Security of Identity...

Dear Blog Land,

Happy 2018!  Yes, of course I am fully aware that 2018 started 21 days ago and that I am horribly late with my greeting!  And that it's been a ridiculous amount of time since I last posted (a full post).  And also that there really are no excuses.  Except, well, life happened.  And as life happens, sometimes we actually have to sit back and just let.it.happen.  I will apologize in advance for the LONG POST today; but, well, you know!

I have missed centering myself and pouring out to you.  But, I had to truly take some time to be poured into.  2017 was a lot of things.  Like every other year, there were valleys (some lower than I have ever been before), but also there were tremendous highs (some that I never thought possible).  2017 was also a year of serious change in almost every area of my life! 

There's so much I want to say, I already know I will have to break this into several posts to get to it all.  And being me, I simply must do it in an orderly and methodical manner (what less would you expect from an OCD person?); if you missed my previous post about being OCD, you can read it here.

So my word of the year for 2017 was "focus."  That was the word I chose to direct the year (which I apparently did NOT share with you, so here's a brief synopsis).  Let's start with the definition of the word, found here:

Definition of focus 

                                                    

plural foci play \ˈfō-ˌsī also -ˌkī\ also focuses

1 a : a center of activity, attraction, or attention

   b : a point of concentration     

2 : directed attention : emphasis

3 a : direction 6c

b : a state or condition permitting clear perception or understanding

Next, my reasons for choosing the word.  2016 was actually "alright" for the most part.  The last quarter of the year was not.  I found myself grappling with a tremendous loss of self and still dealing with the ever-present financial woes of the day.  And I felt that I need to simply focus more: inward and outward.  There's more, but you get the gist.  If you missed my January 2016 post about why I choose a word of the year and the background on it, you can read it here.


The things that I did not stop doing in 2017 were 1) going to church weekly (I probably missed less than 5 Sundays the whole year), in case you forgot, that's Victory Apostolic Church in Matteson, IL; 2) continuing with my second year of Discipleship University (also at VAC); and 3) engaging in outreach activities.  All of which were things that kept me rooted and focused no matter what was going on. And trust me, there was PLENTY going on in 2017!  I'm going to do a four-part post about 2017 (I promise, I'm really going to do it), but not today. 


What I want to focus on today (see, there's that word again), is just about being secure.  Not
speaking in terms of financial security (although that's usually the first thing that people think of and certainly it is important).  But I mean being spiritually secure.  Because it's our souls that really matter, right?


On Saturday I received a spiritual "whooping" from my good friend Val in response to my emotional meltdown (yes, there's no other word for it but meltdown).  There is a thing (among things) that I am dealing with right now and it is exerting a lot of pressure on my life at the moment.  As I expressed to her, I felt "terrified" by it.  And she got me right real quick with a good old reminder to stop focusing on that thing, but instead focus on the Father who has control of all things (yes, even my thing)!  I paraphrased because I was not taking notes in the midst of my meltdown... I had a good cry, which was cathartic, and then I set about the business of letting go of the clutter that had invaded both my mind and my house.  I told that Google home thing (a gift from the boy, you'll hear about Christmas later) to start playing me some good old gospel music and got to work!  But if you're curious now, you can check it out here.


When I got to church on Sunday, the sermon was the last in a series on Soul, Mind and Body.  Without getting too deep (and I don't have my notes anyway), Pastor Singleton spoke about getting control of our bodies (or flesh).  Which for me looks like pushing myself to do things when I otherwise cave into the feeling of being too tired or controlling flesh in all its forms (especially the words that come out of my mouth)!  Ouch.  Which directly pertained to the clutter that I had allowed to accumulate and made excuses for (usually being too tired). I'm about 85% done with the projects I started on Saturday (yes, I made a list), and it already feels good (and looks better too)! 


But let's get back to that fear thing, or as I labeled it, "terrified."  During that chat on Saturday, I had to face some ugly truths.  Mostly about who I depended on and trusting that God's got me, no matter what.  Which I really do know better, but this flesh!  If you recall, I deal a whole lot with trust on this blog.  And I almost always keep coming back to it because I am a firm believer that trusting in God (exercising faith, whatever you want to call it) is how we are going to make it in this world and have a relatively stress-free existence.  Now, that doesn't mean that we will never have concerns and that everything will be a bed of roses all the time.  Far from the truth!  Beginning to trust God more will likely open up the most horrific can of worms that you could ever imagine!  But at the end of the day, the question is whether you are going to try and operate out of yourself or will you trust that God has it?  


Being honest (and what would this blog be without my honesty?), being an INTJ person (if you are not familiar with Meyers Briggs personality labels, you can get a quick primer here), I base my actions and make judgments based on logic and objective data, so I struggle in this area.  A lot. Also, I think that I put a lot of pressure to be the best at EVERYTHING on myself that is sometimes just unnecessary (raise your hand if you know it's impossible anyway!!!) and I believed I am being judged for being less than.  By people and even God.  But as the sermon yesterday reminded me, as a believer, our shortcomings have been covered by Christ's blood so that we appear blemish-free before God.  And honestly?  It's ok.    


I hope that this post will be encouraging for someone; I find that when I get too far off and into my own head and path that I get reminders (sometimes not so gentle) to turn my focus, not inward or outward but UPWARDS.  I just want to leave you (for now), with two things.  One is a scripture that should most decidedly be in your war room arsenal:


Romans 8:38-39New International Version (NIV)

³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

And two, this lovely image of my calendar for today (January 22nd) - it is a perpetual calendar that was gifted to me last year on a particularly hard day by C-Rob (you can purchase one here):

So wrapping up today - remember that God loves you in spite of you and your identity in him is secure!  Even if you let worry and circumstances cover you in mental and physical clutter (like me).  I love you and there's nothing you can do about it!  Thank you for your readership and patience!  Did this make some sense and bless you today?  Holla at your girl and let me know (or just say hi).

