of the best days of my life, May 17, 1992 (I graduated just mere days before my 21^st birthday):  

Then that came my first forays into real adulthood (1992-2000):  I entered law school (I left law school; took a gap year then went back again), I got engaged and married (later separated and divorced), bought a house, became a mother (to the Teen), went back to school and graduated again, and met who would then become my second husband.  Here are my two graduation photos from John Marshall in 1997 and 2000, respectively:

Just before my 30^th birthday, I got married again and experienced a wonderful honeymoon in Italy.  I had my 30^th birthday twice, once in Rome and then again in Chicago when I got home where my grandmother had prepared all of my favorite foods!  Then just after my 30^th birthday, all hell broke loose.  I was pregnant at the time and ended up in the hospital having emergency surgery on June 19, 2001, when my (unknown) ectopic pregnancy burst my fallopian tube.  I almost died.  To say that was a life-changing event is truly the understatement of ever.  I was hurt and angry.  I had lost my baby and almost my life.  But on the brighter side, I was able to spend that whole summer with the teen before he started school in the fall and we had many adventures!

Fast forward (2002+): We had a house built in the suburbs, was pregnant again in 2003 (after a miscarriage in 2002), gave birth to the tween in 2004 and was generally ok in life… until it changed again!  I turned 35 in 2006 and was feeling rather blah with things.  So the next few years found me separated (again) and moving with my babies in 2009.  Life still went on; I went back to school again (2009), lost my grandma (2010), turned 40 (2011), began a relationship I thought would be my last (it clearly wasn’t), moved again and life was good.. until it wasn’t.  Here's my 2011 graduation picture from Governors State:

The rest of the story you already know:  lost my job in 2013, lost some friends and my relationship (2015), and lost my house (2015), but here I stand.  I gained an awesome church family (Victory Apostolic), began working on several ministries there, became a board member for Habitat for Humanity South Suburbs (2015), joined the Top Ladies (2016), reconnected with some wonderful people and developed some new friendships as well, and am slowly, but surely, righting my balance. 

And that brings us to today, just three weeks after my 45^th birthday, which I celebrated with 50-60 of my friends and family with a Kate Spade-inspired party!  Wasn’t I cute????  

When I look back over my life’s journey, like everyone else’s, it’s not a straight line, but a series of ups and downs as I experienced the best of times and sometimes the worst of times.  But I can truly say that I’ve been blessed and I indeed have a testimony.  I can also say that I’m content and have joy! No, things aren’t perfect where I stand right now, not by a long shot.  But I can see the hand of God at work in my life, from having me skip 1^st grade to living with my grandparents to sending me to U of I on a full scholarship, to passing the bar exam on the first try under truly egregious and mostly non-existent study conditions, to every unhappy ending and each new beginning – brand new mercies everyday!!! Looking back gives me even more hope for the future!  My future is so bright, I gotta wear shades!!!

Scripture says:  Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path – Proverbs 3:5-6.  I don’t know about you, but I am learning more and more each day to trust God with EVERYTHING, even the things that seem small, and to listen to the urgings of the Holy Spirit in telling me what to do.  And you know what?  He will indeed direct your path!  It is a learning curve, for sure, but it gets easier and easier the more you do it.

 

I would like to take this time to thank my village – my family and friends – who have been there through all of it:  the good times, the bad times, the happy times, the sad times.  As one of my favorite songs by the Mississippi Mass Choir says:  "having you there made the difference."  So thank you.  I appreciate and love my village so much, even though I'm not always able to see or talk to them, I know they are there, rooting for me, praying for me. And it makes it all worth it.

I know that I have indeed been blessed in my 45 years; and I believe that God still has yet to do his greatest work through me.  Right now, I am going where He leads me and enjoying each step of the journey.  I hope that you will trust Him with your journey too!

Have a blessed week!  Oh and I'm still collecting birthday wishes, so Holla @ Darvi!!!

xoxoxo

Are you a dreamer?

Happy day, my Blog Framily!!!  I am writing this on Pentecost Sunday, May 15, 2016, which is 50 days after Easter each year.  The significance of Pentecost is that it is the birthday of the Christian church, as it is when the Holy Spirit descended into the apostles and and other followers of Christ, as described in Acts 2:1-31.  At my childhood church, Ambassadors For Christ Church of God in Christ (AFC), we would have a huge celebration for Pentecost each year, complete with a feast and choir concert, as it is indeed a time for celebration.  I actually didn't really understand Pentecost until I was an adult (although I knew the passage of scripture in Acts 2 very well); I guess a lot of things you hear as a child and while you're growing up don't make sense to you until you grow up and grow in knowledge and understanding.  

Anyhoo, what made today special for me was that my mini-me, the Tween, who is on the Junior Instruments of Praise (JIOP- liturgical dance ministry), danced today to "Order My Steps."  If you aren't familiar with the song, which is a beautiful song, by the way, you can listen here:

The girls have worked very hard and diligently and were rewarded today with an outstanding dance that ministered to the congregation.  I am extra proud of my girl (although she didn't get the solo this time), she has really drawn upon all of her early dance training (ballet, jazz and tap), as well as integrating new styles (hip hop and stepping).  She even chose to give up the choir for dance (which is huge, if you know how much the Tween loves to sing!).  So I am very proud of her and all of the young ladies on the JIOP - Congratulations and Kudos to their ministry leader, Amber Whitted, who works so hard with them each week!

So I've hinted for the past few weeks that I have some new trails I'm blazing; I'm not ready to fully disclose yet, but I've been led to do some regrouping, rebranding, and some stretching.  In it all, I've been rejuvenated!  Let me explain.  

First, let me ask you a question:  Are you a dreamer?  

