Security of Identity...

Dear Blog Land,

Happy 2018!  Yes, of course I am fully aware that 2018 started 21 days ago and that I am horribly late with my greeting!  And that it's been a ridiculous amount of time since I last posted (a full post).  And also that there really are no excuses.  Except, well, life happened.  And as life happens, sometimes we actually have to sit back and just let.it.happen.  I will apologize in advance for the LONG POST today; but, well, you know!

I have missed centering myself and pouring out to you.  But, I had to truly take some time to be poured into.  2017 was a lot of things.  Like every other year, there were valleys (some lower than I have ever been before), but also there were tremendous highs (some that I never thought possible).  2017 was also a year of serious change in almost every area of my life! 

There's so much I want to say, I already know I will have to break this into several posts to get to it all.  And being me, I simply must do it in an orderly and methodical manner (what less would you expect from an OCD person?); if you missed my previous post about being OCD, you can read it here.

So my word of the year for 2017 was "focus."  That was the word I chose to direct the year (which I apparently did NOT share with you, so here's a brief synopsis).  Let's start with the definition of the word, found here:

Definition of focus 

                                                    

plural foci play \ˈfō-ˌsī also -ˌkī\ also focuses

1 a : a center of activity, attraction, or attention

   b : a point of concentration     

2 : directed attention : emphasis

3 a : direction 6c

b : a state or condition permitting clear perception or understanding

Next, my reasons for choosing the word.  2016 was actually "alright" for the most part.  The last quarter of the year was not.  I found myself grappling with a tremendous loss of self and still dealing with the ever-present financial woes of the day.  And I felt that I need to simply focus more: inward and outward.  There's more, but you get the gist.  If you missed my January 2016 post about why I choose a word of the year and the background on it, you can read it here.


The things that I did not stop doing in 2017 were 1) going to church weekly (I probably missed less than 5 Sundays the whole year), in case you forgot, that's Victory Apostolic Church in Matteson, IL; 2) continuing with my second year of Discipleship University (also at VAC); and 3) engaging in outreach activities.  All of which were things that kept me rooted and focused no matter what was going on. And trust me, there was PLENTY going on in 2017!  I'm going to do a four-part post about 2017 (I promise, I'm really going to do it), but not today. 


What I want to focus on today (see, there's that word again), is just about being secure.  Not
speaking in terms of financial security (although that's usually the first thing that people think of and certainly it is important).  But I mean being spiritually secure.  Because it's our souls that really matter, right?


On Saturday I received a spiritual "whooping" from my good friend Val in response to my emotional meltdown (yes, there's no other word for it but meltdown).  There is a thing (among things) that I am dealing with right now and it is exerting a lot of pressure on my life at the moment.  As I expressed to her, I felt "terrified" by it.  And she got me right real quick with a good old reminder to stop focusing on that thing, but instead focus on the Father who has control of all things (yes, even my thing)!  I paraphrased because I was not taking notes in the midst of my meltdown... I had a good cry, which was cathartic, and then I set about the business of letting go of the clutter that had invaded both my mind and my house.  I told that Google home thing (a gift from the boy, you'll hear about Christmas later) to start playing me some good old gospel music and got to work!  But if you're curious now, you can check it out here.


When I got to church on Sunday, the sermon was the last in a series on Soul, Mind and Body.  Without getting too deep (and I don't have my notes anyway), Pastor Singleton spoke about getting control of our bodies (or flesh).  Which for me looks like pushing myself to do things when I otherwise cave into the feeling of being too tired or controlling flesh in all its forms (especially the words that come out of my mouth)!  Ouch.  Which directly pertained to the clutter that I had allowed to accumulate and made excuses for (usually being too tired). I'm about 85% done with the projects I started on Saturday (yes, I made a list), and it already feels good (and looks better too)! 


But let's get back to that fear thing, or as I labeled it, "terrified."  During that chat on Saturday, I had to face some ugly truths.  Mostly about who I depended on and trusting that God's got me, no matter what.  Which I really do know better, but this flesh!  If you recall, I deal a whole lot with trust on this blog.  And I almost always keep coming back to it because I am a firm believer that trusting in God (exercising faith, whatever you want to call it) is how we are going to make it in this world and have a relatively stress-free existence.  Now, that doesn't mean that we will never have concerns and that everything will be a bed of roses all the time.  Far from the truth!  Beginning to trust God more will likely open up the most horrific can of worms that you could ever imagine!  But at the end of the day, the question is whether you are going to try and operate out of yourself or will you trust that God has it?  


