What's in a name???

Annnnd it's Wednesday - good day people, good day!  So the Chicago area has been SWELTERING for the past few days (although I dare not complain as winter is surely a'coming and faster than I would like)... Sometimes the first thing people miss in the heat is staying hydrated - so please lay off the sugary drinks and make sure you drink plenty of water.  That's my PSA for the day.

So today we're going to talk about names.  Not as in baby names (although I do fondly remember those days), but more along the lines of what your name says about you.  That was the subject of the eulogy at Mrs. Harris' funeral that I attended over the weekend and it's stuck with me ever since.

When it comes to names, I've had a love-hate relationship with mine.  As a child, it was very difficult living with a nine-letter name that your mother had made up as opposed to just opening a book and chose.  It was a mouthful to say and to this day, whenever I'm in a new environment, I always know when people get to my name because they pause to try and wrap their minds around the pronunciation of it.  My response?  I usually smile and say "that's me."  Then when asked, I say it for them and immediately shorten it to my nickname to make it easier for them.  They are, more often than not, visibly relieved for the reprieve...
As I've gotten older, I've embraced my name and the time that my mother took to really think about it all and giving me such a unique name - thanks, mom!  I am almost 100% guaranteed to NEVER run into anyone with the same name in any setting; it belongs to me and me alone. 

But even acknowledging that, the question remains - what's in a name?  I'm talking beyond the superficial cuteness of the name or your different spelling of a common name.  I even mean beyond what society has determined that your particular name means (and if you want to check yours, you can do so here).  What I'm talking about is the real nitty-gritty; as in when people hear your name, what does it mean to them. 

Ouch.  Yeah, I know that for some people, that is a matter that they don't even want to think about.  But the reality is, whether you think about it or not, it is a valid assessment and it will be made, with or without your permission. 

I grew up in my grandparents' house on the far south side of Chicago.  My grandmother was the matriarch of our family (both sides, imagine that!).  Additionally, she was very active in her church, serving continually on the board of trustees, the missionary board and until her death in 2010, as the "Church Mother" (some of y'all have no IDEA what that is, lol!).  Besides all that, she served as a confidant, friend and advisor to many people far and wide.  Reflecting on my life in my grandparents' house (I lived there from 1979-1995), there are several things that stick out:

1) Our door was always open.  Literally.  As in our front door was unlocked from 9am- 10pm every single day.  That used to freak me out sometimes, but in reflection I understand that it was two-fold:  a) my grandmother's name carried so much weight in our community that no one was going to enter our door for harm and b) the door was always open and anyone was welcome to enter.

2) Many people relied on the advice and counsel of my grandmother:  relatives, friends, neighbors, church members, past co-workers, her children, their friends, her grandchildren and their friends.  At her funeral, person after person stood up and said how they had a personal relationship with her, how wise she was and how she gave advice without judgment, no matter what the circumstance.  She logged many, many hours on her phone talking to people late into the night about whatever issues they were sorting through, again, without judgment but just offering advice.

3) One could always gather 'round our table for a meal, family or not.  If you walked through our open door for some of her advice around dinner time, you were going to be offered a plate.  Now, we weren't rich or even middle class (got that rude awakening in high school, but I digress), but we always had food on the table and a plate to share (it may have been mismatched, but it was a plate).  I watched my cousins' friends enjoy the holidays with us, and as I grew up and brought friends over during high school and college, they joined us at the table also.

I hope you see where I'm going with this - the value of a name.  My grandmother had a good name.  It meant something, no matter what circle she was in.  It meant something on our street - no one was going to bother "Ms. Givens" (because no one could figure out how to pronounce our last name, lol!  For the record, it is spelled Givhan and pronounced "Give-ahn").  Additionally, everyone knew that they could go to Ms. Givens' house and get a meal, get a few dollars, or get a ride.  At church, everyone knew they could count on Mother Givens to support the ministry, to be fair and decisive on the trustee board, that she could be trusted with the money and that she would give sound counsel without judging.  So when she became sick and subsequently died, we were flooded with visits, calls, food, cards and money from all of the people she had touched during her life.  Most of them always led with the same thing:  "I heard and just had to come and see about Ms./Sister/Mother Givens."  At the funeral, there was standing room only and even the vestibule was full of people who felt that they just had to come and pay their respects to Ms./Sister/Mother Givens. 

I felt good and proud to be related to such a person; someone whose name alone held such esteem and value in her community.  People still ask me if I'm "Ms./Sister/Mother Givens'" granddaughter.  And I always smile and say yes, knowing that is a good thing.

It's also how I felt while sitting at Mrs. Harris' funeral on Saturday and listening to her family, her daughter's friends, her church family and the eulogy.  Mrs. Harris had a good name - it was epitomized by how she carried herself:  in kindness, in gentleness, with a smile, through helping others - all characteristics that will live on longer than she did.

This is also something I've spent more and more time thinking about as I get older - what does my name mean?  I've done good things, great things even, and some not so good things.  I've had successes and failures.  I've given kind words and I've given harsh words.  Yep, I'm pretty much human, just like everyone else!  But the real question is what will the lasting effects of my name mean, and that's what I try to work on every day.  I work daily on doing more good than bad things, having more successes than failures and more kind words as opposed to the sometimes harsher words that are having a party in my head!  I am a work in progress!  But know that I am working...

I've said all of this to make one simple statement:  you control what your name means.  You alone.  Even if it is less than you want it to mean at this moment I have good news:  you still have time to change that!  Every day that you wake up is a new opportunity to work on changing it.  So if your name currently means bad attitude, selfishness and negativity, you can change it to pleasant, generous and upbeat.  If you are the type of person who makes people cringe when you walk into a room, you can work on becoming a person that everyone is happy to see.  If your name is associated with dishonesty and untrustworthiness, you can change that too.  At the end of the day, it's all up to you.  Know that your name is indeed your legacy.  So I ask you - what's in YOUR name???

Has anyone else ever thought about this or am I by myself? Holla @ Darvi!  Be Blessed!