Have a wonderful day, Blogland!!! xoxoxo

~ Darvi

Chapter 19...

What's good, Blogland??? So, I have to admit, I spent the entire holiday weekend in bed, watching television or sleeping (well, I did do a little straightening up Saturday morning, also a 30-45 minute Walmart run on Saturday and church/errands on Sunday for about 4 hours total).  One reason is that I was binge-watching the entire first season of Greenleaf (total sidenote, if you haven't watched it, go do it NOW!!! It is an excellent show (and this is coming from someone who doesn't watch a whole lot of television these days)).  Another reason is that I was having a little bit of a pity party... but, today dictated that I get up and deal with the outside world.  They happen, don't be alarmed, sometimes we all have a "woe is me" moment; the thing is to not let it drag on too long and get yourself up!

So anyhoo, I'm going to make this post as brief as I can (but no promises!).  I'm sure you think that the title is odd, but I promise you won't when I finish.  Ready?  Great, let's dig in.

So for the month of August, my church, Victory Apostolic, celebrated its 20th anniversary. Every year in August in lieu of weekly bible class, the church has revival with visiting ministers coming in.  This year was no different.  So I must confess - I have NEVER attended any of the revival nights until last week (August 30th) and that was mainly because I was guilted into going (transparent city over here).  It doesn't really matter why I made it, but by the time I get to the end of this, you will be glad that I did (as was I)...

So our guest speaker for the evening was Pastor E. Dewey Smith from Atlanta.  I had never heard him speak before, but let me tell you - he's a dynamic speaker!  If I'm ever in his area, I will most definitely attend his church.  But I digress.  The theme for this year's anniversary was "Extolling our Past, Embracing our Present and Envisioning our Future."  The scripture was John 12:3:   

Then Mary took about a pint[a] of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.

For those of you unfamiliar with the passage, it takes place approximately 6 days before Passover; they were in Bethany (a few miles from Jerusalem).  Mary, Martha and Lazarus lived there; it was one of Jesus' favorite resting spots.  The Bible indicates that Jesus loved them (Chapter 11).  Pastor Smith used as his topic, "Let your hair down," which he explained was a secular phrase meaning to relax.  However, in this sense, Mary, in a moment of celebration, she affirmed the deity of Jesus and literally "let her hair down."  How did she do this?  

1) She anointed him with perfume (costly perfume)

• it cost a year's salary in those days
• she poured it onto Jesus' feet in celebration of who He is
• nard was never diluted, always used in its purest form
• Sidenote:  always give God your best 

2) She was aware of His person

• why we do and for whom we do it is the definition of ministry 
• See 1st Corinthians:  1-14 letter to the reader; 15 resurrection; 16 resources 
• stewardship is your eulogy; it expresses your heart toward the one who died for you
• those who don't know God don't bring their best

3) She was actively giving praise

• back then, women's hair was their "glory"
• Mary put her "glory" at the feet of Jesus
• she gave Him praise for what he had already done:  in John, Chapter 11, Jesus resurrected Lazarus

(I'm sure by now, you are probably wondering where this odd title comes in, just sit tight, I promise, it's relevant!)

4) She was also giving Him praise for what he was going to do

• nard was also used as an embalming fluid
• Jesus' death is recorded in John, Chapter 19

Now, putting it all together, what can we learn from Mary's letting her hair down?  I'm glad you asked!  It's really quite simple and it boils down to this:  Give God your best praise now in spite of the Hell you've been through, in anticipation of your Chapter 19 (the manifestation of God's blessings in your life)!  One more 'gain for those slow to catch it:

• Your Chapter 11 is when you called on God and it seems like He's not hearing you or showing up late (it's in your Bible, go read it!);
• Your Chapter 12 is when you give God your best praise now, in spite of; 
• Your Chapter 19 is the manifestation!

Got it?  Good - I'm praising God for my Chapter 19 and yours too!

Did this help somebody today?  I hope so!  You know the drill, Holla @ Darvi and let me know!  Be Blessed!!!

Faint Not

Hello, Blogland Framily!!! As you can see, I took the summer off.  Unintentionally at first, but then it became very intentional as I realized that I needed to recharge my batteries.  It's not that I haven't had anything to say; there has been so much happiness, sadness, pride and defeat this summer, both in my personal world and the world at large.  

There was sadness, anger and outrage and more and more unarmed African-Americans were gunned down, both by police and cruel, heartless thugs who clearly don't aim well. There was more sadness as I witnessed the horrifying shootings of police officers in Dallas and Louisiana.  There was pride as I watched so much #blackgirlmagic at the Olympics, yet defeat when I saw how the public was more concerned about Gabby's hair than celebrating her accomplishments.  More defeat as the closeted, unspoken racism in America is now front and center, with the upcoming Presidential Election at the forefront.  And that's just a snippet of the things that happened in the world at large - there were many more happy and sad moments that occurred over the summer.  

It was the same in my personal world.  July 31st marked year 3 since my professional world was turned upside down.  It is very close to the one-year anniversary of my personal world being shaken, not stirred.  The same for my friendship garden - it looked very different than it did just one year ago (for awhile it looked like rabbits had eaten everything, much like they're doing to the grass in my yard right now). Just a year ago found me on the edge of a precipice with a wall at my back... But God.

You see, there has been enough happening to make one want to holler, in the words of Marvin Gaye.  Enough to make even the strongest person want to sit a spell and catch their breath.  And make no mistake, I've been tired, weary if you will.  And I've had to take some much needed rest periods from lots of people and things over the past year so I could quiet myself and hear.  This summer was no exception.

