One of every parent's worst nightmares...

Happy Monday, blog land.  Hope that everyone had a great weekend. 

Not a lot of fluff today, so going right into today's post.

Nightmares.  Have you ever had a nightmare?  One that jarred you awake in the middle of the night, heart racing, sometimes sweating, disoriented and looking around as you try to calm yourself?  Nightmares so bad you were afraid to go to sleep at night?

It used to happen to me all the time when I was young and foolish and insisted on watching horror movies with my sister.  Let's just say that I learned that lesson for good more than 30 years ago...

But nightmares don't just come from horror movies.  If you're a parent, there are things that happen in this world that can rock you to your core and have you looking around corners during the day.  And those are things that happen to or threaten your children.  A sick child.  A dead child.  A missing child.

Separation from your child in a public place, especially when they are very small, is one of the most terrifying things that can ever happen to you as a parent.  Especially when you're a fairly new parent.  There is a panic that overtakes you first, then fear as the seconds turn into minutes.  You backtrack through the store, surreptitiously looking around, your eyes darting from side to side, silently praying as you scan every aisle, looking for your child.  As fast as your heart is beating and as panicked as you are, you try to stay calm as you search.  And usually just before you reach full scale alarm and are on your way to the service desk to have the store placed on lock down, you hear your name over the PA system as a lost parent who should report to the service desk.  You rush to the service desk and let out the breath you didn't realize you were holding, and a sense of relief fills you where panic just lived.  When you get there, you see your baby and you grab them into a big hug.  You check them out first to make sure they are ok and you thank the employees for finding him.  Then while you fuss at them about the dangers of wandering off and for scaring you half to death, you put them inside the back of the cart for safekeeping.  All's well and you continue on your day.

A happy ending to what isn't always a happy story; we all know the horrible things that can and have happened when a child is separated from a parent in this big scary world.  We know that there are bad people in the world who seek these situations (and create them at times) for no other reason than just being evil.  And we know that most of such stories don't have happy endings within a few minutes, if at all.

As your children grow and you can no longer put them in the cart to keep them safe, you still try to keep them tethered to you somehow, so you can keep an eye on them.  That works for awhile, until one day they are teenagers.  At that time, you provide them with cell phones and set curfews so that you do your best to keep them safe, even as they are growing and exploring the world and trying to find their place in it.  But what happens when you can't?

As I sit here writing this at 2:15 am, I am pondering that question.  You see, I am living one of every parent's worst nightmares right now - teenage edition.  The teen has stormed out in a huff after we got on his case and has been missing for about 4 hours now.  It's funny,. no matter how old they are, when they are separated from you, you still go through the same stages you did when they wandered off as preschoolers.  Your breathing is shallow and your heart is beating out of your chest.  You silently plead with God to bring your child home safely.  You wait, hoping they will just turn up.  You drive around and look for them.  You set up camp on the living room sofa, close to the front door with a lamp on, so you can be there when they come back. 

As more time passes, your panic grows.  Three hours in, you break down and finally call the police to file a report.  You find a recent photo of your child to give to the officer - the first one you find is from their last birthday.  In just a few minutes, your kid is now in the LEADS system as missing and you calmly sign the report.  On the inside, you are screaming.  Some tears come, but you wipe them away as you wait.  You sit, you unconsciously rocking back and forth as you wait.  You sit near the front so you can hear them if they come in.  If.  A small word with a host of unmentionable and unthinkable outcomes dangling on the other side of it.  Like I said, one of every parent's worst nightmares...

You figure you should read the bible or something as you wait, but you can't think of anything but the 23rd Psalm.  It doesn't comfort you.  You offer up dozens more prayers for the safe return of your baby while you are nursing a headache that threatens to become a full-on migraine.  You sigh and you take pen to paper instead (or maybe that's just what I did) as you wait...

To the casual observer, you probably seem overly calm for the situation as you scribble in your notebook.  You're not.  Your mind races through every moment of your child's life and you try to convince yourself that you've been a good parent while simultaneously trying not to be overcome by the things that go bump in the night and your baby out among them.  Without you to keep him safe.  You are truly at your wits' end as the time creeps towards 5 hours...

Rap, rap, rap - you hear a peck on the window.  You sit up quickly from where you must have dozed off on the sofa and you see your child's head peeping in the window.  You jump up, open the door and let your baby in.  It's now 4:30 am, and now you are finally breathing again...

You both sit down in silence.  You call the police back so they can take your child off the list, but he is now in the system.  The officer comes back and gives your child the same lecture you've been giving him for the past few years.  You wonder if it's sinking in this time.  When the officer leaves, you send your child to bed (it is now 5:20 am and the alarms start going off at 6 am to begin the day) and everyone collapses in bed, exhausted.

Blog land, I hope that none of you have experienced this teenage version of a parent's nightmare.  Believe you me, it is NOT fun.  In fact, it is even more frightening than the toddler edition.  I pray that all of your babies are safe and sound - give them an extra helping of love today and do your best to always keep them safe.

No question today; I'm wiped.  Just have a blessed week. 

xoxo  - Holla @ Darvi