Bleh...

Happy Friday, Blogland!  I hope that everyone has had a great week.  Or, maybe you're like me, happy that you can put this week behind you!  Whatever the case, happy Friday!  

So it's been COLD in Chi-Town - very, very cold.  And you know what?  I'm so over it!!! Every winter I ask myself why do I continue to voluntarily torture myself with these Midwestern Winters???  Sidenote:  With the global warming going on, is there really anywhere safe these days???  I'd just like to be warm - I hate being cold!

I've been quiet this week.  For various reasons. One, I have a lot I want to say, but the words haven't formulated yet.  Two, I'm feeling a bit "bleh."  Yeah, you read right.

I started the week continuing to celebrate the Tween's birthday (on a very frigid MLK Day), then onto double doctor appointments on Tuesday, one of which has me very frustrated... And a tad anxious if I am being truthful.  The rest of the week has been full of restlessness - not sure why.  I did have the opportunity to (hopefully) help some people this week (it's when I truly love what I do), and I didn't charge them a thing!  Now, some of you will say, why on earth would a technically) unemployed person work for free?  And that's a very valid point in the grand scheme of things.  However, I've learned that the good things I do for others always find their way back to me, so it's all good.  But - if you're reading this and you owe me money, come holla at me... LBVS!

So back to "bleh."  I made it to church on Sunday, and Pastor Greene spoke.  It was my first time hearing him, and I enjoyed his message.  It was titled "Don't Miss His Blessings."  His text was Numbers 14:20-24, which was about the 40 year "road trip" that the Israelites were on because of the noise of their unbelief.  Pastor Greene said that some of us can identify with them because we have been on the same journey for a long time, and asked us how many exits have we missed because of distractions?  The gist of everything was this:  it's time to move beyond waiting and dreaming, it's time to wake up and live the dream.  We often miss our blessings because of our position - most often fear.  Fear keeps us away from what God has in store for us.  So we have to have committed faith - based on a relationship of trust with God.  

I've been thinking about that all week.  I mean, I get it.  I really do.  But still I feel "bleh" and unfocused.  Floaty actually.  Prone to procrastination because my thoughts keep drifting. Mentally exhausted even.  And so I feel "bleh."  Some of it has to do with all of the negativity that is going on in the world right now - so much of it that it's just draining to me.  The rest has to do with my own little corner of the world.  This has been a week full of "I didn'ts":  I didn't finish my Plan 180, I didn't start my goal sheet for Journey Sisters, I didn't finish my homework for class (which begins on Monday...), I didn't take down the Christmas trees (don't judge- they didn't get put up until literally the week of Christmas), I didn't finish my laundry, I didn't get my resume updated yet - you get the picture.  A whole lotta procrastination and unfinished tasks.  Feeling like I'm afraid to commit to things - what if I'm wrong AGAIN???  Truth is, I'm having trouble not looking back (which I should be deathly afraid of - hello?  Lot's wife???).  

Now why am I telling you all of this?  That's a good question!  Truthfully, it's my hope that in sharing my struggles, I help someone to see that it's not just them (if we share similar struggles) or at the least, you get to laugh at me (and I help bring laughter and joy to your world!).  

So as I sit here, just after midnight on Friday, listening to some 80's gospel on You Tube (trying to get myself together, I promise I am), I pray that I find the wherewithal to get it all done.  But I really do feel "bleh."  I don't want anyone to think that means I've lost my faith or anything like that, but sometimes everyone is in need of a break.  Today it's me.  

I will leave you with the song I'm listening to right now, "God Is," by Rev. James Cleveland (from 1979).  You can listen to it here.  Songs like this just always remind me of my childhood and my grandma - the good old days. And here's a quote for good measure:

 "When you lose something in your life, stop thinking it's a loss for you... it is a gift you have been given so you can get on the right path to where you are meant to go, not to where you think you should have gone."  Suze Orman 

Isn't that a great quote? You can find other quotes about "paths" here.  Hopefully that and this here music will be enough for me to get it in gear... Please tell me I'm not the only one (feeling "bleh," prone to procrastination, full of "I didn'ts")- come Holla @ Darvi and share! 