Being honest (and what would this blog be without my honesty?), being an INTJ person (if you are not familiar with Meyers Briggs personality labels, you can get a quick primer here), I base my actions and make judgments based on logic and objective data, so I struggle in this area.  A lot. Also, I think that I put a lot of pressure to be the best at EVERYTHING on myself that is sometimes just unnecessary (raise your hand if you know it's impossible anyway!!!) and I believed I am being judged for being less than.  By people and even God.  But as the sermon yesterday reminded me, as a believer, our shortcomings have been covered by Christ's blood so that we appear blemish-free before God.  And honestly?  It's ok.    


I hope that this post will be encouraging for someone; I find that when I get too far off and into my own head and path that I get reminders (sometimes not so gentle) to turn my focus, not inward or outward but UPWARDS.  I just want to leave you (for now), with two things.  One is a scripture that should most decidedly be in your war room arsenal:


Romans 8:38-39New International Version (NIV)

³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

And two, this lovely image of my calendar for today (January 22nd) - it is a perpetual calendar that was gifted to me last year on a particularly hard day by C-Rob (you can purchase one here):

So wrapping up today - remember that God loves you in spite of you and your identity in him is secure!  Even if you let worry and circumstances cover you in mental and physical clutter (like me).  I love you and there's nothing you can do about it!  Thank you for your readership and patience!  Did this make some sense and bless you today?  Holla at your girl and let me know (or just say hi).

Have a wonderful day, Blogland!!! xoxoxo

~ Darvi

Thought of the Day!

Good morning, Blogland and Hello December!!!

Yes, I know it's been a LONG minute! I have so much to tell you!!! But for today, I just want to share a simple thought for today:

So go be of service!  Have a blessed weekend and I'll be back soon!

xoxoxo

~Darvi

The Middle

Greetings, Blogland!  Well, it's been a mighty long time since I've written (about 6 months or so, to be exact), and I'm mighty glad to be back!  I have reasons and they could either make a whole lot of sense to you or none at all.  It's been super busy (and also super stressful) during my time away and I've been trying to "right the proverbial boat," so to speak. Pastor Singleton said something yesterday that really captured part of the true reason I've been away - to avoid feeling like a hypocrite.  Yep, you read right.

My pastor spoke about it in the context of being a CPA and advising clients on financial planning at past times in his life when his own finances were not in the best of condition. Similarly with me, it strikes a chord in both my professional and spiritual life.  But Pastor Singleton went on to say that God admonished him:  Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34 NIV
Now what's funny is that I had no intention of including this, but well, here it is.  So maybe it's God speaking to me as well (also an inordinate amount of pins in my Pinterest feed today also repeated this theme...).

Which brings us to the subject of this post (which I started writing on April 24th, no fooling, "The Middle."  

Middle is defined as "the point or position at an equal distance from the sides, edges or ends of something."  There is a sitcom on the ABC network called "The Middle" (one of my favorites, actually).  It is about the Heck family:  middle-age, middle class, in middle America facing the day-to-day struggles of home, life, work and raising children. The thing is, this family is always one step forward, two steps back, forever staying in the middle.  For fans of Lord of the Rings, "Middle-earth" refers to the inhabited lands of men between the seas, or Middangeard.  The central idea of being in the middle is "between."  You've heard the cliche, "between a rock and a hard place," which has sometimes felt like the theme of my life here lately...

It's very easy to be joyful and spiritually on point when things are going well, we agree?

When there is no adversity, no health challenges, no financial challenges, no issues with your children, no job struggles, no relationship struggles, no housing issues- it is very easy to stay upbeat, joyful and resolute in where your faith, hope and trust lies.  I'm sure we can all agree on that.  Some of you would even boast that you could keep it together if one of those challenges were to strike.  But what about several or even all of them and all at once??? If you're human, your resolve just might start to weaken a bit.  You might begin to wonder if God has forgotten you as the days turn into months and perhaps the months into years.  Especially if for every step forward, you find yourself getting pushed two steps back, until you find yourself stuck in the middle.  