I'm a planner; a list maker extraordinaire; an intricate mix of creative spirit with Type A tendencies.  That makes for an interesting life, ya know?  Anyhoo, way back when I was in high school, I made a life plan up to age 25; then at 25 I made a life plan up to age 40 (I said I was a planner, go with it).  I didn't accomplish everything on those "life plans," but they were my dreams and provided me with a roadmap of sorts to try and accomplish them.  And I can truly say that I did see some of those dreams come true - which is an amazing feeling! Since age 40, I have been plan-less to a degree. Not that I haven't had any plans at all; each year I make a yearly intentional plan (which I'm sure I mentioned before), but no 5, 10 or 15 year plan.  So for as much as I've been able to check things off my annual plan, I had let go of having dreams.  If I'm being honest, a big part of the reason for that is that because of the level of disappointments and hurts I've experienced, I was afraid to dream anymore. Guess what?  Once you stop dreaming, you stop living... (just sitting that right here).

Well, during this whole life-changing process that I've been in for the past almost 3 years, I've had a lot of quiet time and self-reflection and all of that!  And through it all, whispering in my mind and my spirit is this message:  "it's ok to dream again."  That may not seem like a big deal to you, but to me, who has always lived a dreamer's life and hasn't for the past 5 years, that's huge.  During the move last fall, I came across one of my notebooks from 2005 where I had jotted down some ideas for things I would like to accomplish in the future.  At that time, I didn't have the proper support system to reach for those dreams, so I put them aside.  Hadn't really thought of them since.  But in the move, I came across the notebook and I didn't throw it away, but set it aside.  Since then, those things have been weighing heavily in my spirit, pushing me to pick them up again, and a little over a month ago, I said "ok."  And when I did that, things began falling into place to the degree that I know that is God directing my path.  Indeed, I pray each day for God to clear the path and remove any obstacles set forth by man to thwart the vision; to open doors that no man can shut; and to keep us squarely on task as we move forward.  And it's been going well.  So well in fact, that it was making me nervous, and the "what ifs" began.  

When I got to church this morning, guess what the sermon was about?  The title was "Your Dreams Can Come True."  (I keep telling y'all that God speaks to me...).  And for all my dreamers out there, even those who have been afraid to dream again, this post is to encourage you.

The Bible was full of dreamers; the first dreamer noted in the Bible was Jacob (Genesis 28:10-15) - and the lesson from that passage of scripture is that even during those times that you are doing the least thinking about God, He can be thinking the most about you... 
The next dreamer noted is Laban, Jacob's father-in-law (Genesis 31:29) - who got told in a dream to leave Jacob alone, basically.  Moving into the New Testament, there was Pilates' wife, who told him to leave that innocent man (Jesus) alone, because she had been troubled by dreams all night concerning him (Matthew 27:19).  Probably the most famous biblical dreamer was Joseph (which I know I've written about before); the passage of scripture noted today was Genesis 37:5-8.  The lesson to be learned from Joseph's life is that dreams from God must be nourished and nursed during hard times...

So my fellow dreamers, it's ok to dream again.  No matter what has happened, no matter how your dreams may have been thwarted up until now, no matter how many haters and evildoers have tried to stop you.  Regroup, restructure and rejuvenate, but don't stop dreaming!  As Thomas Jefferson said, "I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past."  Pastor Singleton said today, "you can't have a dream and not have someone try to shoot it down because they have no dreams of their own, so they try to bring you down to their level."  Even in suffering, don't give up on what has been put in your spirit. Directly from the sermon today and what struck me the hardest:  God knows how to get you where He wants you to be, even if wicked people are part of the path (and they will be held accountable for their actions).  Don't believe it? Go read the story of Joseph in Genesis; I also wrote about it before, you can read it here.  Believing in the dreams that have been quietly whispered into your spirit or in your dreams (day or night) and going for them takes faith.  As my friend and soror said today, sometimes it's a "faith crawl" instead of a faith walk, but keep moving.  

So my friends, I ask you again - are you a dreamer???  I can now answer that question affirmatively again:  Yes, I am a dreamer!  I have BIG dreams, so watch out world!!!  I found a fitting graphic for where I stand today:

So what say ye, Blog Framily - any other dreamers out there???  Holla @ Darvi, and let's talk about it!  Have an awesome week and pray for me as I pray for you.  Be Blessed. xoxoxo

Is your living in vain???

Hello Blogland!  I hope that everyone had a great weekend (we have been having great weather here in Chicago, today it was low 50s- Spring is on its way)! I went to my first painting party at Colorful Canvas, which is owned by one of my sorority sisters (I don't know her personally) and had a blast!  One of my girlfriends hosted the party, brought together about 14 of us to paint a picture that she selected.  Even as a crafter, I can say that it was very challenging and I have even more respect for artists!  If you are in the Chicago area and looking for  a fun evening with girlfriends, a kids' party or even family, you can check out Colorful Canvas Art Parties here.  Ok, so here is my masterpiece (ignore the squiggly lines, my hand wasn't very steady):

Not too shabby, eh???  Today I got to spend time with the Tween, doing some Easter shopping.  In pure frugal fashion, I got her 3 dresses, from the clearance rack at K & G, originally $100, for $9.99 each.  Oh yeah, we did that today!!!  And I had a coupon... Yeah, I shop like a Boss!!!

Moving on to the topic of today's post - Is your living in vain???  If you listen to Gospel music, you may be familiar with The Clark Sisters and a song they recorded back in the 1980s called, "Is My Living in Vain."  The lyrics are below (courtesy of AZ Lyrics):

"Is My Living In Vain"

Is my living in vain?
Is my giving in vain?
Is my praying in vain?
Is my fasting in vain?