Otherwise, have a great weekend, framily and be blessed!    xoxoxo

Falling Off The Wagon... (Trust - Part III)

Happy Friday (yes, it really is Friday - I checked)!  It's the weekend, baby and I'm looking forward to it!!!  I have a full day Saturday lined up (I hope my energy level stays up enough for me to actually make all of these things):  Centennial Kickoff Celebration for my high school, Morgan Park (my whole family except one person went there; we have graduates from 1955-1997, so it's a big deal for my family) in the morning; U of I Black Alumni All-Class Reunion Kickoff in the afternoon (the last one was in 2008); and a scrapbook gathering Saturday evening with my scrapbooking group (haven't seen them since last July).  I have a busy day tomorrow...

So I have a confession to make.  I kinda fell off the wagon.  Meaning that less than 24 hours after my great inspirational post about turning lemons into lemonade, I found myself engaged in a conversation about the past, which inevitably turned into a discussion of things I prefer not to think about (things lost) and before I knew it, I was having a pity party for myself.  Complete with some tears.  Had to snap out of it real quick!  Still trying actually, it makes me both sad and angry to know that the things I worked so hard for are just gone and there's nothing I can do about it... Just keeping it real here.  I feel kinda like this:

The truth is, I know deep inside that as great as some of the things were that I have lost, and the what-feels-like-forever process of rebuilding (again), I believe that what's ahead is going to be better than anything I've ever had.  How do I know?  Well, for one because I believe His Word and I stand on the promises contained in it.  In this case, the specific verse I'm referring to is Romans 8:18:  For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. And also, Romans 8:28: And we know that all things work together for good for them that love God to them that are called according to his purpose.  And second, because I don't believe He's brought me this far to leave me.  You know that's an old time song; I grew up COGIC, so I know a lot of old time songs.  Sometimes you have to reach back to those old songs for comfort.  My grandmother always played those old time songs at night, so I would go to sleep hearing them.  All through my life, whenever I have felt down or uncertain about what was ahead, I have always come back to that song.  There are several versions, believe it or not Min. Tim White, who was a guest at church just last Sunday, sang the Rev. James Cleveland version that had me in tears, but my absolute favorite is by Mary Mary.  You can listen to it here.

The pertinent lyrics:  

"I don't feel noways tired (Rev. Cleveland)/I just can't give up now (Mary Mary)

I've come too far from where I started from,

Nobody told me that the road would be easy,

And I don't believe He's brought me this far, to leave me."  

And that's the truth - I really don't believe He's brought me this far to leave me.  All that to say that I'm still a work in progress and I'm still figuring all of this out too.  It's an everyday process, one step at a time.  Right now I'm feeling uncomfortable with some things and I know it's time to prepare for a change.  And the biggest part of the change will depend on me, preparing and being ready when it comes.  So that is my task, to be ready.

All of this has been on my mind, along with Pastor Singleton's last two Sunday sermons: Recognizing New Things (1/3/2016) and The God of the Second Chance (1/10/2016). Both of those sermons spoke to me personally and I'd like to share some highlights with you.  

In "Recognizing New Things," the messages that resonated with me were:  

1) you must put the past behind you because if you are locked into the past, you can't recognize the new; 

2) while we naively approach the future optimistically, we should hope for the best but be prepared for the worse; 

3) Isaiah 43:2 (NIV):  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze; and

4) when God tells you something He's going to do in your life, it doesn't mean that it will be easy, just that He will be with you and see it to fruition.

The bottom line?  We have to put and keep our faith and trust in the Living God! (For reference, the scripture text for the sermon was Isaiah 43:18-21).