This summer, I took my first vacation in 9 years.  And although I had trepidation about spending the money, I'm glad I did it - I needed it.  This summer I also made a life-altering decision concerning my career - I've decided to give it up.  Well, at least in its most common form.  I will still be doing some project work while I transition, but I am actively pursuing opportunities outside of the field of law.  I will also be pursuing something I've wanted to do since I was a little girl - teach.  So I will be going into the K-8 classroom as well to determine if I truly want to switch to education permanently.  A huge decision, but one that has lifted a huge burden from me (not to mention erased some stress...).

Speaking of, I'm not sure if it's the stress or hormones that have me on the edge of crying a lot of days here lately.  Case in point, Sunday after church, while having a conversation with my journey sister, when she looked me in my eyes and asked how I was, I just lost it!  I told her the truth - that I was tired and a bit overwhelmed (I had gotten some bad news on Friday that had greyed up my weekend a bit).  The good thing (and a thing I really like about my church) is that immediately she, Evangelist Carpenter, one of my sorority sisters and another friend, who were all nearby, noticed my distress and immediately came over to comfort me.  Then my pastor walked over, inquired and he prayed for me.  That made me feel much better and grateful to be in a ministry where the pastor is not above touching the people.  

Yesterday (Tuesday) morning I had the occasion to be at the homegoing services of my line sister and found myself sitting next to a "seasoned" soror from my undergraduate chapter (1973) that I love dearly, and we were talking and just catching up before the services began as it's been some time since we've seen one another.  She started asking me about different aspects of my life, most of which are dramatically different from the last time we had spoken.  She was visibly shocked and I had to struggle to keep it together, and I explained to her simply that I was tired and needed a break.  Other things were forced breaks that almost broke me, but a break nonetheless.

Anyhoo, later on yesterday found me with my journey sister checking in again and catching up with one another.  Everything boiled down to the same sentiment - I'm tired.  Before we left to head over to church for service, she handed me a gift bag.  Inside was a lovely one-year devotional journal:

She said, although the year is almost over over, this is a way for you to stay connected and to be sure and have at least a few moments of quiet time with God.  I was very surprised, grateful and it's so pretty!  The embossing reads, "My strength and my song," and on the back is Psalm 59:16 in its entirety.  Very nice and apropos.  Right?

I'm sure by now you're wondering where I'm going with all of this long, drawn-out story, am I right?  Well, I'm glad you asked!

I had initially decided to wait and start the devotion tomorrow (Thursday, September 1st) since it was the beginning of a new month, but for some reason I grabbed it and put it in my bag today.  Then I started to leave it in the car when I got to the train, but at the last minute, I grabbed it.  Once I was settled on the train I turned to August 31st and guess what the title was?  "Do not grow weary."  Apparently I needed to read it TODAY.

The scripture for today - "Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."  Galatians 6:19 ESV  The devotional reading begins to discuss the concept of sowing and reaping, basically that you reap what you sow.  For example, if you plant corn, you will reap corn.  You can confidently sow a row of spinach and not expect cauliflower to grow instead - you didn't sow cauliflower seeds.  The devotion goes on to note that the same principle applies to sowing seeds of goodness:  "If you sow seeds of goodness like forgiveness, gentleness, and honesty, you are guaranteed to reap the fruit of those seeds.  There is one trick - don't give up.  Don't plan to reap something that you just started sowing.  Maybe you will see fruit immediately from the good seeds you planted, but in most cases, it takes years.  Rest assured, you will eventually reap the seeds of goodness if you don't give up."  The last piece of the devotional was a short prayer:  "Lord, help me not grow weary in doing good.  Give me long term vision that doesn't get discouraged in short term losses."  And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the point of this post.

When I say I'm tired, I'm not referring to my physical body (although that clearly does get tired and certainly my 45-year old body that stays constantly in a state of revolution gets tired with no shortage of help from my blood pressure medicine, but I digress).  I'm referring to emotionally; exhausted from the effort of continually pouring into people and things and feeling like it is of no use.  And I'm tired, that's for certain.  The thing is, and what I've taken from this devotional reading, is that while it's natural to feel tired/weary when you aren't seeing results right away from your efforts, you should press on.  Applying that to my own life, it might appear to the naked eye that I have given up in some respects.  But, under the surface, know that each transition and life change has been prayed about and divinely directed.  Thing is, I feel like everything is moving in slow motion, and in some cases, one step forward, two steps back.  That feeling makes you want to chuck in the towel and just let go.  And that's precisely what the devotion was speaking to - not giving up your long term vision out of discouragement!  You SHALL reap a harvest of blessings!!!

So I encourage you today, whether it be a job search, furthering your education, opening a business - whatever it is, faint not!!!  And here's a song to feed your spirit as well, Ricky Dillard and New G, "If We Faint Not."  

How was your summer???? Holla @ Darvi and let me know! Be blessed, Blogland and enjoy your evening!!!  xoxoxoxo

Faint Not

Hello, Blogland Framily!!! As you can see, I took the summer off.  Unintentionally at first, but then it became very intentional as I realized that I needed to recharge my batteries.  It's not that I haven't had anything to say; there has been so much happiness, sadness, pride and defeat this summer, both in my personal world and the world at large.  

There was sadness, anger and outrage and more and more unarmed African-Americans were gunned down, both by police and cruel, heartless thugs who clearly don't aim well. There was more sadness as I witnessed the horrifying shootings of police officers in Dallas and Louisiana.  There was pride as I watched so much #blackgirlmagic at the Olympics, yet defeat when I saw how the public was more concerned about Gabby's hair than celebrating her accomplishments.  More defeat as the closeted, unspoken racism in America is now front and center, with the upcoming Presidential Election at the forefront.  And that's just a snippet of the things that happened in the world at large - there were many more happy and sad moments that occurred over the summer.  

It was the same in my personal world.  July 31st marked year 3 since my professional world was turned upside down.  It is very close to the one-year anniversary of my personal world being shaken, not stirred.  The same for my friendship garden - it looked very different than it did just one year ago (for awhile it looked like rabbits had eaten everything, much like they're doing to the grass in my yard right now). Just a year ago found me on the edge of a precipice with a wall at my back... But God.