Am I wasting my time?
Can the clock be rewind?
Have I let my light shine?
Have I made ninety-nine?

No, of course not
It's not all in vain
No, no Lord, no
'Cause up the road is eternal gain

Is my praying in vain?
Is my labor in vain?
Is my singing in vain?
Is my speaking, is it in vain?

Is my playing the organ in vain?
Is my praying in vain?
Is my, is my, is my labor in vain?
Is my singing, singing, singing, in vain?

No, of course not
No, of course not
No, of course not

No, no, no, no, no, no
Of course not
No, no, no, no, no, no
Of course not

It's not all in vain
Up the road is eternal gain

Is my praying in vain?
Is my, is my, is my labor in vain?
Is my singing, singing in vain?
I know I'm speaking in vain

Is my playin' this organ in vain, at the temple
At the cathedral, at all these churches?
Is my praying, my praying, my praying, in vain? Ooh

Is it in vain? Is it in vain?
Is it in vain? Is it in vain?
No it ain't in vain
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

No, no, of course not
No, no, no, no, no, no
No, no, no, no, no, no
Of course not

No, no, no, no, no, no
Of course not
No, no, no, no, no, no
Of course not

It's not all in vain
It's not all in vain
It's not all in vain
It's not all in vain
It's not all in vain
'Cause up the road is eternal gain

If you are interested, you can hear the song, from a live recording in 1980, here.  Now, this was The Clark Sisters before the money, so they may look a tad different than what you are used to...

I'm sure I'm not the only person who has ever wondered whether this life we are living is "worth it."  I mean with all of its trials, tribulations, hard times, and if you add trying to live right to it, it's more than a notion, and I've sometimes wondered if it's all in vain???  

On Sunday, Pastor Singleton's sermon was captioned, "Living a Life that Matters," text verses Luke 9:44-56.  He started off asking the question, "Is the world a better place because you were born?"  The answer, he said, depends on if you live a self-centered life or an others'-centered life.  Pastor went on to discuss King Nebuchadnezzar (Daniel 4:28-35) and his fall because of his puffed up spirit, in contrast to how Jesus humbled himself and became nothing so that we could be saved (Philippians 2:1-11).  He noted that humility leads to exaltation - it takes humility to be saved.

Pastor Singleton also made a very profound statement that rings true:  Sometimes we make the foolish mistake of focusing life on quantity instead of quality - quality of life trumps quantity.  He then noted that one can't live a successful life without "intentionality,"  and that you need positive intentionality;it's not enough to have great talent.  (To tie it in with the text, Pastor Singleton noted that Jesus was headed to Jerusalem with intention for his fate to fulfill the prophesy).  He then said something that really resonated with me; he spoke about how when you lose a person that you care about, that had value to you, you have a hole in your heart when they leave.  And I KNOW that to be the truth; my heart has a series of small holes in it from the loss of loved ones, some in death, others who are still here but just not in my life anymore.    

Almost every week in class, Pastor Thornton reminds us that growth is intentional, when it comes to increasing our knowledge of scripture; he did so again tonight, which confirmed my topic for this post.  It got me to thinking, what is intentional living?  On wikipedia, intentional living is defined as "any lifestyle based on an individual or group's conscious attempts to live according to their values and beliefs."  An intentional life in Christ requires that we figure out what will please Christ and do it (Ephesians 5:10); intentional living is our gift back to Him (Dr. Randy Carson, The Intentional Living Center).  Intentionality happens when you combine information, insight and action.  

We must strive to live life with intention - with clear goals and being others'-centered as opposed to being self-centered.  We must live our lives in such a way that the world is a better place because we were born; so that a hole is left in someone's heart when we are no longer here.  My belief is that if we are doing what it takes to maintain this here faith walk, then our living is not in vain.  Intentionality.  Sidenote:  I found this neat blog post about intentional living; you can take a look at it here.  

And I will leave you today with a quote:  "Change is inevitable, growth is intentional."  - Colin Wilson 

So tell me, are YOU living with intention or is your living in vain??? You know the drill, Holla @ Darvi!  Be Blessed!

xoxoxo 

Hello, 2016!

Happy New Year, Blogland!  Like the graphic?  It is from "Graphics by Pininkie at Mygrafico."  I thought it was pretty cute!  The end of 2015 found me in church with the tween (she had to dance at Watch Night Service).  It was the first time in a long time that I brought in the new year at church (I wanna say the last time was NYE 2003...)!  The young people did a wonderful job!  We were home before 12:30 and I didn't even try to stay up much later than that.  Times have definitely changed...

The end of 2015 was bittersweet in so many ways; if you will allow me to be transparent for just a moment.  This week has been a tough one.  Number 1, my heart is heavy for my friends/family who lost loved ones this week (right after Christmas and before the new year came).  So often we take for granted the things we "plan," often forgetting that the future doesn't belong to us... The worse part of it all is that each of these lost loved ones were only a year or two older than I am; no one was older than 50.  That is very sobering to me- this thing called life can be very fleeting...  And I just found out Natalie Cole died!  

Number 2, my heart is heavy for all that I have lost over the past few years in this season of loss in my life.  I don't do change well (remember that?  I wrote about it here).  I have been in this season of loss for 10 years now.  There have been big losses as well as little losses. The losses have been relational, personal, health, material, financial, professional, friendships, my grandma - you name it, I've lost it!  Some of those losses have knocked me down (on the inside, sometimes physically manifest on the outside).  And as difficult as it's been, I keep getting back up to try and pull it back together just one more time.  Although each time it seems like I stay down a little longer, I keep getting back up.  That could mean many things:  that I am a fool or a glutton for punishment or maybe, just maybe there's something better out there if I keep pressing on.  A lot of times I do feel foolish and I just want to quit and I let myself have a pity party for a few (kinda like now) but eventually, I get back up.  For as down as I might be, there is something in me that won't stop believing that there is "better" and that I can have it!