In "The God of the Second Chance," the messages that resonated with me were:

1) sometimes the answer is not going back, but going forward no matter how hard forward looks;

2) fear does not impact God's ability, but has to do with the object of my (our) faith; just because we don't trust it, that doesn't affect its trustworthiness;

3) sometimes we miss our blessings because we don't trust God; but thankfully He's the God of second chances!;

4) His grace and purpose for your life is why you're still here and been given multiple chances;

5) the keys to success are to trust and obey:  it's hard to trust anyone you don't have a relationship with; part of Christian growth is to be put into situations you can't get out of except by trusting God; you won't obey God if you don't know His Word; and

6) to be successful, you must have a strategy:  spiritual (trust and obey) and natural (real plans) - they must come together.

For reference, the -scripture text was Joshua 1:1-9, and it was the story of how God gave the descendants of the Israelites a second chance to go to the promised land (their ancestors had messed up by allowing fear to guide them).  

And where does all of this lead us?  Right back to trust again.  I didn't know I would keep coming back to that this week, but here we are.  Know that everything I post is for me, my reminders about what is really going on, and if I happen to touch someone else along the way, then I am thankful to have been that vessel.  Listen, sometimes I have things on my heart to say to you guys, and I have no idea how I'm going to do that.  And almost always, when I go to church on Sunday, there is something in the sermon that provides confirmation to what was placed on my heart to say.  Sometimes that's a little scary - this is a totally new experience for me, and I truly am not sure where He's taking me with all of this...

I want to encourage you to get yourself in a teaching ministry; I grew up in church and have spent many, many, MANY days and nights in church throughout my life.  (Told y'all I grew up COGIC...).  However, it wasn't until I grew up and began seeking understanding for myself about how to apply this stuff to real life, my life, that I had the courage to strike out beyond my childhood church.  I have been blessed to have been under three great teaching ministries in my adulthood and it has made all the difference in how I hear, see, and apply scripture to my everyday life.  So that's my soapbox for today; if you are in the Chicago area/South Suburbs, I encourage you to check out my church, Victory Apostolic; it is truly a teaching church and great things are happening there.

That being said, I ask for your prayers that I can recognize whatever new things He has for me and that I'm ready for them when they come.  I wish all of you a great weekend, I will be tired.com when mine is over!  Sidenote:  I have been easing back into some creative work, I officially started my December Daily album last week (I got up to Day 7 completed), and I can truly say that it has been fun to relive those little moments (in words and pictures) that can so easily be forgotten in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season.  I will definitely be doing it again this year.  I will share, who knows, you may want to document your own Decembers this year!

So for real, am I the only one who is constantly falling off the trust wagon and having to have a do-over???  Holla @ Darvi, I really don't want to be the only one... Be blessed, framily!

xoxoxo

When life gives you lemons... (Trust Part II)

Happy Wednesday, Blogland! (yes, I know that it's officially Thursday, but since I haven't gone to bed yet, it's still Wednesday to me - I know I'm not the only one...)!

I hope that the week has been kind to you all so far; here in Chicago it has been super cold since Sunday!  Not so cold that school was closed, but cold enough.  Tomorrow it is supposed to warm up, so I'm glad about that. 

Why did I choose that as the title of this post?  I'm glad you asked...

Today started off as a very trying day - overslept (was apparently exhausted last night), rushing the Teen and the Tween out the door, got the Tween to school and she had no hat or gloves (in 2 degree weather), had to search through the car for my spare pair of gloves, then I was rushing to make the train, wedged my car into a tiny space (the plowing situation has apparently given people license to take up more real estate than they are normally allowed between the little yellow lines), ran halfway 'cross the lot to catch the train that was coming in 3 minutes when I realized that I didn't have my purse with me... No purse meant no driver's license, no wallet, no train ticket!  I sighed, promptly turned around and made my way back to my car where I shimmied back into the car (don't even ask, I'm just glad there was no one with a camera around) and drove back home.  Oh yeah, forgot that my boot broke too and I was going to have to change them also.  So needless to say, I was super irritated with the Tween and with myself for forgetting my purse because I was now going to be late!