This thought and feeling of being in the middle has been with me for awhile.  I sometimes truly cannot understand why I have been given some amazing gifts and unbelievable dreams, courtesy of God Himself, yet I live in the land of "dreams deferred."  

Several years ago (seven, to be exact), I attended an Ecumenical Worship service for NPHCC at Harmony Community Church in Chicago and heard my first sermon preached by Pastor James Brooks (Pastor J).  The title of the sermon, I believe, was "Alpha and Omega," or the beginning and the end (See Revelation 1:8; 22:13).  The sermon struck such a chord with me that it led to me going back and subsequently joining that ministry, and still this day, I remember it like it was yesterday.  During the sermon, Pastor J illustrated God being the Alpha and the Omega by having someone stand on either side of him.  As he walked to the left, there was a person in front and one behind.  When he turned to the right, again there was a person in front of and one behind.  The point he made was this:  because God is the Alpha, He is always there in front of you clearing the way, and because He is also the Omega, He is always behind you, making sure you are not overtaken (paraphrasing here, I'm without my notes).

So what does that mean exactly?  It means that for the believer, the "middle" isn't such a  bad place to be, because it means that God is protecting and shielding you as you go along your way.  It means that He's fighting battles ahead of you before you get there, and that He's also behind you, protecting the flank.  In military tactics, a flanking maneuver is "a movement of an armed force around  a flank to achieve an advantageous position over an enemy.  Flanking is useful because a force's offensive power is concentrated in its front."  In other words, the enemy attacks the flank or rear, because it is where one is most vulnerable.  But, because God is the Alpha and the Omega, you, in the middle, are never vulnerable or unprotected.  God has no weakness and in His omnipresence is able to go before you and be behind you at the same time.  Take that, devil!

All great and well, but what do we do with this information?  I'm glad you asked!  What it means, in my humble opinion, is simply that God has this.  It means that we (I) can confidently and boldly go forth with the things He has placed within us (me), because He is in front of us (me), clearing the way, even though we (I) can't see it.  It also means that even though the enemy's weapons form and try to attack us (me) on the flank, they won't prosper, because God is behind us (me).  He is indeed, the Alpha and the Omega.  

To anyone who feels stuck and at times uncertain (like me), know the middle is not always the bad place it may appear to be at first sight.  Rather, the middle means you are between God's grace and mercy as the Alpha and Omega, and that you can courageously and fearlessly move forward in whatever it is He called you to do.  Does it mean that everything will go your way?  Nope, not at all.  But what it does mean is that you can be secure in the knowledge that God has you, no matter what it looks like in front or behind you.  Ted and Sheri did a song called "Work the Middle" that illustrates what we are to do in the middle (unfortunately I can't seem to find a link to the song itself, but it's on their 2001 album, the healing starts right here - go check it out on iTunes).  

Listen, as I have always been, I will continue to be transparent in telling my story.  I refuse to let the devil's minions of pride and embarrassment deter me from sharing what God has put in me to share.  The Word says they were overcome by the word of their testimony in Revelation 12:11.  And while I by no means have it all figured our or even half figured out, I will not fail to glorify Him by keeping silent, even in the middle.  I hope that this post encouraged someone today.  I had to smile to myself as I wrote it.  We simply cannot allow the enemy to make us feel defeated, no matter where we find ourselves.  

Well, since it's been awhile, holla at your girl just to check in!  And be sure to pray for me - I have my 46th birthday coming up next week, the oldest teen graduates from high school in a few weeks, and there is all manner of things on the horizon that I am trying to wrap my head around!  Be blessed!!! xoxoxoxo

An Attitude of Gratitude

Hello Blogland! Well, I originally wrote this post for Thanksgiving week, but it still holds true now, possibly even more in this worldly season of excess (otherwise known as the "holidays").  I spent the Saturday before Thanksgiving working with my church's outreach ministry to pack and distribute Thanksgiving food baskets and winter items in our community.  God allowed me to be a personal blessing to someone during that outreach, and I am ever amazed at how he goes before you and makes provision, sometimes for others through you.  Even with all the crazy in my own world, it always feels good to be a blessing to others.