You see, there has been enough happening to make one want to holler, in the words of Marvin Gaye.  Enough to make even the strongest person want to sit a spell and catch their breath.  And make no mistake, I've been tired, weary if you will.  And I've had to take some much needed rest periods from lots of people and things over the past year so I could quiet myself and hear.  This summer was no exception.

This summer, I took my first vacation in 9 years.  And although I had trepidation about spending the money, I'm glad I did it - I needed it.  This summer I also made a life-altering decision concerning my career - I've decided to give it up.  Well, at least in its most common form.  I will still be doing some project work while I transition, but I am actively pursuing opportunities outside of the field of law.  I will also be pursuing something I've wanted to do since I was a little girl - teach.  So I will be going into the K-8 classroom as well to determine if I truly want to switch to education permanently.  A huge decision, but one that has lifted a huge burden from me (not to mention erased some stress...).

Speaking of, I'm not sure if it's the stress or hormones that have me on the edge of crying a lot of days here lately.  Case in point, Sunday after church, while having a conversation with my journey sister, when she looked me in my eyes and asked how I was, I just lost it!  I told her the truth - that I was tired and a bit overwhelmed (I had gotten some bad news on Friday that had greyed up my weekend a bit).  The good thing (and a thing I really like about my church) is that immediately she, Evangelist Carpenter, one of my sorority sisters and another friend, who were all nearby, noticed my distress and immediately came over to comfort me.  Then my pastor walked over, inquired and he prayed for me.  That made me feel much better and grateful to be in a ministry where the pastor is not above touching the people.  

Yesterday (Tuesday) morning I had the occasion to be at the homegoing services of my line sister and found myself sitting next to a "seasoned" soror from my undergraduate chapter (1973) that I love dearly, and we were talking and just catching up before the services began as it's been some time since we've seen one another.  She started asking me about different aspects of my life, most of which are dramatically different from the last time we had spoken.  She was visibly shocked and I had to struggle to keep it together, and I explained to her simply that I was tired and needed a break.  Other things were forced breaks that almost broke me, but a break nonetheless.

Anyhoo, later on yesterday found me with my journey sister checking in again and catching up with one another.  Everything boiled down to the same sentiment - I'm tired.  Before we left to head over to church for service, she handed me a gift bag.  Inside was a lovely one-year devotional journal:

She said, although the year is almost over over, this is a way for you to stay connected and to be sure and have at least a few moments of quiet time with God.  I was very surprised,d grateful and it's so pretty!  The embossing reads, "My strength and my song," and on the back is Psalm 59:16 in its entirety.  Very nice and apropos.  Right?

I'm sure by now you're wondering where I'm going with all of this long, drawn-out story, am I right?  Well, I'm glad you asked!

I had initially decided to wait and start the devotion tomorrow (Thursday, September 1st) since it was the beginning of a new month, but for some reason I grabbed it and put it in my bag today.  Then I started to leave it in the car when I got to the train, but at the last minute, I grabbed it.  Once I was settled on the train I turned to August 31st and guess what the title was?  "Do not grow weary."  Apparently I needed to read it TODAY.

The scripture for today - "Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."  Galatians 6:19 ESV  The devotional reading begins to discuss the concept of sowing and reaping, basically that you reap what you sow.  For example, if you plant corn, you will reap corn.  You can confidently sow a row of spinach and not expect cauliflower to grow instead - you didn't sow cauliflower seeds.  The devotion goes on to note that the same principle applies to sowing seeds of goodness:  "If you sow seeds of goodness like forgiveness, gentleness, and honesty, you are guaranteed to reap the fruit of those seeds.  There is one trick - don't give up.  Don't plan to reap something that you just started sowing.  Maybe you will see fruit immediately from the good seeds you planted, but in most cases, it takes years.  Rest assured, you will eventually reap the seeds of goodness if you don't give up."  The last piece of the devotional was a short prayer:  "Lord, help me not grow weary in doing good.  Give me long term vision that doesn't get discouraged in short term losses."  And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the point of this post.

When I say I'm tired, I'm not referring to my physical body (although that clearly does get tired and certainly my 45-year old body that stays constantly in a state of revolution gets tired with no shortage of help from my blood pressure medicine, but I digress).  I'm referring to emotionally; exhausted from the effort of continually pouring into people and things and feeling like it is of no use.  And I'm tired, that's for certain.  The thing is, and what I've taken from this devotional reading, is that while it's natural to feel tired/weary when you aren't seeing results right away from your efforts, you should press on.  Applying that to my own life, it might appear to the naked eye that I have given up in some respects.  But, under the surface, know that each transition and life change has been prayed about and divinely directed.  Thing is, I feel like everything is moving in slow motion, and in some cases, one step forward, two steps back.  That feeling makes you want to chuck in the towel and just let go.  And that's precisely what the devotion was speaking to - not giving up your long term vision out of discouragement!  You SHALL reap a harvest of blessings!!!

So I encourage you today, whether it be a job search, furthering your education, opening a business - whatever it is, faint not!!!  And here's a song to feed your spirit as well, Ricky Dillard and New G, "If We Faint Not."  

How was your summer???? Holla @ Darvi and let me know! Be blessed, Blogland and enjoy your evening!!!  xoxoxoxo

Wednesday Radomness!

Happy Wednesday.  Hump Day.  Just over half done with the work week (if you're a Monday-Friday worker), countdown to the weekend.  Yeah, all of that!  I tried something new with google and the ads; let me know how it looks (I haven't seen them yet...).  Anyway, I gotta catch you up on all that has happened in the past week...