On the way to the house, I decided that I would just drive downtown because I would be really late if I waited for the next train, and the parking situation wasn't going to get better... So when I got home, I took off the broken boots, walked up the stairs to grab my purse and make myself a cup of coffee for the road.  My cup of coffee was the lemonade for my lemons, or so I thought (I rationalized that the cost of parking was half of what I was planning to spend at Dunkin Donuts, so it made perfect sense to me).

As I walked up the stairs past the front door, I saw that the front door was totally unlocked (thanks to the Teen who leaves out before us; normally I catch it when we leave but today the Tween and I went out downstairs through the garage...). I quickly locked the door, shook my head and continued to the kitchen to make my coffee.  My "trying" morning that led to me returning home was actually a blessing; it allowed me to lock the house up! (The real lemonade of the day) I don't even want to think of what could have happened otherwise - thank God I had to return home today!

Oftentimes we are irritated by life's inconveniences, stressors, tests and trials.  I am raising my hand, because I am a person who hates to be inconvenienced and these days it doesn't take long for stress to overtake me and those things can, if I'm not careful, put a damper on my entire day!  But what if we looked at those negatives in a different light?  What if we looked at them with the perspective that sometimes things that appear negative on their face are really blessings/protection in disguise?  I'm sure you've seen the emails/Facebook posts about the grumbling saint who was late for work because of car trouble and several other mishaps during his day.  During his prayer time, he grumbled to God about why He allowed all of those bad things to happen.  In response, God told him that he let him sleep longer because the death angel had come for him and his protector angel fought for him; he had car trouble because there was accident and he would have been in the middle of it; and the day went on.  Sheepishly, instead of complaining, all the man could do is say "thank you."  (I'm trying to locate it now because I'm sure I didn't do it justice here, but you get the idea).  Found it!  It's called, "Conversation with God," and here's the link if you want to read it yourself.

I repeat my grandmother all the time, "we can only see to the corner, but God can see around it."  What does that mean?  That means that although we don't know what lies ahead, He does.  And sometimes life's inconveniences are sent our way to keep us out of harm's way.  

Scripture tells us that God is our protector; He has our back!  Don't believe me?  Look here:

Isaiah 41:10  fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 54:17   no weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD and their vindication from me, declares the LORD.”

Psalm 46:1  God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Psalm 91:1-3   He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”  For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence.

Psalm 121:7-8   The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. 8 The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.

2Timothy 4:18 The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen.

Sometimes we have to learn to thank God for what He didn't give us:  that job you just had to have and were disappointed that you didn't get, only to learn that the whole department got laid off 6 months later - Thank you God!  That event you were dying to go to and you just couldn't get the timing together, only to learn that something bad happened there and you were the only person not involved - Thank you God! Everyone can come up tons of examples, but you get the picture.  I told you all a few months ago about how I lost some "friends" and it was a hard situation to deal with at the time and I kinda missed my phone ringing.  But you know what?  When I look back on what those conversations sometimes consisted of (nothing positive, complaining and folks always looking for an "amen corner" to their self-righteous mess), I thank God that they don't call me any more - I don't have time for that mess, and there is the added benefit that now my name can't be put in the middle of mess because I am not on the call list...!

What am I saying - that you should never get irritated when negative things come your way? Absolutely not, because that would make me the QUEEN of the hypocrites!  But what I am saying is that after your blood pressure has gotten you up to 29 (some of y'all are gonna miss that one), just stop and say, "Lord, I don't know why this happened, but I thank you for protecting me from things seen and unseen today."  We have no idea of the many obstacles that come in our path but are blocked by the angels that God has protecting each and every one of us.  Reminds me of a song, "God Blocked It" by Kurt Carr, you can listen to it here. 
Found a picture that sums it all up:

Scripture says that "we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."  Ephesians 6:12  I thank God for the angels that protect me and mine daily; I don't know, nor do I want to know, all of the things that did not happen!  Yeah, I may have gotten hit with a few pebbles, but... 