2015 was a year filled with some low-lows. I can't say high-highs; just mid-range highs.  I am happy to see it go, quite frankly.  There were lots of lessons learned, some I didn't want to learn, but they came anyway, whether I wanted them or not.  My beliefs were tested and some shattered.  My world was shattered and I'm still picking up the pieces and trying to find the glue to put it back together in a way that fits for what my life looks like now.  Let me be honest- it's downright frightening!  And what makes it even more frightening is that there are two not so little people looking at me to see how I manage all of this (the tween and teen) because surely that will shape how they manage hurts, disappointments, change and loss in their own lives.  For with each loss that I have had, it has affected them too.  And more than anything, I want them to be ok...

So here we are, on the first day of 2016, and all is quiet in my house.  Literally the only sound is me pecking away at this keyboard, and I'm doing that from the comfort of my bed! My mind and my emotions are all over the place - I've put off thinking and writing because I've been trying to get a handle on it all!  And it's just hard.  I was so disappointed in 2015 that I'm almost afraid to want anything in 2016 but survival.  There are things I want, sure, but I've been beat down so much that I'm scared to even put them in the universe lest they be taken away from me too...which is certainly not how I intended to start the year, but it's how I feel at this particular time.  That being said, I'm not quite ready to say any of that stuff yet, but I might be tomorrow - depends on how the rest of today pans out (real talk).  

All of which brings me to my 2016 Word of the Year.  For the past 10 years, a group of friends and I have participated in the One Little Word Challenge.  I originally learned of this in 2006 from Creating Keepsakes Magazine (one of my favorite scrapbooking magazines that has since gone on to glory) and we started doing it in 2007.  The concept is that you choose a word at the end of the previous year or beginning of the new year to guide and reflect on throughout the year as you go about this thing called life.  The concept was coined by Ali Edwards, and you can read more about it here.  Something that she wrote I wanna share here:  

"A single word can be a powerful thing... It can be the ripple in the pond that changes everything.  It can be sharp and biting or rich and soft and slow."  

I encourage you to go read the post, google it, and maybe you will be inspired to choose a word for your year.  Anyway, I've been doing this since 2007 and some years my words were spot on, other years I missed them like the Cubs missed going to the world series last year!  But, good, bad and otherwise, here are my past words:

2007 - Transition

2008 - Perseverance

2009 - Optimism

2010 - Reality

2011 - Renewal

2012 - Excel

2013 - Embrace

2014 - Restore

2015 - Be...

 And without further ado, my word for 2016 is:  WISDOM.  

Wisdom is defined as the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; the quality of being wise.  Webster's defines it as knowledge that is gained by having many experiences in life; the natural ability to understand things that most other people cannot understand; the knowledge of what is proper or reasonable.  That's how I want to live 2016- as a wise woman.  One who has learned from her many life experiences and applies those lessons to her current life.  My grandmother was a wise woman and I strive to be like her, when it's all said and done.

That's it, that's all.  2016, we are here!  Ready to tackle all that you throw our way (I think)! So what about you - anyone else do a Word of the Year/One Little Word Challenge and is willing to share your word here?  You know the drill, Holla @ Darvi!  Be Blessed and enjoy this first day of the new year!

xoxoxo

Perfect Peace???

Happy Tuesday, Blogland!  Yes, Tuesday, because I couldn’t get myself together enough on Monday to write.  So it is Christmas Week and try as I might to stay calm, I can feel the pressure mounting… And I’m taking a stress test in the morning, so I’m sure that will be an experience!

This year will present a lot of new things for me and the kids:  new place, new traditions (while keeping some of the old ones), new faces (and the absence of old ones) – just a spirit of newness!  I am looking forward to it, and I’m trying my best to assure the kids that everything will be fine, even with all of the change we’ve experienced this year.  Almost my whole family will be over for our annual Christmas Eve social, and I am looking forward to it.  Then afterwards, I have a busy Christmas weekend ahead of me, making new Christmas traditions, which I am also very much looking forward to.  But at the same time… it’s a lot of work to prepare for it all and I am (slightly) behind schedule in my quest for the “perfect” holiday.  Sound familiar to anyone or is it just me????  Now of course I know that there’s no such thing as a “perfect” holiday, but still I try.  There is something about this time of year that just tends to bring out the best in most people and I love to spread joy and cheer!

Speaking of spreading joy and cheer, I spent some time over the weekend volunteering at Victory’s Holiday Giveaway (I love being a part of the Outreach Ministry, feels like home to me), along with the teen and tween.  Look at this beautiful tree (one of several in the lobby area of our church). 

 

And look at me; don’t I look happy to be there??? This is one of my friends from the Outreach Ministry with me.

 

I was working at the check in desk for toys, the tween was a personal shopper and the teen was helping people carry their food baskets and other items to their cars.  It was a great lesson for them and they enjoyed volunteering.  See the joyful look on their faces???  

Nah, just kidding, their usual “unaffected stare” (thanks Missy) was in place!  But they SAID that they enjoyed it.  It really was awesome to see the looks on the family’s faces, especially those who received the personalized shopping done for their family (there were bikes, hockey tables, all manner of goodness)!  Victory really showed up and showed out for this outreach event!