So today was the day after election day here in Illinois; we had a number of key races going on (besides the Presidential Primary).  It was an exciting day for me because I was able to get the Teen registered and he was also able to vote (because he'll be 18 prior to the November election).  Now, of course he was a bit miffed at me because I made a big deal out of it (with pictures and everything) and the registrars also made a big deal out of it.  So he was NOT a happy camper!  He gave me the full teen unaffected stare:

Now ask me do I care?  Survey says:  "No!"  It was a monumental occasion and deserved to be captured!

This past weekend, I had the distinct honor of joining the ranks of the Top Ladies of Distinction (TLOD); a professional humanitarian organization that services youth and adults. I am so very excited about this new chapter in my life and hope to make a real difference, (even more so than I already have with my current affiliations), in the very near future.  I was inducted at the Area III Conference in Skokie, Illinois, and enjoyed the remainder of the conference:  professional development workshops, business meetings, presentation and celebration of graduating seniors, and fellowship with the other ladies.  Of course I took a ton of pictures, but here is my very first one as Lady Darvionne:

Don't I look excited????  If you are interested in seeing what the Top Ladies are all about, you can check out the national website here.  Now that the festivities are over, it's time to get to work, and I'm up to the challenge!

I left the conference early enough to make it to the second service on Sunday (y'all know I don't play about church on Sundays) and I'm so glad I did! To me, my week just goes better when I start it in church, ya know?  The sermon was titled:  What will you do with Jesus?  The text:  Matthew 27:15-26.  The heart of the message?  In the words of that old Bill Withers song:  Who is He and what is He to you (relationship)????

Monday night found me in Week 7 of my class (yes, the weeks are flying by).  We are still in the old testament, and the lesson was on Atonement (studying the books of Exodus, Leviticus and part of Numbers).  And it was a great class with lively discussion (as usual), but that's not really what I want to talk about today.  Today during some downtime at the project, I had occasion to do the reading for next week's homework, which is on the subject of Leadership.  And given that I just cast my vote on yesterday for my choices of the leadership of the country and in some of my state and county offices, I figured it would be a good time to share that lesson with you.  Ready?  Let's go.

Each lesson in the workbook begins with a scripture and then a section called "Our Human Condition."  The one for this lesson reads as follows:  "We cannot tolerate political disorder and confusion.  We swing between desiring unity born of faithfulness and want to 'do our own thing.'  We need leadership.  Please, somebody give us a sense of direction."  Now I felt this discussion to be apropos, given that we are voting this year to elect the new leader of the United States.  In this lesson, we begin with the book of Joshua, which is a transitional book, taking Israel from the time of Moses into the promised land.  From there, we move into the book of Judges.  Now, this was a time where Israel had no king and God was the ruler of the people.  However, if you're even just a tiny bit familiar with the old testament, then you know that this didn't work out so well... According to the lesson, the recurring pattern during the period of the judges was apostasy (abandonment of faith), punishment, penitence and peace.  Sounds kinda like the cycle we're in at the moment...

Throughout the bible, God has used unlikely people to be his instruments.  The judges were no different.  The three noted in the lesson were Deborah, Gideon and Samson.  Nothing extraordinary about them, yet they were called and used to fulfill God's purposes for His people.  Anyhoo, the lesson goes on to say: "God calls leaders to give people a sense of direction and purpose.  When the leaders are godly, they give sound direction; when they are disobedient or ambivalent, they lead people astray."  The lesson then goes on to ask questions, and the one that stood out for me, was this one:  "Describe what would happen if in your country or your church or your household 'all the people did what was right in their own eyes' (Judges 21:25)."  Kinda sounds like what we are seeing today, huh?  

I know this is a bit different from my usual type of posts, but still important nonetheless. Whatever your political affiliation/viewpoint, it is extremely important that you vote, but also and perhaps even more importantly, that you pray for whomever wins the election (for someone must win and someone else will lose) that they lead with integrity and wisdom and that God will heal our land.  We are truly in need of some healing around here!  "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and heal their land."  2 Chronicles 7:14

We have some work to do in this country; I am growing increasingly concerned about what the future will look like for my not-so-little people.  So as you go about your daily life and say your prayers, throw some in for us - it's critical!

Am I concerned for nothing?  Oh, and we lost another this morning, Darryl Coley, who had one of the most wonderful voices in gospel music.  Don't believe me?  Check out this beautiful song by him here.  Anyway - am I concerned for nothing??? You know the drill, Holla @ Darvi!  Be Blessed!

xoxo 

Falling Off The Wagon... (Trust - Part III)

Happy Friday (yes, it really is Friday - I checked)!  It's the weekend, baby and I'm looking forward to it!!!  I have a full day Saturday lined up (I hope my energy level stays up enough for me to actually make all of these things):  Centennial Kickoff Celebration for my high school, Morgan Park (my whole family except one person went there; we have graduates from 1955-1997, so it's a big deal for my family) in the morning; U of I Black Alumni All-Class Reunion Kickoff in the afternoon (the last one was in 2008); and a scrapbook gathering Saturday evening with my scrapbooking group (haven't seen them since last July).  I have a busy day tomorrow...

So I have a confession to make.  I kinda fell off the wagon.  Meaning that less than 24 hours after my great inspirational post about turning lemons into lemonade, I found myself engaged in a conversation about the past, which inevitably turned into a discussion of things I prefer not to think about (things lost) and before I knew it, I was having a pity party for myself.  Complete with some tears.  Had to snap out of it real quick!  Still trying actually, it makes me both sad and angry to know that the things I worked so hard for are just gone and there's nothing I can do about it... Just keeping it real here.  I feel kinda like this:

The truth is, I know deep inside that as great as some of the things were that I have lost, and the what-feels-like-forever process of rebuilding (again), I believe that what's ahead is going to be better than anything I've ever had.  How do I know?  Well, for one because I believe His Word and I stand on the promises contained in it.  In this case, the specific verse I'm referring to is Romans 8:18:  For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. And also, Romans 8:28: And we know that all things work together for good for them that love God to them that are called according to his purpose.  And second, because I don't believe He's brought me this far to leave me.  You know that's an old time song; I grew up COGIC, so I know a lot of old time songs.  Sometimes you have to reach back to those old songs for comfort.  My grandmother always played those old time songs at night, so I would go to sleep hearing them.  All through my life, whenever I have felt down or uncertain about what was ahead, I have always come back to that song.  There are several versions, believe it or not Min. Tim White, who was a guest at church just last Sunday, sang the Rev. James Cleveland version that had me in tears, but my absolute favorite is by Mary Mary.  You can listen to it here.