Which leads me right to the subject of this post- gratitude. This is the time of year where most people shift their thinking towards helping others, which goes right along with being grateful for what you've got.  

It is something that I've tried to instill in my children since they were small - to always be appreciative of what you have because there is someone who wishes they had what you have.  Even when we don't have everything we want or even everything we're used to having - always be grateful.

So that said, here's my gratitude list at the moment:

1. A roof over our heads
2. Plenty of clothes to wear
3. Food to eat
4. A few really, really good friends
5. That my parents are still living
6. My son's early admission and scholarship for college
7. My daughter's good grades
8. That my kids are not problem children
9. A wonderful, teaching ministry at my church and wonderful church family
10. That I am healthy!

Now does making this list cancel everything that is not picture perfect in my life? Of course not! But, it does keep me from focusing only on what's not right and allows me to focus on what is right.  And that's good enough for me.

While we are talking about gratitude, this is a good time to talk about a December challenge I saw on Pinterest:  The 31 Day December Joy Challenge.  You can read about it at http://spirituallyhungry.com/joy-challenge-december/.  I will be incorporating this into my December Daily this year.  If you don't know what December Daily is, you can read my post about it last year at http://www.hollaatdarvi.com/2015/12/it-shall-be-well.html. 

So stay grateful and joyful during this Holiday Season and remember that Jesus is the Reason for the Season!  I can't leave you without a song, so here's an oldie but goodie, "Be Grateful" by Walter Hawkins. 

What are you grateful for? Holla @ Darvi and share!  And, as always, be blessed! xoxoxo

Don't Quit...

Hello December!  For once it is not snowing in Chicago!!! We have been having relatively mild weather, although the temperature has dropped a bit... 

This will be a short and sweet post.  Hopefully it will contain something that will be a blessing to someone else.  

Today's message is to encourage those who feel like things never work out for them or that they are always in "wait mode."  Well, maybe it's just to encourage me...

We'll start with some scriptural encouragement (these can go in your War Chest for your War Room, whether room, journal, board, etc.):

Isaiah 40:31 KJV:  But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 66:9 NASV:  Shall I bring to the point of birth and not give delivery?  says the LORD. Or shall I who gives delivery shut up the womb? says your God.

Joel 2:25 NASV:  Then I will make up to you for the years That the swarming locust has eaten The creeping locust, the stripping locust and the gnawing locust, my great army which I sent among you.

Psalm 62:5-6 KJV:  My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectations from him.  He only is my rock and my salvation:  he is my defence, I shall not be moved. 

Next, here's some music to encourage you:

He has his hands on you - Marvin Sapp: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1WQLipTwRQ
God provides - Tamela Mann: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32jDHrDEVPM
God is in Control - James Hall & Worship in Praise: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7xXjdksufo
I am God - Donald Lawrence & the TriCity Singers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9w-_Mf0Yw1A
Can't Give Up Now - Mary Mar: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37PCbh9KppA

A prayer to go in your War Chest:

Dear God,

I pray that my circumstances change.  Nothing remains the same for very long.  In the meantime, give me the resolve to wait it out cheerfully.  To stop feeling its pain. To instead be flexible, open, and in celebration with you.  For you, dear God are mightier than circumstance beyond my control.  You are surely by my side and filling me with patience, and peace of mind.  Amen.  
(The prayer came from here: you can go check it out and others like it).

And last, but not least, a poem that I learned many years ago when I was pledging my sorority back in college:

Don't Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill
When funds are low and debts are high
When you want to smile, but you have to sigh
When care is pressing you down a bit, rest if you must but just don't quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns 
As every one of us sometimes learns
And many a failure turns about 
When he might have won had he stuck it out,
Don't give up though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late, when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out- 
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you can never tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit- 
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.  
-Author Unknown

Listen, obstacles will come, sometimes, as I have experienced, multiple obstacles all at the same time.  People say that no goal or dream is obtained without a struggle.  And I won't lie, there are plenty of times when you are facing what amounts to insurmountable odds, your back is against the wall and you just want some relief.  The words of an Old James Cleveland song (remade by Mary Mary as linked above) have comforted me many times when I've faced obstacles:  "I just can't give up now, I've come too far from where I started from.  Nobody told me that the road would be easy and I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me."