Sunday we had an awesome service at church; Pastor Singleton finished his series on the Gifts of Jesus; this time he spoke about the Gift of PEACE.  There was but one scripture and I will quote it here:

“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.”  Luke 2:14

According to Pastor Singleton’s message, peace is tied directly into why Jesus was born (to make peace between God and the world), see Romans 5:1.  He went on to say that while peace is for everyone, it is not to everyone (see John 3:16-19); instead it is only to those on who His favor rests.  Only those at peace with God can know the peace of God!  That is because peace is relational with God (see John 14:27).  The peace of God is a state of mind; peace must overcome tests, trials and temptations in this life. So how does one have peace in this troubled world??? 

Pastor Singleton compared the two views of peace that most people have: 1) the belief that “peace” means quiet all around and that absolutely everything goes their way, and 2) when in the midst of everything falling apart, you keep your peace by keeping your mind “stayed” on Him.  Let’s dig a little deeper…

For those who believe that all must be well in order to have peace, they will never be “peacemakers” like Jesus because humility is required.  Those with the peace of God can humble themselves to go higher in God and to make peace.  The scriptures show how Jesus humbled himself by making himself nothing (man) and became obedient to death on a cross, all to make peace between God and Man (see Philippians 2:5-8).  Sometimes, in order to make peace, you have to be crucified (make peace with those who have wronged you to be like Jesus). 

Let me put a pin right here and be transparent for a moment:  I. STRUGGLE. WITH. THIS.  DAILY!  It’s very difficult, I won’t lie.  I haven’t quite yet gotten to the point where I can reach out to those folks yet, but, I have made peace with the situation.  Even the hurt and anger is diminishing, so I guess I’m on the right track, eh?  Pastor Singleton also posted the Prayer of St. Francis Assisi; I won’t post it here, but here’s a link for you.  I will be trying my best to live this going forward, I do some of it, but I could do better.  Ever a work in progress…

Back to the sermon; the bottom line is this:  peace with God is relational, while the peace of God is a state of mind.  I’ll just sit this right there for a moment.

So onto one of the other things I’ve been working on this month, my Scripture writing plan.  Yeah, that.  So, I was feeling good about being on task and then, just like that, I fell behind.  And I was so very BEHIND in my Scripture writing plan until I caught up this morning on the train!  Anyhoo, here are the verses for this week (and next week) so that you don’t get behind waiting on me...  It really has been a wonderful walk through the scriptures and I hope you’ve enjoyed sharing it.

December 21 – Luke 1:51-56                                December 22- Luke 2:4-7

December 23- Luke 2:8-12                                     December 24 – Luke  2:13-16

December 25- Luke :17-20                                     December 26- Galatians 4:4-7

December 27- Philippians 2:5-8                           December 28 – Philippians 2:9-11

December 29- James 1:16-18                                December 30- Titus 3:3-7

December 31 – Choose your own verse  

It’s the time of the year when most people reflect on the year past and prepare intentions for the coming year (well, at least I do; it’s one of my favorite processes at the end of every year).  As we prepare to say “sayonara” to 2015 and look with hope towards 2016, won’t you make it your aim to have both peace with God and the peace of God? I’m just saying…

So all that being said, anyone living in perfect peace?  How do you live it?  You know the drill – Holla @ Darvi and let’s talk about it!  Be Blessed – I will be back before Christmas!!!

Growing up...

Happy Wednesday,  blog land! I hope everyone has been well. I fully intended to post last week but this lack of electronics or Internet access during the day is more than a notion!  By the time I get home, I don't want to see a computer! Plus, I was tied up every evening last week (go figure)... so please continue to pray for me; I've got a month yet to go on this project! 

I don't think I noted when I last posted that I had been up very late two days that week working on a project with the Tween that I was unaware of for her music class.  I didn't know until the teacher emailed her concerns because she thought it hadn't been worked on.  So we had to rework the project and it cost me two nights of sleep!  I'm pleased to report that my sleeplessness wasn't in vain as the Tween got an A on her music project and her extra credit work was kept as an example by the teacher.  So, as much as I wanted to send her to bed and just finish it for her the first night, I'm glad I took the extra time and let her finish it herself (with direction), even though it took an extra day.  She was very pleased and happy that I made her start over (because of the outstanding final result).  Kudos to the Tween!

The Teen received his first grades from the new school; I am pleased with his progress for the most part (he needs to bring up that Trig grade).  I am very happy that he seems to be adjusting to the new school and new instructors and catching up (they started earlier than his old school did).

This past weekend, I had the opportunity attended the homegoing services of a powerhouse woman who attended the church that I grew up at, Ambassadors For Christ, COGIC, where my grandmother served until she died and my aunt is still serving.  Walking in there was like walking into my past; I spent so much of my life there!  It was like a reunion of sorts, and save for the occasion, it would have been!  I almost expected to see my grandmother walking down the aisle at any minute; that's how powerful the memories were!

The services were in honor of Rochelle White, or "RoRo" as she was affectionately known. I of course knew her when I was a child, but as an adult, I had the opportunity to work with her on the Pastoral Expense Committee.  She was such a hard worker, always full of ideas and easy to work with.  I truly enjoyed working with her and it was one of the things I really missed when I changed my membership.  One of my first memories of Rochelle was when she first started coming to AFC and bringing her two little boys with her, Stanley and Freddie.  At that time, she didn't say too much, just sat in her seat (which continued to be her seat over the years), and corralled her boys (who had loads of energy).  As time wore on and she joined the church, I had the opportunity to watch the boys grow up (they are in my brother's age group and they are friends).  I watched them from toddler/primary years up until Stanley went away to college. When that group of young people were teens, they revamped the young people's choir (in the mid 1990s) and really found their own voice and their own place.  My brother was one of the lead singers and directors, and little Freddie was a director, drummer and was beginning to learn keyboarding.  I supported them like the proud big sister that I was. Then as time wore on, I got married and changed churches, they all began growing up themselves, getting married and having their own children.  So when I saw them all grown up on Saturday, particularly Stanley and Freddie, with their own families, I felt a burst of the pride that their mother must have felt every time she looked at them!  I marvelled that those same two little boys who used to come to church and sit with their mother were now grown up, married and parents to their own little ones who they take to church with them.  And that's not all - little Stanley is now a minister and little Freddie has his own gospel group!  I know Rochelle was proud and I am too!  So kudos to the now grown up White boys; you did your mother and all of your AFC family proud!  May God continue to bless you richly as you continue your mother's legacy of hard work for your church and instilling a solid value system in your own children!