The pertinent lyrics:  

"I don't feel noways tired (Rev. Cleveland)/I just can't give up now (Mary Mary)

I've come too far from where I started from,

Nobody told me that the road would be easy,

And I don't believe He's brought me this far, to leave me."  

And that's the truth - I really don't believe He's brought me this far to leave me.  All that to say that I'm still a work in progress and I'm still figuring all of this out too.  It's an everyday process, one step at a time.  Right now I'm feeling uncomfortable with some things and I know it's time to prepare for a change.  And the biggest part of the change will depend on me, preparing and being ready when it comes.  So that is my task, to be ready.

All of this has been on my mind, along with Pastor Singleton's last two Sunday sermons: Recognizing New Things (1/3/2016) and The God of the Second Chance (1/10/2016). Both of those sermons spoke to me personally and I'd like to share some highlights with you.  

In "Recognizing New Things," the messages that resonated with me were:  

1) you must put the past behind you because if you are locked into the past, you can't recognize the new; 

2) while we naively approach the future optimistically, we should hope for the best but be prepared for the worse; 

3) Isaiah 43:2 (NIV):  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze; and

4) when God tells you something He's going to do in your life, it doesn't mean that it will be easy, just that He will be with you and see it to fruition.

The bottom line?  We have to put and keep our faith and trust in the Living God! (For reference, the scripture text for the sermon was Isaiah 43:18-21).

In "The God of the Second Chance," the messages that resonated with me were:

1) sometimes the answer is not going back, but going forward no matter how hard forward looks;

2) fear does not impact God's ability, but has to do with the object of my (our) faith; just because we don't trust it, that doesn't affect its trustworthiness;

3) sometimes we miss our blessings because we don't trust God; but thankfully He's the God of second chances!;

4) His grace and purpose for your life is why you're still here and been given multiple chances;

5) the keys to success are to trust and obey:  it's hard to trust anyone you don't have a relationship with; part of Christian growth is to be put into situations you can't get out of except by trusting God; you won't obey God if you don't know His Word; and

6) to be successful, you must have a strategy:  spiritual (trust and obey) and natural (real plans) - they must come together.

For reference, the -scripture text was Joshua 1:1-9, and it was the story of how God gave the descendants of the Israelites a second chance to go to the promised land (their ancestors had messed up by allowing fear to guide them).  

And where does all of this lead us?  Right back to trust again.  I didn't know I would keep coming back to that this week, but here we are.  Know that everything I post is for me, my reminders about what is really going on, and if I happen to touch someone else along the way, then I am thankful to have been that vessel.  Listen, sometimes I have things on my heart to say to you guys, and I have no idea how I'm going to do that.  And almost always, when I go to church on Sunday, there is something in the sermon that provides confirmation to what was placed on my heart to say.  Sometimes that's a little scary - this is a totally new experience for me, and I truly am not sure where He's taking me with all of this...

I want to encourage you to get yourself in a teaching ministry; I grew up in church and have spent many, many, MANY days and nights in church throughout my life.  (Told y'all I grew up COGIC...).  However, it wasn't until I grew up and began seeking understanding for myself about how to apply this stuff to real life, my life, that I had the courage to strike out beyond my childhood church.  I have been blessed to have been under three great teaching ministries in my adulthood and it has made all the difference in how I hear, see, and apply scripture to my everyday life.  So that's my soapbox for today; if you are in the Chicago area/South Suburbs, I encourage you to check out my church, Victory Apostolic; it is truly a teaching church and great things are happening there.

That being said, I ask for your prayers that I can recognize whatever new things He has for me and that I'm ready for them when they come.  I wish all of you a great weekend, I will be tired.com when mine is over!  Sidenote:  I have been easing back into some creative work, I officially started my December Daily album last week (I got up to Day 7 completed), and I can truly say that it has been fun to relive those little moments (in words and pictures) that can so easily be forgotten in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season.  I will definitely be doing it again this year.  I will share, who knows, you may want to document your own Decembers this year!

So for real, am I the only one who is constantly falling off the trust wagon and having to have a do-over???  Holla @ Darvi, I really don't want to be the only one... Be blessed, framily!

xoxoxo

Reflections on 2015...

Hello Blogland! I hope that everyone had a great Christmas!!! I did not get back to posting before the holiday; it got completely too busy! I had the family over for Christmas Eve and it was just great to spend time with everyone.  The kids and I had a quiet Christmas morning and when we were finally ready to head out, my car wouldn't start!  So our plans had to change... Spent Saturday at Pep Boys- - 6 hours and $221 hours later...So yeah, it was an eventful weekend!

I did have the stress test done on last Wednesday, everything appears to be fine (thank God!) and I had blood work done as well to try and determine the source of these blood pressure surges.  Thankfully I experienced no problems over the holiday weekend and was able to enjoy the holidays.  Hopefully all continues to be well on the health front.

So it's the time of year where I (along with most other people) start to reflect on the closing year and looking forward to the coming year.  This year, since I have this medium, I will share some of my reflections on 2015 with you. 