Whatever the situation, whatever the problem, you must believe that God's got it.  He didn't bring you (or me) this far to leave you... Stay encouraged and prayerful as we enter this holiday season that takes a toll on a lot of folks - emotionally and financially.  I hope this has been encouraging for you - I try to be encouraging even in the midst of my own struggles! 

Wanna post some encouragement for anyone struggling right now?  You can do so, just Holla @ Darvi and leave it in the comments.  Enjoy your weekend and be blessed! xoxoxo

While You're Waiting...

Happy Friday, Blogland!  I hope that the Autumn season has been kind to you all!  There's been all sorts of things happening around these parts!  The teen got an early admission and partial scholarship into his first choice college, so I'm gonna be an HBCU Mom!  He also got his driver's license (finally!).  The tween got promoted to honors math and is taking high school level Spanish. So the kids are doing ok (we still have some challenges, but they are ok).  October has been especially busy; unfortunately, I have not been able to squeeze in a Family Fall Outing (but I may be able to sneak one in on Sunday afternoon; we shall see).  It's my second favorite time of the year (Spring is my favorite); I love to watch the leaves change colors.  Here is one of my favorite fall photos:

Anyhoo, y'all know I'm from the Chicago area, right?  Something major is going on up this way - the Cubs are in the World Series!!! Hasn't happened in, well, let's just say a few years... I snapped this photo the other day to show how Chicago was celebrating:

And last but not least, last Saturday would have been my dear grandmother's 99th birthday if she were still living.  It wasn't a sad day; I spent a lot of it just reflecting on her and her legacy.  She loved baseball and would sincerely be over the moon about the the Cubs in the World Series right now!

But, onto our topic (side note:  I hate when I haven't written in awhile; I have so much to catch you all up on and then these posts are incredibly lengthy!  Working on it... I promise!). I have a confession to make:  I. HATE. WAITING.  Ok, wait. Hate is such a strong word. How about this:  I'm not very good at waiting.  Now, I can wait reasonable amounts of time in line, at a restaurant, to vote, to get a gas pump.  But in general?  I just really have a hard time waiting.  Case-in-point:  last week I sent my friend a text message and when I didn't get a response in about 20 minutes, I sent back this:  "Uh, hello?"  And he (gently) reminded me that he was, as I was, in the process of leaving for work and getting those things done and called me impatient. All I could do was laugh, because it's certainly the truth.  I'm not as bad as the man in the Fifth Third commercials (have you seen it?) but still, I'm not a very patient person.  Not even, dare I say it?  With God.

Yeah, I said it.  Look at me, owning my truth!  I am not patient, not even when I'm waiting on God.  Now this isn't all of the time, but it certainly happens when I figure, in my own mind, that it has been long enough and surely He has come to a decision by now!  I know, laughable, right?  But let me give you a very real example.  So, it's been a whopping 1186 days, or, 3 years, 2 months and 28 days since I lost my job (I didn't know those exact numbers, had to use Google to find a calculator for it).  And I'm no closer this year to having a full-time gig than I was a year ago, two years ago or even three years ago.  It's been very frustrating, but also a situation that fuels my impatience.  Because you see, I figure that He has had enough time to move mountains and send me a job!  But, it just hasn't happened like that.  And I won't lie, I am at the edge of worry about the whole thing, because, let's face it, that's a mighty long time to not have a steady income in your household, right?  But, on the other hand, He hasn't failed me yet, so why would he start now?  The Lord's prayer reminds us to ask for our "daily bread" - remember that post?  Here it is if you need a refresher.  So I try to remember that and not worry about days that haven't come and just focus on each new day.

But what do you do while you're waiting?  Real talk - what do you do?  When you look around and it seems like everyone else is getting a new job, a new house, a new car, engaged (and you can't even keep a boyfriend/girlfriend), pregnant, travelling - it can make you feel bad or worse, it can spark feelings of envy or resentment, especially if you feel you are just as "___" fill in the blank as they are.  Bottom line?  You want to know when it's going to be your turn.  Or worse still, you think that God has forgotten about you.  And your shoulders slump and you just want to give up.