This is truly not what I intended to write about today, but talking about my morning allowed for our conversation to go in this direction. But, I still get to bring it back to my intended topic for the day- Trust.  Yep.  We have to learn to trust God no matter what is going on in our world.  I thought I wouldn't be able to work in a nugget from Pastor Singleton's sermon (1/3/2016), but here we go:

- He promised to be with us, no matter what the future holds; God's got "this" even when you don't know what "this" is yet!

I'm just going to let that sit right there... 

So my Darvism for the day?  We have to learn to trust His plan, even when it looks like bad things are happening to us from our limited perspective and know that He has our back, no matter what.  And make lemonade with those lemons!

Anyone else ever have a morning like mine?  You know the drill, Holla @ Darvi and let's talk about it!  Be blessed and stay warm!

xoxoxo 

Expect the Great (Trust - Part I)

Hello, blogland!  So I had written a really great post, full of Darvisms and my computer blinked and I lost it.  I have been working on it for over an hour; it didn't even save part of the draft... so I'm a bit bummed; I'm not sure I can recreate it. *sigh* 
But here goes:

I hope that 2016 has been kind to everyone thus far. It is off to a great start in my world (save this bogus computer issue a few minutes ago); nothing tangible has changed, but I'm feeling magnificent and excited about the new and great things in front of me for 2016! (Again, save for this bogus computer issue... windows 10, we are not friends right now! And while I'm at it, Blogger either; you are autosaving this post, but saved NOTHING from the one I lost... just saying).

The kiddos are back in school and I've started another contract project.  Today is the Tween's birthday; she's 12 now!  Which reminds me that I have to do some awesome mommy stuff for her later today...  Life is good!  I got a new planner system (motivated by one of my gifts from my 2015 Secret Sistah) and I spent Saturday setting it up in the pretty new binder that I purchased for it (I love office and organizing products).  Wanna see?  Here you go (it is a project life, Becky Higgins planner):

Isn't it cute????  I'm a sucker for a new planner, even if I already have one, go figure!  And notebooks.  I love notebooks...  But I digress.

I'm sure everyone is still basking in the glow of a new year and all of the new expectations, hopes and dreams that come with it.  This is the time of year when most people, myself included, sit down and try to plot a course for the year of goals that they would want to see accomplished, both big and small.  I like to set out my goals in written form, in what I used to call my "Plan 180," but I think that name will change this year.  My "plan" encompasses each and every aspect of my life and I commit to accomplish certain things each year.  This year I will take the additional step of selecting one goal from each category to share with my Journey Sister, who will be my cheerleader and drill sergeant as I strive to accomplish them this year.  Whatever you call them, resolutions, intentions, plans, goals, dreams, I highly encourage you to write them down for a visual reminder throughout the year and also so that you can check them off as you reach them.

Are you a dreamer?  I am.  I have too many dreams to count; they scare me sometimes, because I feel that I don't have enough time to even attempt to flesh them all out, let alone try and accomplish them.  Some have been in my head for many years, others are new. The thing is though, that they don't go away.  Even if I put them out of my mind for awhile, eventually, they come back.  

At watch night service, on the dawn of the new year, Pastor Singleton spoke about Joseph, the great dreamer.  The scripture text was Genesis 50:22-26, Exodus 13:19.  For those of you unfamiliar with Joseph's story, here it is in a nutshell (you can also read it in beginning with Genesis 37):  Joseph was the youngest son of Jacob and his favorite.  Because Joseph was his favorite, Jacob made him a coat of many colors.  His brothers hated him (haters!).  At the age of 17, Joseph had several dreams that he shared with his haters, in which he dreamed that he would reign over them and they would bow down to him.  The haters didn't like that at all.  One day his haters plotted to kill him. His brother Reuben was the only one who had compassion and urged the others not to kill him but to throw him alive into a pit instead (and he planned to go back and rescue him later).  The haters/his brothers, ended up selling Joseph to some merchants who were traveling to Egypt. When he got to Egypt, Joseph was sold to Potiphar and because the Lord was with him, he prospered and was promoted.  A misunderstanding with Potiphar's wife landed him in jail (she wanted him and he refused so she lied on him); Joseph again prospered and was promoted while in jail. Joseph had the gift of dream interpretation and he interpreted dreams while in prison.  News of his gift got to Pharaoh, who summoned Joseph to interpret a dream, and eventually promoted Joseph over everything in the land.  As time passed, a famine struck the land and the only food was in Egypt.  Joseph's haters, I mean brothers, were placed in the position of having to come to Egypt to try and buy food.  At the end of the day, just as was predicted in the dream Joseph had many years ago, Joseph reigned over his brothers and they had to bow down to him (they didn't recognize him, although he recognized them and he never took money from them but gave them more than they asked for and returned their money to them).  Joseph eventually reconciled with his family and all was well (see Genesis 50:19-21).  