Sunday I made it to second service at... wait for it... Victory Apostolic Church!  Pastor Singleton's sermon was on "Growing Up," which was so fitting given my experience the day before.  I will briefly touch on the things that stuck out in the message to me (The scripture text was Ephesians 4:11-16 for reference).  

• Growing up means living long enough to reach adulthood (in light of recent events in Chicago, we know that adulthood is not promised to all children);
• Grown ups accept responsibility without complaint and take responsibility for their own actions and the consequences thereof;
• Spirituality is a large part of growing up (1 Corinthians 3:1-3; Hebrews 5:12-14);
• Maturity in Christ is about how you submit yourself to God every day;
• He noted the 3 Hebrew boys of the old testament and how they were spiritually mature even though they were only 17 years old (See Daniel 3);
• Being spiritually mature means making decisions for God irrespective of the outcome (which is pleasing to God);
• Pastor Singleton also spoke of defining moments: they display what you are made of - they don't make you (the opposite of what is often stated today) - they are the intersections in life and others lives' are often impacted by your decisions (sometimes years later);
• live with foresight (looking forward to weigh the consequences to make good decisions today) instead of with hindsight (looking back and wishing for do overs);
• EVERYONE has their own "trial by fire;" even Jesus (when he went into the mountains after his baptism and was tempted by the devil) - while you can't control the fire itself, you can control what you do while in it!
• And after the fire, God will take you higher (see what happened to the 3 Hebrew boys in Daniel 3:30)

What  a great sermon!  And, just what I needed as I prepare to embark on some new chapters in my own life that will require even more growing up than I already have done. After church on Sunday, I signed up for Discipleship 101, the first class in Victory's 4-year Discipleship University.  I was all proud of myself; I didn't actually read the brochure until the next day and I found out that the class is 34 weeks.  Come again????  I was almost ready to pull out!  Which brings me to the second thing - I joined the "Journey Sisters" ministry at church (orientation meeting was on Monday night), where we will have accountability partners for support and encouragement as we work towards our personal goals for the next year.  When I went to the first meeting back in September, I was in such a bad place, but felt that it was where I needed to be.  Today, I'm in a much better place (been watching God move in my life as I have become a tad more spiritually mature and learned to yield in obedience), so I was looking forward to the meeting and just sharing more with the women of Victory (I don't really know a lot of people yet).  So I'm excited about my journeys - they will lead to more growing up, I'm sure.  The third thing, well, you're just going to have to wait for that!

So to everyone that is in the midst of your trial by fire, I say to you, just hold on.  I know firsthand that it is completely unbearable at times and you feel like you can't make it or take not one more step because you are just hurting and feel as if you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.  I've been there more times than I can count, especially in the last 2 years!   But I can promise you that He is there with you, every hard step of the way, and He will send people to you to encourage you.  Some days it's like the song from the old Santa Claus is Coming to Town cartoon:  "put one foot in front of the other," (you can hear it here for a bit of nostalgia).  Sometimes all you will be able to focus on is getting through the one day, real talk.  And that's ok.  One day at a time.  Being spiritually grown up puts you in the direct line of fire, but you have to go through the fire to have your testimony. So stay encouraged!

What does growing up mean to you these days??? Holla @ Darvi and share your thoughts. Have a blessed week! 

Straight Outta...

Happy Friday!!!!  Congratulations, you made it!  Here's to a great weekend ahead of you!

So I went to see a movie this week.  Probably not a big deal for most folks.  But for me? It is. The last movie I saw was for the Tween's birthday back in January, and it was Night at the Museum (3?).  I like movies, I just don't go that often.  I have trouble sitting there that long.  I prefer to watch at home where I can take a break if I need to.  (Back in the day, watching Malcolm X and The Hurricane almost killed me!  I had to leave the theater several times during both of those movies.  But, I digress.)

So anyhoo, I keep a list (imagine that!) of movies that I want to see, whether at the theater or at home.  Among my action flicks (I can't wait to see Terminator, Mission Impossible, The Man from U.N.C.L.E. and Hitman 47), I was stoked about seeing Straight Outta Compton. Say what? Yep, you got it.  Here's why:

1) In addition to being a house head, I am also an early-80s to mid-90s rap head.  For a person who loves music as much as I do as well as loves the written word, I was intrigued by rap when I first heard it and the poetry style lyrics.  The first rap song I remember hearing was Grandmaster Flash's The Message.  I was in 6th or 7th grade (can't remember exactly now) and I remember all of us on the bus on the way to school singing it (as much as we could remember).  I kinda left rap for the most part in the mid-90s because things had changed and it was less about being a talented lyricist as it was about things I couldn't relate to anymore...

2) My favorite rap artists/groups from "back in the day" are:  Grandmaster Flash, Run DMC, BDP, Heavy D, LL Cool J, MC Lyte (she's my sorority sister as well), Eric B & Rakim, Doug E Fresh, Slick Rick, A Tribe Called Qwest, De La Soul, Black Sheep, Public Enemy, MC Hammer (don't hate!), Salt N Pepa, Kool Moe Dee, Whodini, EPMD, Big Daddy Kane, Digital Underground, Biz Markie and of course, NWA and later Ice Cube & Dr. Dre when they went solo.  I liked some songs from the other groups/artists out there, but these are the ones that dominated high school, grammar school and college for me.