This here thing?  I'm speaking from experience.  I've felt all of those things, even as recently as yesterday.  True story, I was on social media, scrolling down my timeline, and ran across a friend celebrating an anniversary and while I was happy for them, I felt some kind of way. Why? Because I'm divorced, and the marriage I thought I would have had by now didn't happen and because I want to celebrate anniversaries too, darn it!  Funny, but true.  

So for real, what should you be doing while you are waiting for your breakthrough, blessing, miracle, testimony, answered prayer - whatever you call it - what should you be doing while you are waiting????  I'm pretty sure that feeling envious and resentful aren't on the list, although those are both very real emotions for when you feel that God has forgotten you. Ouch.  Who wants to feel like they are forgotten?  Unloved?  Abandoned?  No one!  It's not a good feeling at all!  

Know that God doesn't want you to feel those things either; those negative feelings are the trick of the enemy to get you off course and to stop you from a) praying and b) believing in the power of your prayers.  Another trick the enemy uses is the trick of comparison, and social media is a powerful tool that feeds into that (hmm, I will write about that another time). You with me?  Stay with me.

The first thing you must do is to remember these things:  1) God never forsakes you.  2) God is good all the time.  3) Nothing is impossible if you believe.  4) God's word endures forever.  5) It's ALWAYS God's timing, and not yours.  6) Continue to pray. 7) Trust God no matter the circumstances.  8) Stand firmly on his promises.  9) Never give up or give in. 10) Give God praise while you're still waiting on the answers to your prayers.  I also found a blog post devoted to this very topic, entitled "Helpful Ways to Wait on God When You Don't Want To," that did an excellent job of providing some Do's and Don'ts.  You can read it here.

All this is well and good, right?  But the reality is that while you are praying, you will need to add some scriptures to those prayers to help you to stand firm in your faith.  Here are are few you can use for that purpose (these should go right in your war room - whether that's a closet, poster board or notebook):

Psalm 37:7-  Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him (NIV).

Psalm 27:13-14- I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord (NIV).

James 1:12 - Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love Him (NIV).

Hebrews 6:15 - And so, after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised (NIV).

Hosea 6:3 - Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him.  As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth (NIV).

Psalm 13:5 - But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation (NIV).

Psalm 62:5 - Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him (NIV).

1 Peter 5:10 - And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast (NIV).

Last week, I was listening to Steve Harvey on the radio ('round about 5 am, at the beginning of his show, he provides some very real, spiritual motivation for his listeners), and he said something so profound that I had to make a voice note so that I wouldn't forget what he was saying.  What did he say?  Here it is:  "Pray for strength for the journey while you are waiting.  Don't get knocked off course because oftentimes the blessing comes after the test.  Don't pray for obstacles to be removed, because they are part of the journey.  Both the heavens and the imps hear your prayers, and they will try to knock you off course."  How about I was ready to shout in my car???

I was sharing some of my anxieties with a friend yesterday over email, and she wrote back to me:  "Remember delayed is not denied God is working on some things in your life. God see & know everything you're going through and if you just hold on things will change for your good. God want to do a new thing in your life and a fresh thing in you. You must be grounded to realize the season you're about to come into."  It brought tears to my eyes, and just confirmed that I was supposed to write this post (the topic came to me a few weeks ago but I'm just getting around to it) and also gave me the will to go on just one more day.  

Last, but not least, I found a prayer on Pinterest (yes, Pinterest) that I encourage you to put in your war room as well (I certainly intend to).  It is originally from here, https://heathercking.org/, and it is called "A Prayer for When You Are Waiting" and it goes like this:

My Father,

I know I am impatient, so prone to worry, to give up, to lose hope.

Help me to rest in Your promises today.

In this season of waiting, renew my joy in this moment so that I do not miss Your presence in this place.  Thank You for being with me and for never giving up on me.  Thank You for always working for my good and for Your glory even when I can't see.  

In Jesus' name, Amen.

So hold on just a little while longer and wait on the Lord.  I'm waiting - and praising Him while I do.  What about you?  You know what to do - Holla @ Darvi and let me know what you do while you're waiting!  Have a wonderful weekend and as always, be blessed.  Here's some music to take us out:

xoxoxo 

~ Darvi

Adjusting to Suddenly...