Generally, each year I put together a list of "intentions" (I gave up resolutions many moons ago because I never, ever kept them); my intentions then evolved into a super convoluted exercise called "Plan 180 - 20__," which was actually great for my OCD mind.  (More on that in a separate post).  It is always a written plan; if I'm really feeling good, I'll even type it.  And sometimes, sometimes I actually comment and track on it during the year just to see how I'm doing.  I didn't journal much this year, but I can still reflect and comment on my year 2015...

A year ago found me in a peculiar place:  stressed to the hilt about finances, overtaxed in "busyness," trying to maintain a relationship that was going downhill fast, hanging onto some friendships that were probably better left alone, and really off my square spiritually. I was a MESS!  I had joined my church, but even living only 5-7 minutes away, I was still only half attending and not at all involved.  And I believe that my life reflected my lack of spiritual connectedness...

One thing that I do each year (have done since 2006 or 2007) is to choose a Word of the Year (you may be familiar with it also as "One Little Word;" more on that in another post), and this year I chose the word "Be."  I wrestled with "joy," "peace," "faith," but at the end of the day, I chose "Be."  Meaning that throughout 2015, whatever came my way, I would "be" in the moment and experience it in real time. 

Another thing I decided to do (in addition to my usual weight loss goals, professional goals, and the like was to set some concrete spiritual life goals.  Now, I do set some spiritual goals every year from the apparently next to impossible (I'm going to read the whole Bible this year) to the lazy that I should be able to handle with no problem (I'm going to make it to church every Sunday unless sick or out of town), but this year was different.  This year, my goal was to recommit myself back to my faith. 

When I decided to start this journey, I had no idea how it was going to be accomplished or manifested, nor did I know what I was going to have to give up to do it!  But here, today on December 29, 2015, I can say that it has truly been a journey, and though I would have liked less thorns along the way, I believe I am a better person for starting this journey and seeing it through.  So what all did I do this year?  I'm glad you asked!

So the first thing I did was to seriously check myself on my lackluster church attendance!  I mean, one of the main reasons I changed churches was to be closer so that I could attend, but I still wasn't doing it!  I had to go back to my grandmother's rule:  If you can do what you want to do all week long, SURELY you can get up and take yourself to God's house on Sunday...!  I will need to check my notebook to see how well I did in reality, but it was with intention this year that I was determined to make every Sunday that I could.  And you know what?  Each and every time that I went, without fail, the sermon blessed and spoke to me. 

The second thing I did was to work on my lackluster prayer life... which still needs a LOT of work, but it is so much more than it was a year ago!  I have a dedicated prayer journal area in my FAITH notebook, and I do keep my specific prayers and answered prayers there.  I can definitely look back at it and see where God has answered prayers for me, my family, and friends. 

Next, I decided it was time to get more involved in church and meet some people.  This was easier said than done, I am an introvert and am not one to just start talking to people!  I had my one sister friend/soror at church (Pam) and some other sorors I'd see here and there and that was it.  I took my time with this one, because I didn't want to just add more busyness to my world but wanted all of my actions to be meaningful.  That being said, as you already know, in the summer of 2015 I took the One-on-One Discipleship class (10 weeks from July- September) and I truly enjoyed it!  I grew spiritually, and I met some great people.  Due to a personal matter, I had the opportunity to meet with Pastor Brenda Varnado, one of our spiritual care pastors, in early September, and that meeting has changed my life.  She took me and my children under her wing, and personally saw to it that I met some people!  We got the Tween connected to the dance ministry and the young adult choir, and I just met some outstanding people in general.  In addition, Pastor Varnado was a crucial part of me making it through a very difficult time in my personal life in 2015.  For that, I am forever grateful.  The next thing I did was to join the "Journey Sisters" ministry- it is an accountability partner ministry where you share one or more goals with your journey sister (and vice-versa) and they take the journey with you in 2016 and hold you accountable to reaching your goals.  It's like having your own personal cheerleader and drill sergeant in one!  And my journey sister?  Of all people, I am hooked up with Evangelist Darice Whitted, who is head of the Women's Ministry at Victory.  (See what I mean about that prayer thing?  What are the odds?).  I love her to life and I am super excited about our journey!  But anyway, through this ministry, I've met some outstanding women and I am proud to know them!  I also joined the Outreach Ministry (VOICE) and I LOVE IT!  Again, this expanded my network at the church as well.  Last but not least, I decided to start Discipleship University, a 4-year program offered at Victory.  My classes for Discipleship I begin on January 11, 2016, so stay tuned...

Looking back, I can truly say that it is in this area that I grew the most in 2015.  And by staying committed to my goal, I was able to hear God, and that has been more priceless to me than anything else!  Oh sure, having answered prayers is magnificent (and he showed up and showed out on that too), but being able to hear?  Nothing like it! 

In hearing God this year, I had to give up some things that were near and dear to my heart because they were distracting me from my commitment.  I have alluded to this several times in my postings this year, but now I'm ready to state them.  It was almost a tug of war situation; I really didn't want to let go, but God promised me so much more if I did.  Finally, He made me so uncomfortable that I had no choice but to let go of it all and then he opened the floodgates of blessings and positivity into my life and allowed me to experience the greatest of his gifts:  Hope, Joy and Peace.  What are those things that I had to give up?  Here they are, in no particular order:  my sorority (I was the chapter president at the time); my relationship with Urban Dude; and some "friends."  Yikes, right?  But what have I gained?  Time.  Time to, honestly, just "Be."  See how my word has come full circle???  Do I miss those things?  Sometimes, yes, but I am determined not to move until He tells me to, and in order to do that, I must be able to hear, and I must stay committed... you get the picture. 

So what does my life look like at the end of 2015?  Much, much quieter!  Not necessarily less busy, but I find that I can choose better which activities to spend my time on, and it's not so much work.  Also, I have been able to cultivate and renew friendships with some amazing women this year that I would not have had time for otherwise... 