3) I remember the first time I heard an NWA song.  It was on a Friday night, my grandmother was at church and I had the radio blasting (as I did every Friday night that I didn't have to work) and it was around the time that they shifted house music to later in the evening and had rap hour or something like that.  I was already familiar with the New York rappers but then this song came on that sounded totally different from what I was used to hearing; it was NWA's "Dopeman."  I was like, "Whoa, that's new."  And so, using the best of the 80s technology and resources, I learned all I could about this group and their sound.  I learned that they were from California (who ever heard of rappers from California???) and they lived in the 'hood.  I was hooked. 

Now, I was not allowed to buy their music - who was?  But, I listened to it on the radio as it got more and more air play.  And when I went to college I was able to buy the music, but I digress again...

What I liked about rap music the most (back then anyway) is that it was music that told a story.  In a creative way.  Whether or not you agree with the lyrics or the language (and for the record, not all rappers cursed in their songs), you have to admit that they were some talented young people who wrote about the things that they saw and experienced every day. Whether you agree with how they expressed their experiences, you have to give it to them that they were indeed talented.

So onto NWA specifically.  I lived in the era of videos (do they even still make videos???) and when I went to college, videos were our primary entertainment and how we found out about new music as we didn't have any "urban" radio stations in my college town.  So I remember all of their videos as well.  Now, being a kid myself, I can honestly say that I didn't really understand how pivotal they were to the industry and all that at the time, I just know that I liked the music and understood where they were coming from.  And thus began my love affair with them.  

That being said, I was SICK when I found out that Ice Cube had left the group!  But, when his album dropped, I bought it.  And loved it.  The voice I had grown to love was still there. Can you tell he's my favorite?  Not saying that I didn't like the rest of them but his voice was and is amazing!  Kinda like my obsession with Chuck D's voice; there is nothing like it!!! 

Needless to say, I followed all of their careers as they matured beyond rap and into other pursuits (acting, directing, producing, beats!, etc.) as I aged along with them.  So when I heard about the movie, I was uber excited!!!

I purposely didn't read too much about the movie or get anyone's opinion before I saw it; I wanted to fully experience it.  And so on Monday, Urban Dude and I checked out a matinee of "Straight Outta Compton."  And I loved it!!!  

From the opening scenes, I was mesmerized (and I managed to make it through the entire 2 hours and 27 minutes without leaving out once).  It brought back so many memories of that time from 1986-1995 which for me was the time period from mid-high school until 3 years post-college.  Like it or not, the reality of the mid-80s was poverty, gangs and drugs.  I grew up on the south side of Chicago in a relatively decent neighborhood back then, but we were not immune to the effects of poverty, gangs and drugs.  While we never had the police issues that seemed to plague other communities in Chicago and across the country like Compton, we definitely experienced the shift that came with the influx of gangs and drugs. Who didn't have a "hype" in their neighborhood or their family?  (That would be a person hooked on crack).  And so I understood perfectly where they were coming from; it was a reality in Black America at the time.  As a now 40-something year old looking back at it all, in my opinion, they were in reality the antithesis of Public Enemy, who rapped about politics, society, poverty and drugs, from an East Coast standpoint.  Different methods, similar message.  So if you haven't seen it, keep an open mind and remember back to those days and what was going on at the time.  You will then appreciate how they captured it.

After watching the movie, I googled the group and each member individually to learn more about them.  And I learned a lot.  They were truly trailblazers for others looking to "make it" with a different sound.  Moreover, as you look at the members of the group, everyone had a persona within the group:  Eazy was the money man turned rapper, Dre & Yella were the men behind the music, Ren was a writer/rapper and Cube was the main writer/rapper.  In their neighborhood, they had a persona as well:  Eazy was a drug dealin' thug, Dre & Yella were dj's, Cube was being bussed to a better school in a different neighborhood, (not sure about Ren's neighborhood persona).  And at that time, their personas/roles, if I may say, is what identified them and kept them relatively safe in a volatile environment.  Because, as Jerry Heller said in his book, if you weren't a student, athlete, thug, drug dealer [or dj (in Dre's and Yella's case)], there was only one role left for you:  Victim.

I can relate to that, even though my neighborhood was nowhere near as bad as Compton, but we still had roles.  Even the girls.  There were the hype girls (crackheads), drug girls, fast girls, thug girls, quiet girls and school girls.  I was a school girl.  Which meant that I had safe passage and an escort if needed to make sure I got to and from school safely.  It also meant that no one bothered me or tried to pressure me to use drugs, drink, have sex or join a gang.  Because that was my role.  And if someone didn't know and would try to put me in a precarious situation, the folks in the hood would say, "Naw man, that's school girl. She's going to college, so leave her alone."  When I went to prom, the whole neighborhood came out.  When I left for college, the whole neighborhood came out.  Why?  Because they felt just as invested in my future as I did.  It was my role.  

Same for NWA (and in thousands of other neighborhoods across America) - they were kids with dreams of making it.  As they made it, their neighborhood was proud because some of their own "made good."  I can respect that (whether or not I personally agreed with each and every song they made, which I did not). Nor did I agree with everything they did and said outside of their music- that's not the subject of this post either.

I have to Additionally, all of the actors did an OUTSTANDING job of capturing the group's members personas.  Kudos to them all.  Ice Cube's son, O'Shea Jackson, Jr., looks just like his dad (a fairer skinned version) and sounds so much like him, it's creepy!  Also the other talented main character actors were awesome:  Corey Hawkins (Dr. Dre), Jason Mitchell (Eazy E), Neil Brown, Jr. (DJ Yella), Aldis Hodge (MC Ren), R. Marcos Taylor (Suge Knight), and Paul Giamatti (Jerry Heller).  