What can we learn from Joseph's story?  I'm glad you asked (straight from Pastor Singleton's message):

1) Whenever you have a dream, there will always be someone to throw dirt on it and try to extinguish it (ie, haters);

2) Dreamers go through hard times, hurt and humiliation (see Genesis 37: 5-8);

3) Joseph was elevated so that he could bless others; his story shows that faith cannot be destroyed by circumstances; 

4) Joseph never let his success make him lose sight of his greater expectations;

5) At the end of his life, he made his family promise not to leave his bones in Egypt (the land of his death), but instead to take them to the promised land (the land of his promise);

6) We must not only keep the faith, but we also have the responsibility to pass on the faith to others; and

7) What God has promised must come to pass; keep the faith and keep passing it on!

What does all of this mean???  Time for the Darvisms now:   For you (and myself, I am definitely talking to myself today), don't be afraid to dream big.  If God has given you a big dream or several big dreams and nothing around you looks as if any of it is possible, think again.  Keep your faith intact, no matter what it looks like.  Scripture says, "I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 3:14.  Keep moving!  Don't dim or lower your expectations because of what it may look like around you.  God took a truly negative circumstance for Joseph by his haters and turned it around for the future good of not only Joseph, but for his entire family.  And through it all, Joseph had compassion for his brothers, even after what they did to him and he used his success and position to bless them.  I challenge you to expect the great from your 2016 plans, intentions, goals and dreams, as God has given them to you, and keep pressing forward!  Here's a song to motivate you, Expect the Great by Jonathan Nelson, you can listen to it here.  (One day I will figure out how to embed the video in the post...)

So as I rush to finish my 2016 plan, I will be praying over all that I have written and asking God to bless the dreams He has put inside of me.  I fully expect the great and plan to have a praise party as I celebrate each and every blessing this year!  What about you - do you expect the great in 2016???  You know the drill - Holla @ Darvi and let's talk about it!  If you share something, I will add it to my prayer log to touch and agree with you on your great this year!  As always, be blessed!

xoxoxoxo

Hello, 2016!

Happy New Year, Blogland!  Like the graphic?  It is from "Graphics by Pininkie at Mygrafico."  I thought it was pretty cute!  The end of 2015 found me in church with the tween (she had to dance at Watch Night Service).  It was the first time in a long time that I brought in the new year at church (I wanna say the last time was NYE 2003...)!  The young people did a wonderful job!  We were home before 12:30 and I didn't even try to stay up much later than that.  Times have definitely changed...

The end of 2015 was bittersweet in so many ways; if you will allow me to be transparent for just a moment.  This week has been a tough one.  Number 1, my heart is heavy for my friends/family who lost loved ones this week (right after Christmas and before the new year came).  So often we take for granted the things we "plan," often forgetting that the future doesn't belong to us... The worse part of it all is that each of these lost loved ones were only a year or two older than I am; no one was older than 50.  That is very sobering to me- this thing called life can be very fleeting...  And I just found out Natalie Cole died!  