Greetings, Blogland!  I will apologize for not being more consistent this year, but if I can just be my usual transparent self for a minute… For one thing, there’s been so much going on that both makes me happy and that has broken my heart (personally as well as in our turbulent world) and I do have a partially written post about all of that.  But seriously? For real, for real?  I’ve been hurt and angry, and busy and bitter.  I’m pretty sure that’s not what you were expecting to read, huh?  But, it’s the truth.  Before I go further, let me say this - to my readers who actually know me in real life, I hope that you can read without judging; this is me talking about where I am, not disparaging anyone else.  K?  Great, let's keep going.

You see, the days after my last post marked a year since life as I knew it changed (I want to be dramatic and say "forever," but of course I don't know that. I only know what it felt like at that time, but I digress - as usual), and I fell into a severe funk.  The move, the feelings, the uncertainty, the abandonment, the memories, the feelings, the tears - they all came back. And not in a just for a moment and you move on kind of way.  No, it was like I was reliving it all over again and let me tell you, it has been awful!  What's worse is that it's not something you can just share with anyone, because people feel like after a year you should be well-adjusted and "ok." But who determines what is "ok" and how long it takes you to get there????

Approximately a week after my last post, my cousin died - suddenly.  There was no lengthy illness, no prognosis and no warning.  One minute he was here and then, suddenly, he wasn't.  And we've struggled with it.  I'm sure no one has struggled more than his wife and daughter, but it impacted us all.  I can honestly say that the full weight of it didn't hit me until the funeral last Friday. I have an aversion to funerals, ever since my grandmother died, I can't fully explain it, but I'll try.  When it's a member of my family, there is a terror that grips me the moment I pull up to the church.  As I get closer to the church, I start breathing hard. Before I walk in, I have to take a deep breath and talk myself into actually going in.  Pause again in the foyer, take another deep breath before walking inside.  To get to the front where the rest of my family was assembled, I had to walk down a long aisle and the whole time, there was a conversation going on in my head, where I willed myself to keep walking and to not duck out before anyone saw me (I purposely skipped the wake and the group family walk in thing).  I stopped short of going all the way to the front; I settled on the third row back. Too late, my cousin saw me and had me move up, closer to the fold.  So I did, ended up sitting behind my mother and aunt, who were on the first row.  

My cousin was a military man (USMC) and a policeman. The photo above is the keepsake that was given to his wife at the repast by the Village he served for 21 years. Flanking the (beautiful) casket were two photos that had been blown up to poster size; his boot camp photo from 1977 and his police officer photo.  I tried to concentrate on the singing, the words being spoken, but I ended up just looking at the ceiling and trying not to have a full scale panic attack.  I did alright for awhile, then it was just too much and I needed an escape to collect myself. I went out and found one of my first cousins in the foyer, unable to walk back in.  Eventually we did, arms linked and leaning on one another.  What had us so messed up?  I'll tell you. It was looking around at our little family cluster and knowing that it wouldn't be long before we'd be back again and that it never gets any easier.  

Anyway, the minister who gave the eulogy being apprised of the circumstances surrounding my cousin's life and sudden death, aptly titled his sermon "How do we adjust to suddenly?" That caught my attention, and as he spoke, the wheels started turning in my head and I took my phone out and started making notes (that's been happening a lot lately, probably seriously weirded my cousin out), I figured I could use them for something later (and here we are).  This is what he said in reference to my cousin:  don't allow grief to be the representation of his life; don't allow grief to tarnish who he was or take it into our future. Instead, he told us to stand on his legacy and memories.  He really had my attention now. He used Romans 8:18 to encourage us to look towards the future:  "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us" (NIV). He further encouraged us to always thank God, even when we don't understand the "suddenly."  Psalm 34:1 says:  "I will extol the Lord at all times, his praise will always be on my lips" (NIV). Then he said perhaps the most profound thing of all, the thing that has had me thinking for the past five days - he said, "don't let a moment convince you that there's no God."  

Whoa.  That was deep, right?  I mean, nobody really does that, do they? I don't do that, do I????  That's what has been on my mind and I've come to the conclusion that yeah, maybe I have.  Just a wee bit.  Not in a my whole worldview has been shattered and the foundation of my faith is shattered kind of way, naw, not like that.  But, if I'm being honest (and that's what we do, right?), I have to admit that at certain moments, the "suddenlys," if you will, I may have had the question of whether He saw me.  Whether, in this huge world with all that's going on, He actually had time to see and hear me too.  