As we bring 2015 to a close, I keep getting news of tragedies in my friends' and family's lives, and I am thankful to be here and for all that me and my family were blessed with this year (especially the second half of the year).  In the past 2 days, I have gotten hit with news of 3 deaths and none of them were elderly.  So my heart is heavy with grieving for my friends and family on their losses during this time.  That being said, I am even more thankful for all that has transpired in 2015, the good, the bad and even the ugly! 

And now I turn the microphone to you - how did 2015 treat you????  Holla @ Darvi,  and let's talk about it!  Be Blessed!!!

xoxoxo

Perfect Peace???

Happy Tuesday, Blogland!  Yes, Tuesday, because I couldn’t get myself together enough on Monday to write.  So it is Christmas Week and try as I might to stay calm, I can feel the pressure mounting… And I’m taking a stress test in the morning, so I’m sure that will be an experience!

This year will present a lot of new things for me and the kids:  new place, new traditions (while keeping some of the old ones), new faces (and the absence of old ones) – just a spirit of newness!  I am looking forward to it, and I’m trying my best to assure the kids that everything will be fine, even with all of the change we’ve experienced this year.  Almost my whole family will be over for our annual Christmas Eve social, and I am looking forward to it.  Then afterwards, I have a busy Christmas weekend ahead of me, making new Christmas traditions, which I am also very much looking forward to.  But at the same time… it’s a lot of work to prepare for it all and I am (slightly) behind schedule in my quest for the “perfect” holiday.  Sound familiar to anyone or is it just me????  Now of course I know that there’s no such thing as a “perfect” holiday, but still I try.  There is something about this time of year that just tends to bring out the best in most people and I love to spread joy and cheer!

Speaking of spreading joy and cheer, I spent some time over the weekend volunteering at Victory’s Holiday Giveaway (I love being a part of the Outreach Ministry, feels like home to me), along with the teen and tween.  Look at this beautiful tree (one of several in the lobby area of our church). 

 

And look at me; don’t I look happy to be there??? This is one of my friends from the Outreach Ministry with me.

 

I was working at the check in desk for toys, the tween was a personal shopper and the teen was helping people carry their food baskets and other items to their cars.  It was a great lesson for them and they enjoyed volunteering.  See the joyful look on their faces???  

Nah, just kidding, their usual “unaffected stare” (thanks Missy) was in place!  But they SAID that they enjoyed it.  It really was awesome to see the looks on the family’s faces, especially those who received the personalized shopping done for their family (there were bikes, hockey tables, all manner of goodness)!  Victory really showed up and showed out for this outreach event!

Sunday we had an awesome service at church; Pastor Singleton finished his series on the Gifts of Jesus; this time he spoke about the Gift of PEACE.  There was but one scripture and I will quote it here:

“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.”  Luke 2:14

According to Pastor Singleton’s message, peace is tied directly into why Jesus was born (to make peace between God and the world), see Romans 5:1.  He went on to say that while peace is for everyone, it is not to everyone (see John 3:16-19); instead it is only to those on who His favor rests.  Only those at peace with God can know the peace of God!  That is because peace is relational with God (see John 14:27).  The peace of God is a state of mind; peace must overcome tests, trials and temptations in this life. So how does one have peace in this troubled world??? 

Pastor Singleton compared the two views of peace that most people have: 1) the belief that “peace” means quiet all around and that absolutely everything goes their way, and 2) when in the midst of everything falling apart, you keep your peace by keeping your mind “stayed” on Him.  Let’s dig a little deeper…

For those who believe that all must be well in order to have peace, they will never be “peacemakers” like Jesus because humility is required.  Those with the peace of God can humble themselves to go higher in God and to make peace.  The scriptures show how Jesus humbled himself by making himself nothing (man) and became obedient to death on a cross, all to make peace between God and Man (see Philippians 2:5-8).  Sometimes, in order to make peace, you have to be crucified (make peace with those who have wronged you to be like Jesus). 

Let me put a pin right here and be transparent for a moment:  I. STRUGGLE. WITH. THIS.  DAILY!  It’s very difficult, I won’t lie.  I haven’t quite yet gotten to the point where I can reach out to those folks yet, but, I have made peace with the situation.  Even the hurt and anger is diminishing, so I guess I’m on the right track, eh?  Pastor Singleton also posted the Prayer of St. Francis Assisi; I won’t post it here, but here’s a link for you.  I will be trying my best to live this going forward, I do some of it, but I could do better.  Ever a work in progress…

Back to the sermon; the bottom line is this:  peace with God is relational, while the peace of God is a state of mind.  I’ll just sit this right there for a moment.

So onto one of the other things I’ve been working on this month, my Scripture writing plan.  Yeah, that.  So, I was feeling good about being on task and then, just like that, I fell behind.  And I was so very BEHIND in my Scripture writing plan until I caught up this morning on the train!  Anyhoo, here are the verses for this week (and next week) so that you don’t get behind waiting on me...  It really has been a wonderful walk through the scriptures and I hope you’ve enjoyed sharing it.

December 21 – Luke 1:51-56                                December 22- Luke 2:4-7

December 23- Luke 2:8-12                                     December 24 – Luke  2:13-16

December 25- Luke :17-20                                     December 26- Galatians 4:4-7

December 27- Philippians 2:5-8                           December 28 – Philippians 2:9-11

December 29- James 1:16-18                                December 30- Titus 3:3-7

December 31 – Choose your own verse  

It’s the time of the year when most people reflect on the year past and prepare intentions for the coming year (well, at least I do; it’s one of my favorite processes at the end of every year).  As we prepare to say “sayonara” to 2015 and look with hope towards 2016, won’t you make it your aim to have both peace with God and the peace of God? I’m just saying…

So all that being said, anyone living in perfect peace?  How do you live it?  You know the drill – Holla @ Darvi and let’s talk about it!  Be Blessed – I will be back before Christmas!!!