Number 2, my heart is heavy for all that I have lost over the past few years in this season of loss in my life.  I don't do change well (remember that?  I wrote about it here).  I have been in this season of loss for 10 years now.  There have been big losses as well as little losses. The losses have been relational, personal, health, material, financial, professional, friendships, my grandma - you name it, I've lost it!  Some of those losses have knocked me down (on the inside, sometimes physically manifest on the outside).  And as difficult as it's been, I keep getting back up to try and pull it back together just one more time.  Although each time it seems like I stay down a little longer, I keep getting back up.  That could mean many things:  that I am a fool or a glutton for punishment or maybe, just maybe there's something better out there if I keep pressing on.  A lot of times I do feel foolish and I just want to quit and I let myself have a pity party for a few (kinda like now) but eventually, I get back up.  For as down as I might be, there is something in me that won't stop believing that there is "better" and that I can have it!

2015 was a year filled with some low-lows. I can't say high-highs; just mid-range highs.  I am happy to see it go, quite frankly.  There were lots of lessons learned, some I didn't want to learn, but they came anyway, whether I wanted them or not.  My beliefs were tested and some shattered.  My world was shattered and I'm still picking up the pieces and trying to find the glue to put it back together in a way that fits for what my life looks like now.  Let me be honest- it's downright frightening!  And what makes it even more frightening is that there are two not so little people looking at me to see how I manage all of this (the tween and teen) because surely that will shape how they manage hurts, disappointments, change and loss in their own lives.  For with each loss that I have had, it has affected them too.  And more than anything, I want them to be ok...

So here we are, on the first day of 2016, and all is quiet in my house.  Literally the only sound is me pecking away at this keyboard, and I'm doing that from the comfort of my bed! My mind and my emotions are all over the place - I've put off thinking and writing because I've been trying to get a handle on it all!  And it's just hard.  I was so disappointed in 2015 that I'm almost afraid to want anything in 2016 but survival.  There are things I want, sure, but I've been beat down so much that I'm scared to even put them in the universe lest they be taken away from me too...which is certainly not how I intended to start the year, but it's how I feel at this particular time.  That being said, I'm not quite ready to say any of that stuff yet, but I might be tomorrow - depends on how the rest of today pans out (real talk).  

All of which brings me to my 2016 Word of the Year.  For the past 10 years, a group of friends and I have participated in the One Little Word Challenge.  I originally learned of this in 2006 from Creating Keepsakes Magazine (one of my favorite scrapbooking magazines that has since gone on to glory) and we started doing it in 2007.  The concept is that you choose a word at the end of the previous year or beginning of the new year to guide and reflect on throughout the year as you go about this thing called life.  The concept was coined by Ali Edwards, and you can read more about it here.  Something that she wrote I wanna share here:  

"A single word can be a powerful thing... It can be the ripple in the pond that changes everything.  It can be sharp and biting or rich and soft and slow."  

I encourage you to go read the post, google it, and maybe you will be inspired to choose a word for your year.  Anyway, I've been doing this since 2007 and some years my words were spot on, other years I missed them like the Cubs missed going to the world series last year!  But, good, bad and otherwise, here are my past words:

2007 - Transition

2008 - Perseverance

2009 - Optimism

2010 - Reality

2011 - Renewal

2012 - Excel

2013 - Embrace

2014 - Restore

2015 - Be...

 And without further ado, my word for 2016 is:  WISDOM.  

Wisdom is defined as the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; the quality of being wise.  Webster's defines it as knowledge that is gained by having many experiences in life; the natural ability to understand things that most other people cannot understand; the knowledge of what is proper or reasonable.  That's how I want to live 2016- as a wise woman.  One who has learned from her many life experiences and applies those lessons to her current life.  My grandmother was a wise woman and I strive to be like her, when it's all said and done.

That's it, that's all.  2016, we are here!  Ready to tackle all that you throw our way (I think)! So what about you - anyone else do a Word of the Year/One Little Word Challenge and is willing to share your word here?  You know the drill, Holla @ Darvi!  Be Blessed and enjoy this first day of the new year!

xoxoxo