Reflections on Grandma...

Hello, Blogland! Today is a special day, not because it's Thursday, but because it marks what would have been my late grandmother's 98th birthday.  And just because I can, I wanted to share some reflections in her honor.  Because I was, most definitely, a Grandma's Girl (I lived in my grandmother's house from 1979 until I got married in 1995).. 

My grandmother, Alberta Sims Givhan, was born on October 22, 1917, in Mississippi.  She was the youngest and only girl of seven.  She married my grandfather, James D. Givhan, in 1936, and migrated to Chicago in 1938 or 1939 (the dates are slipping by me and she's not here for me to ask...) after selling her cow.  When I asked her why she moved to Chicago, she said she didn't want to pick any more cotton.  She was so determined to leave that she left her husband and baby down there (he eventually got the message that she wasn't coming back and soon joined her in Chicago).  She said she came to Chicago for a better life and more opportunity.  She began her "career" in Chicago as a domestic worker and eventually became a factory worker (she was the first woman to run the die cut machine in the box factory where she worked) until her retirement.  She was very firm in her faith and active in her church (having helped to start a neighborhood church in the 1950s or 1960s).  She only had an elementary school education, but she was an avid reader (that may be where I get it)!  She was a great listener and gave great advice without being judgmental (if the many late night phone calls from friends, family and church members were any indication).  And she loved baseball (she would have been thrilled that the Cubs played well this year).  

Now, my grandparents' house was nothing special in the grand scheme of things, it was just a regular Chicago bungalow, in a regular neighborhood, on a regular block on the south side of the City.  It definitely wasn't fancy, but it was always welcoming (I know I mentioned that part in a previous post).  We had plastic slipcovered furniture in the "front" room (you know, the room no one could go in unless company was over) and a set of praying hands on the coffee table all through my youth.  We had two phones, a rotary, wall-mounted one in the kitchen and one in her bedroom (I eventually persuaded her to get touch tone dialing in the 1990s...).   

It was at grandma's house where our family gathered: for the everyday and the holidays.  It was also at grandma's house where I learned to cook, to mend socks, sew buttons back on shirts, pay bills and balance a checkbook.  I also learned faithfulness in tithe-paying, praying and the importance of regular church attendance (and studying the Word on your own).  She was generous to friends, family and strangers.  She was nice, but she was also strict.  I wasn't allowed to play secular music in the house until the mid-1980s.  I had to be home when the street lights came on.  Church attendance was mandatory and I had a RIDICULOUSLY early curfew when I was in high school!  She did not tolerate lying or stealing from anyone.  She kept her a "piece" in the house and had no qualms about pulling it out if necessary...  She was a breast cancer survivor and rocked chemo (never lost a single strand of hair or was ill during her treatments).  She was also fun:  she loved watching game shows, and playing games, and at the church picnic each year, she would hit the heck out of a softball!  As she got older, she was just plain funny; she was famous for mixing things up:  referring to "condoms" as "condos," called a "Gucci" purse a "coogy purse," and her version of "the talk" was "keep your legs closed, skirt down and panties up."  Yep, gotta love grandma!

As I got older, I took great pride in being able to do things for her because she did so much for me.  I paid bills for her, bought her furniture, bought her clothing and jewelry, and we had many breakfast, dinner and lunch dates.  She was my favorite date!  Two of her favorite places to go were Moy's Chinese Restaurant in Beverly (it's closed now) and Mattson's Steakhouse on Cicero.  We shared many great times together over meals.  As she got older, and the different health ailments began to arise, I would drop whatever I was doing and go to the hospital and sit and wait.  When she came home, I altered my work schedule so I could sit with her (I was blessed to have a very understanding boss who gave me the flexibility to do it).  And guess what?  I didn't mind at all because of all she had done for me. 

She's been gone just over 5 years now, and I think I just got used to the idea that she's not here anymore.  I just deleted her phone number from my cell phone when I got my new phone last month (that was very hard, by the way).  I try very hard to walk the path she showed me, I don't always get it right, but I'm still working on it, grandma.  Sometimes, like right now, I am just so overcome by the loss that it is almost unbearable!  But even through my tears, I smile and thank God for allowing me to have her for 39 years and for both of my children to know her and love her also.  I knew realistically that she would have to go eventually, but I still wasn't prepared.  I thank God for being at the hospital with her all day on the day she died (she waited until after my mom & I left to make her transition, I think I would have been forever traumatized if I had witnessed that, just saying).  I still miss her very, very much - the sense of loss never goes away, and sometimes I do cry, but I know that she is with me in spirit. 

Now, I'm sure that everyone thinks that their grandma is special, and I'm sure she is.  That's how it's supposed to be.  Grandmothers are special.  But mine?  She's still my favorite girl... Happy Birthday, Grandma!!!  I love you to the moon and back!    

Me & My Grandma, circa 1974/75

And just because this song always makes me think of my grandma, I will share it with you:  Diane Reeves, Better Days (The Grandma Song) here.

So here's to the great grandmas in the world - tell me about yours!  Holla @ Darvi!  Have an awesome Thursday, everyone!!!