I predict that Straight Outta Compton will become a historical piece, for it is indeed a piece of history.  It doesn't depict America in its best light, but in a true light, nonetheless. Whether you are a rap fan or not, there is no question that NWA's "reality rap" was a true sign of the times.  And if you are a student of history as I am, you know that those who do not know their history are destined to repeat it.  

Speaking of which, can you really say that we are so far today from where we were in the mid-80s (police brutality against people of color, rampant poverty in neighborhoods of color, excessive gang violence/terrorism in neighborhoods of color, kids just looking for a way out)???  Look around people, I'm just sayin'...

What say ye?  Have you seen it? Do you think it effectively captured the backdrop of America at the time while simultaneously telling the story of the group?  Holla @ Darvi! Have a safe weekend and Be Blessed!

EVERYONE in my house is FINALLY Back 2 School...

What day is it???? It's Hump Day - Wednesday!!!  Take a moment, wipe the sweat off your brow and take a deep breath because your week is half over!  

So I want to begin today by sharing a bit of good news- I start a new project assignment on Monday.  It may not seem like much, but it's actually HUGE around these parts!  So I am happy about that.  It's going to be a little hectic to prepare and I will have to leave home super early to get there, but I am ever so thankful for it!  

I also want to thank everyone who reads my posts.  That means so much to me and your comments make me smile!  I know they sometimes run the gamut (I warned of that in the intro that anything was fair game) but I try to always be my true, authentic self, even when it's not so pretty... So thank you!!!  I think I wanna do some sort of Random Act of Kindness (RAK); gotta figure that out a little more; stay tuned!

Back to the topic at hand - everyone is GONE!  *Doing my happy dance while seated at the computer with a cup of joe*  It's so quiet here after the flurry of morning activity.  And I can breathe and think without anyone calling my name or demanding something.  Lovely.

The Teen started school on Monday (which is actually late this year).  He is now a JUNIOR, making him officially an upperclassmen!  He's real laid back about it, and because he elected to go to public school instead of the fine private school I wanted, he gets to wear whatever he wanted (I relented since he's been in uniforms since he was 3 and the trek to the City for school would have been brutal on both of us... and I actually love his school).  I am so proud of him and hope that this is his best year ever!  I am looking forward to the things we have on deck for this year: continuing our driving lessons so he'll be ready to get his license come December, his 17th birthday next month, beginning our college visits so we're ahead of the curve for next year, those very rare moments when we connect over music, a television show or he actually wants/needs my input/advice - all of that!!!  So here's what the Teen's first day looked like (and I DO NOT understand this outfit at all, but he looks like all the rest of them from what I've seen):

So yeah.  Who knew that tall socks with shorts would make a comeback????  But there's my junior!  His first day went off without a hitch, except he was overly obsessed with whether the bus would come on time (it didn't last year...).  But all was well.

Today baby girl, otherwise known as the Tween, started school.  She's in 6th grade now, so the end of middle school (our schools are a little weird, her current school goes from 4th-6th grade, then the next school is 7th-8th grade, where most middle schools either start in 5th or 6th through 8th).  Did today go smooth? Hecky naw!  She is defiant to a fault sometimes; no matter what I say, she either does nothing or the complete opposite.  Drives me nuts!  Like yesterday (early, mind you) I told her to decide which bookbag she was going to use and take it to the office so we could start loading it up.  At 7:30 this morning, do you think it was done?  Nope... Told her to set the clock for 6:00, at 6:58 she was just getting up.  School started at 8:00... Then I realized I never got confirmation of her school schedule - which meant that I had to drive her today (now of course I was going anyway because I have to meet the teacher and all of that first day stuff, but still).  Then because she was moving so slowly, I didn't have time to fix her hair the way I wanted to.  *sigh*  But, we got the bag packed and her out of the house reasonably on time (we had to stop in the office anyway). So without further ado, here's my 6th grader:

Yes, I know the picture is fuzzy.  My camera was broken over the weekend and so now I'm relegated to taking photos with my phone until further notice.  And if she looks tall to you, she is!  She is officially taller than me and about the same height as her teacher!  Don't believe me?  Here she is with her teacher:  

See?  She is catching up to her brother; she is about to his jawline at the moment.  I'm hoping that her height slows down some.  I call her my Amazonian princess... Her school has a dress code, so that's why her outfit is so nondescript.  We are counting it down to when she can wear her own clothes to school!  I still find it hard to believe that she's in 6th grade sometimes; it seems like just yesterday we were starting Nursery 3 back at SCA (Salem Christian Academy) - the good old days!  I'm looking forward to more time with her also, as we explore our creative pursuits together (she's very talented, it's amazing sometimes).

So that's it.  Both of my not so little people are officially back in school!  No more shuttle service all over town going back and forth to summer camp and summer jobs, nope!  No more lazy evenings and late nights.  Back to bus schedules and early rising.  Back to life, back to reality (an ode to Soul II Soul, wanna listen?  Do so here.)  I pray that my children, and all of the other students, have a productive and safe year filled with learning new things and that they are fully prepared for what's to come.

So now I'm off to finish buying school supplies that I did not get and organizing the rest of my week.  Plus I have to start purging and packing and all of that good stuff in between the regular stuff I need to do (even though I haven't found a house yet).  Joy.  Back to reality for me too, lol!

Have all of your young people gone back to school (or are you yourself going back)? Either way, make it a great year!  Don't forget to "Holla @ Darvi!"  Be Blessed!