The Struggle is Real...

Happy Hump Day!!!  I hope your week is going well.  I have fully recovered from the holiday weekend and am looking forward to this coming weekend which should be much slower!  

I'm going to be a bit transparent here and let you know that I am going through some things. There, I said it.  We often spend so much time and energy keeping up appearances for folks that really could care less what's going on in our worlds and you know what?  I'm tired.  

I went back and forth on how I was going to write this post, but transparency won.  Hopefully my transparentness (is that a word?  if not, consider it a new "Darvism.") won't turn anyoneoff or make them look at me differently, which has been a big deal to me for awhile (go figure), but transparent I must be.

Anyway, this month is a little hard for me, one I have dreaded all year without  a total change of circumstance.  You see, it was two years ago this month that I learned that I would no longer have a job at the end of the month.  To say that the past 2 years has been challenging is the understatement of the year!  My whole life has changed, in some ways good, in most ways horrible!  I spent the second half of 2013 and the first half of 2014 in a real funk.  And I won't pretend that I don't still have some pretty crap days in 2015.  Because I do.  Days where I just totally withdraw from everything because I just literally could not do it.

You have to understand that I have ALWAYS worked, since I was 15 years old. That's almost 30 years of consist employment (and I spent 16 years on that particular job), so it's been a huge adjustment, plus the challenges.  (I did say I had challenges, right?)  My career has always been a huge part of who/what I am, and it's been a huge adjustment to not be that person anymore.  I had hoped that by now things would be different and I would be looking back on that time, not still in it.  But that isn't yet the case.  The other thing is, for the first time in my life, I don't really have a "plan."

Everyone who knows me knows that I almost ALWAYS have a Plan A, B, C and possibly a D.  But not this time.  Every one of my "plans" has not worked out and that's been another huge adjustment for me.  Because I'm a perfectionist and I don't like failure.  But most of all, I have felt like everything I've ever believed has been challenged, including my faith.  I had even gotten to the point that I wasn't even sure what I believed anymore (and coming from a kid who grew up in church, COGIC no less, that is saying a LOT).

So when that horrific thing happened to me two years ago, I struck out on what I thought was my ultimate dream (HA!) and ended up in somewhat of a nightmare.  However, I also found myself on a totally different journey than I could have ever imagined at the time.  I daresay that I would have never found this path if my course hadn't been altered.  Please know that the challenges haven't ended, but my perspective (my lens) is different.  It doesn't mean that things are suddenly great, but I just don't feel stressed and anxious about it - today at least.

I have mentioned before that I'm a Believer.  Yes, that means a Christian.  What I am not is a Bible-thumping, over-judgmental, holier than thou person who tries to shame folks into believing.  Nah, I don't roll like that.  What it does mean is that I have a relationship with God. It's not always where it should be, so like me, it's a work in progress.  

This year (2015), I decided to take more of an active role in building up my personal foundation because it has taken a huge hit .  I have reevaluated some relationships, activities and am really working on myself during this season.  I started a faith journal this year, which has become part of a new journey (later on this), and a rewarding one.  I realize I'm getting to the age when you really have to make some decisions on how you are going to approach the third quarter of life and also that those decisions are yours alone.

I am not a person who likes change or thrives on change, so all of this change has been really unsettling.  To make matters worse, I had to make the really tough decision to leave my church because it was just too far for me to travel at this time.  But, I did find a church closer to home that I enjoy (although I miss my old church so much sometimes that my heart aches).  Anyway, my new church, Victory Apostolic Church in Matteson (which you should totally visit one day if you live in the South Suburbs), offers many different ministries and classes, as well as activities to keep you busy and grounded! One of the classes offered this summer is One-on-One Discipleship, which will be a 10-week, one-hour course (it started last night).  Me and my sorority sister Pam decided to take it together (can you tell that me and Pam have a lot of adventures together????).  

We signed up not knowing what to expect, and we walked in not knowing what to expect, lol! 
After leaving our first session, we are both a bit excited to see where the class is going to take each of us personally on our faith walks.  I"m hoping that I will have more peace and my faith renewed; only time will tell the ultimate outcome. 

Here is the book for the class:

I'm not sure what the outcome will be, but I'm sure that it will be an adventure, albeit a personal one, and that some change will be inevitable.  But hear me, on this here thang? The struggle is real!      

So, what about you- any personal journeys for you in 2015?  Anyone agree that the struggle is truly real????  Let's talk about it!  Holla @ Darvi!  Be Blessed!!!