Am I the only one??? I'm talking about the times when a suddenly or two comes up on you and you don't have time to catch your breath and you're in a corner with your back against the wall and you have a constant stream of tears rolling down your face and you are full of fear and panic, and you can barely even get the words to a prayer out in between your sobs - those kind of suddenlys. Because you see, framily, those are the kinds of suddenlys I've had.  The kind of suddenlys that make you cry yourself to sleep, then wake up with a fresh set of tears that have you in sunglasses and reapplying your eye makeup in the office bathroom, only to cry it back off throughout the day.  Job loss?  Suddenly.  Relationship loss?  Suddenly.  Friendship loss?  Suddenly.  Pulling the last few dollars from your savings account and you have no further resources?  Suddenly.  The loss of a loved one? Suddenly. When you really and truly don't know what to do, it could be very easy to fall in the mindset that there is no God or that He has forgotten about you.    

And you know what?  That is just what the enemy wants you to believe, that you don't matter, that you are not important and that He doesn't have time to worry about little old you. Don't believe it!  The word says, "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."  Jeremiah 1:5 (NIV). Maybe you weren't destined to be a prophet like Jeremiah, but the point is that, He knew us all befor we were born, and He has a plan for us, even in the midst of suddenly.  "Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."  Luke 12:7 (NIV).  If you're like me, you've probably heard that verse many times, but maybe you never understood the full weight of what it actually means.  It means that He cares about you so much that He knows how many hairs are on your head, and that you are worth to him than whole groups of His other creations (paraphrasing of course)!  It means that, like the Israel and New Breed song, you are NOT forgotten, God knows your name!  Great spot for a song, don'tcha think?  Go check out the song, you know you wanna!   

What a great song, right?  It always makes me happy!  And it reminds me.  Even in the bad times.  Because here's the flip side, just as a "suddenly" can change things for worse, a suddenly can also change things for good.  Don't believe me?  Let's look at 2 Chronicles 29:36:  "And Hezekiah rejoiced, and all the people, that God had prepared the people: for the thing was done suddenly." (KJV); "Hezekiah and all the people rejoiced at what God had brought about for his people, because it was done so quickly" (NIV).  Or how about in Matthew 15 where the Canaanite woman approached Jesus for help because her daughter was demon possessed; and Jesus replied that it was not right to tkae the children's bread and toss it to the dogs. Her response was that even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master's table.  And in verse 28, Jesus answered:  "Woman, you have great faith!  Your request is granted." And her daughter was healed at that moment (NIV) or "suddenly" if you're reading KJV.  

All well and good, right?  How does this apply in your real life?  Heck, in my real life? I'm glad you asked!  What it means is that we shoudn't lose hope in the face of tragedies that suddenly occur, whether in our own personal lives or in the world.  God is still God despite the bad.  Instead, we are to keep our praise always (in the words of one of my favorite Fred Hammond songs) - may as well drop it here, right?  Here you go:

And know that just as suddenly as tragedy happens, God can open the floodgates of heaven and bless you beyond what you could ever imagine!  From job loss and unemployment to multiple job offers! From relationship loss to a better relationship! From friendship loss to new friends that truly understand the true meaning of friendship! From the loss of a loved one to the birth of a new loved one (true story, my nephew was born a year to the day after my grandmother's death).  

But we still haven't answered the question, have we?  The question posed by the minister and inherent in the title of this post - How do we adjust to suddenly?  My answer can be summed up like this:  getting into God's word for direction and trust.  And here is my scriptural authority:

Psalm 119:105:  "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path" (NIV)

and

Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight" (NIV) or "He will direct your path" for the KJV people.  

It's not easy, not by a long shot.  But, every day is a new day to try again.  And who knows? Today could just be the day that your "suddenly" comes!

Anybody else out there either adjusting to a suddenly or suddenly been blessed?  Holla @ Darvi and let's talk about it!!!  Be Blessed! xoxoxoxo

Farewell, Cousin Felton!  I'm glad God saw fit to have us be family.  Your legacy of serving and protecting will live on.